The luckiest bastards in the word — the freshmen at Ohio State — will be moving into their dorms soon. (The most tragic thing is they think they understand the Candyland they've entered.)
To show Ohio State is still hip to the good word, their social media team tweeted out a #ThrowbackThursday picture from move-in day, 1952.
It's been haunting me for the last half hour.
I guess 18-year-olds had less junk in 1952 than 2014, because I'd be damned if I was wearing church attire to move my daughter into what was apparently a janitor's closet in the bowels of a Cold War-era elementary school. (Don't worry, Diane! You'll be safe down here if the Russians ever bring nuclear war to Columbus!)
And why did they bring their Amish grandmother? Death is an everyday part of life on a farm. As her tight smile makes perfectly clear, she doesn't have time for frivolities like this.
Somebody needs to get lil' Susanne to the 1952 equivalent of Mickey Marotti. (Was Dr. Frankenstein alive in 1952?)
A shoebox, sister? THAT'S AN INEFFICIENT LIFT.
Also, the image totally flips in meaning too if you envision Diane's families smiles as true happiness to push the snooty bird out of the nest once and for all.
I need to stop thinking about this. It's just making me mad I'm not moving into my freshman dorm today.