Thursday Skull Session

You know what? College football really isn't that far away. Truly a remarkable time to be alive.

AN IDIOT FROM NEW JERSEY HAS A QUESTION. From Stewart Mandel's FoxSports.com mailbag:

Stewart, is Ohio State's schedule so bad this year that even running the table the Buckeyes could miss the playoff? Does beating Virginia Tech, Hawaii, Northern Illinois, Penn State, Western Michigan, Indiana, Maryland, Rutgers, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan State and Michigan make them worthy of a playoff spot, when a team like Alabama is going to have to beat SEVEN preseason top-25 teams

-- John, New Jersey

First of all, [...]

First of all, no. There is literally no chance an undefeated Ohio State misses the playoff. 

Actually, let me walk that back.

The only only chance an undefeated Ohio State misses the playoffs is if sometime before the Big Ten title game Urban Meyer and Mickey Marotti are led out of the WHAC by the FBI for running a rampant steroid program. 

Given their results, you can't rule that scenario out 100%.

Other than that, there is literally no chance. Ohio State was instrumental in crushing the sport's postseason ratings. 

I guess I can't believe I got baited into mansplaining this, but here we are walking hand-in-hand through the hellfires of July. I'm so sorry.

TERRELLE PRYOR AND RANDY MOSS... IN THE SAME PICTURE. It's always awesome when you realize two of your favorite people know each other.

As for Antonio Bryant, I'm a Browns fan, and that's like asking me to compliment the guy that killed my parents.

Coach Randy AB pic.twitter.com/w7Fvbzd4no

— Terrelle Pryor (@TerrellePryor) July 5, 2015

I am now predicting Terrelle Pryor to make the Browns' opening day roster. Beer we go, Brownies!!!!

Ol' Randy Moss allegedly beat Antonio Bryant in a foot race, which I believe because Randy Moss is a demigod:

ZEKE THE DOGBOMBER. That moment when you're at Petland and you see Ohio State's prophesied Heisman-winner in the distance:

Oh hey Zeke pic.twitter.com/SMr5MclvHk

— Hannah Sams (@han_nawh) July 8, 2015

THIS WAS SURPRISING. Some commenters seem to think since I squire for the Iron King, I take subliminal (or even unconscious) shots at J.T. Barrett and Braxton Miller. That would be like whining about the color of a free Ferrari.

That said, this stat surprised me, especially given the level of Cardale's competition:

NFL QB Rating on plays under pressure in 2014: Cardale Jones: (114.8) J.T. Barrett: (67.2) #Buckeyes #QBCompetition pic.twitter.com/4s5EQfQ0ke

— Pro Football Focus (@PFF) July 8, 2015

ROOSTER'S TO THE SHOE. *hits corncob pipe and looks into the sky like Gandalf*

From Evan Weese of BizJournals.com:

The Roosters in the Shoe concession will be a sizable operation at the 105,000-seat stadium, spokesman Dan Ponton said.

“We’re going to take a very, very large area in south stands with nine points of sale,” Ponton told me.

No seating will be available so the menu will be tweaked for easier eating on the go. It’ll serve boneless wings, hot dogs, fries, tots and nachos for between $4 and $8.50.

I've been to Rooster's twice, and I found both experiences yielded as much pizzazz as a pizza purchased from a gas station that runs brick weed out the back. $8.50 can buy a lot cooler things than some salt, processed cheese, and cardboard chips.

TIP OF THE CAP TO THE DISTINGUISHED SCHOLARS. As always: I'm impressed with any student-athlete who also shows out in the classroom. So impressed, I'm going to contribute to my future carpal tunnel by typing all Ohio State's distinguished scholar-athletes' names.

(Note: Yellow denotes a 4.0)

/dies

THOSE WMDs. "A cool selfie may cost you your LIFE": A Russian guide to cheating death... Synthetic marijuana running wild at Syracuse... How Billy Mitchell became a video-game superstar and achieved Pac-Man bliss... Dog walks 35 miles home... Atlanta strip club runs music.