My "friend" pushed me into a pool on July 4. I was the first guy to lose a phone that way since 2008. I didn't get back into the game until yesterday, and not having a phone was nice for 90 percent of the time. When that 10 percent came knocking though, it was literally Hell on Earth. (And yes, shockingly, I know what "literally" means.)
I stand by my theory: History, pre-cellphones, is a hoax of the highest order. What in tarnation did you people do during everyday mixups? What did you do if you got lost in your car? How did you settle dumb arguments at the bar? Exactly.
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT HAPPENED.
ICYMI: Dolo shot his shot with Ronda Rousey, and his foot is in the door.
This week's ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- The Weekend's The Hills.
- Don't try to rob a store with a Marine in it.
- Totally illegal drone fires a handgun.
- Real, apparently: Young Thug and Birdman accused of conspiring to whack Lil Wayne.
OSU DEEPER THAN THE WHOLE SEC RN. It's good to be a fan of the reigning world champions. How did we do it before? I'm not sure. At this point, basically everything before circa Dec. 6, 2014 could be a hoax.
Why would anybody think Auburn would be more talented than Ohio State? Auburn got dumped by Wisconsin last year. Ohio State, well, you know.
From Bruce Feldman of FoxSports.com:
Wideout Duke Williams and right tackle Avery Young would start on O. Auburn has some impressive talent on offense, but as good as quarterback Jeremy Johnson is, I don't see him being the guy who'd overtake everyone at OSU. Former five-star RB Jovon Robinson is a stud, but him starting over Ezekiel Elliott -- the dude who ran all over Bama and everyone else in the postseason? Nope. LT Shon Coleman's good but over Taylor Decker, a projected first-rounder who allowed only one sack last season? Nah. LG Alex Kozan was a Freshman All-American for Auburn in 2013 before missing last year with a back injury, but I'm not sure he'd trump Ohio State's Bill Price, a powerhouse the Buckeye staff raves about and a Freshman All-American last year.
On defense, I figure the Tigers may have four who would win starting jobs. DT Montravius Adams, a 330-pounder, can be dominant at times and would be one of the Buckeyes' top two interior guys (along with Adolphus Washington -- 10.5 TFLs last year). DE Carl Lawson, coming off injury, also can be special and should emerge as one of the top DEs in the country. I wouldn't start him over OSU's Joey Bosa, but I suspect he'd be the Buckeyes' second-best DE.
I like OLB Kris Frost, but the Buckeyes may have the best linebacker crew in college football, especially since the outside guys are so good (Darron Lee and Josh Perry). Young MLB Raekwon McMillan is a future star inside, but I'll give the Tigers' 253-pound senior Cassanova McKinzy the edge now.
I'd take Ohio State against an SEC All-Star team. I really would. If that makes me deluded and arrogant... I'll be that.. up until Ohio State repeats.
BLOODTHIRSTY A.J. HAWK. We covered A.J. Hawk's desire to kill earlier this week. Yesterday, Hawk truck-sticked that same drunk bro at the same celebrity-amateur golf event. Thankfully for us, this round was recorded by something other than a 1976 camcorder.
Reader Greg Wiley sets the scene:
A.J. Hawk is at it again. One year after a fan at the American Century Championship requested to be tackled by the now Bengals linebacker, Hawk and the same fan were up to it again at the raucous 7th hole during [the American Century Championship[ on Thursday, July 16 at Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course. This time the fan attempted to come across the middle on a pass catch attempt. Only Hawk was waiting and the consenting fan paid the price. Watch Hawk at the [celeb-am event] Friday, July 17-Sunday, July 19 on the NBC family of networks.
The last one wasn't a love tap, and it could be the upgrade in video quality, but this one had more bite to it:
JENI'S STOCK JUST TOOK ANOTHER HIT. An ice cream parlor run by past Slobs? It could maybe happen, say Taylor Decker and Jacoby Boren.
via Doug Lesmerises of Cleveland.com (my apologies on tiny embed):
What's better: Beating your body into goo in the NFL or making even more millions as Ohio's ice cream kingpins? I would like to go on record as saying, "I got $5 on it."
MAROTTI MOLDING MAJIN BUU. Matthew Burrell stood at 330 lbs this winter, and was 308 when he arrived in Columbus.
Go time. ...... pic.twitter.com/MEDZzM9OiS
— Majin (@majiiinbuu) July 16, 2015
This reminded me of a Kirk Barton tweet from the other day, which I have to horribly screencap for maximum effect:
Applies to offensive linemen as well, and it looks like Burrell is on his grind already (not that I expected anything less).
CAM HEYWARD RE-UPS WITH SATAN'S SOLDIERS. Cam Heyward is a paid man today, folks.
I love this organization! Very blessed and excited about continuing my career as a Steeler! #somanythanks #greatday pic.twitter.com/kcil0bsHal
— Cam Heyward (@CamHeyward) July 17, 2015
From Ed Bouchette of Post-Gazette.com:
Cam Heyward, one of the new leaders of the Steelers’ new defense, signed a new contract for six years and $59.25 million Thursday night.
Heyward, a starting defensive end the past two seasons, was scheduled to earn a salary of $6,969,000 this season after the Steelers exercised the option in the fifth year of his rookie contract. That was torn up and they signed him to a new deal that will last through the 2020 season.
The fact Heyward went to Ohio State will do little to soothe my soul's burn when the Browns' season ends with Heyward sacking whatever sorry sack of sixth-string shit is playing QB Week 17 vs. the Steelers.
OBC AND MALZAHN MULLEN HAVE THE SCOOP. As first reported by Steve Spurrier. Must cite Steve Spurrier.
From FoxSports.com:
“I think Braxton (Miller), supposedly his shoulder is not where he can quite throw like he used to and he may play another position," Spurrier, the former head coach at Florida, said.
[...]
"I still think the big guy is going to be the starter," Spurrier said. "He runs like a fullback or a linebacker, and (he's) a good passer.”
Gus Malzahn weighed in as well:
"When I was at Florida, I knew Cam Newton was the real deal, but Timmy was playing," [Mississippi State coach Dan] Mullen said. "If Timmy had gotten hurt, Cam would have come in and won the championship. And that's the challenge."
That doesn't sound like much of a challenge, Dan.
SABAN UNFAIRLY CRITICIZED BY THE MEDIA? There is only one Alabama "voice" to which I listen, and it's this man's.
From Cecil Hurt of TuscaloosaNews.com:
Lost in the kerfluffle was Saban’s actual, perfectly valid point: the college season lasts longer, the NFL Draft has been moved back, but the date for underclassmen to declare remains the same. Pushing back a week or two would eliminate a potential problem. (There is an unspoken implication that the problem affects Saban more than most coaches because those coaches don’t have to worry about playing in mid-January.) In an earlier draft of this column, I took some writers to task. Upon reflection, I think it’s more fair to say this: if you aren’t around Saban on a fairly regular basis, you can miss the way that the thought process works. Did he think about the NFL Draft as one possible issue that affected “team chemistry” leading up to the Playoff semifinal? Yes. Does he think constantly about every possible variable out of hundreds that may have affected that game? Yes. Did he bring in former Ohio State offensive coordinator Tom Herman earlier this year so they could talk about NFL Draft dates? Of course not. It was part of an exhaustive self-review.
Losing bothers Saban, tremendously. That’s part of why he wins so often. But he isn’t give to reflexively making excuses about it. His off-season thought process hasn’t changed from what it was in 2008, when he also lost to Urban Meyer. He is thinking about every possible way to keep it from happening if the two teams meet again this season. Remember, Saban got the same heat that season when he said that Alabama wasn’t interested in the Sugar Bowl against Utah (it wasn’t) and that losing Andre Smith in an agent mess that week didn’t help matters (it didn’t.) “Excuses,” the critics cried, but it was obvious in the following season that he had worked relentlessly on improving, not on standing still and looking for alibis.
Makes you think; makes you think for sure.
I just don't think I can take Nick Saban whining for an "even playing field" seriously. Count me among those who want Bama again.
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