Columbus Day Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on October 13, 2014 at 6:00 am
Mike Thomas DA GAWD
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BEFORE WE BEGIN Y'ALL KNOW I GOTTA HIT IT ONE TIME:

~*~* BEER WE GO BROWNIES, BEER WE GO!!!!! ~*~*

Yessir! I've been waiting a long, long time to drop Ben Roethlisberger in a fashion like that. (Thank you for your divine inspiration, Drunk Papa John.)  


Today is Columbus Day, which, namesake of this great city aside, I'm unsure of how it is still a thing considering ol' Christopher was one of history's biggest dicks. But, whatever, here's America's greatest living Warlock:

Les Miles to Michigan, please and thanks.

STUMP FLIPS. The big news yesterday — for those of you who were too busy celebrating the Brownies running wild — was 2015 four-star wide receiver Alex Stump, an Ohioan, flipping from Kentucky to a small school in Columbus of which you've likely never heard. (The Lord of Whispers broke down the meaning of the flip over here).

Yessir, Alex, and welcome to the squadron! I am no prognosticator — and sure, I'm a bit biased — but you will not regret this decision.

By the way, see if you can spot the pattern here:

YOUNG PUP PRODUCTION. Back in September (those were the days), I mentioned 80% of Ohio State's 2014 points had been scored by freshmen or sophomores. The young dogs of war haven't stopped producing since then.

From the venerable Bill Rabinowitz of The Columbus Dispatch:

But it goes way beyond Barrett. Freshmen and sophomores account for 1,153 of Ohio State’s 1,235 rushing yards (93 percent), led by sophomore Ezekiel Elliott’s 462 yards.

Underclassmen have 58 percent of the team’s receiving yardage, with redshirt sophomore Michael Thomas leading the way with 17 catches for 322 yards and five touchdowns.

On defense, six of the nine leading tacklers are sophomores or freshmen. Sophomore Joey Bosa leads the team in tackles for loss (seven) and sacks (3½). Redshirt freshman Eli Apple leads with two interceptions.

Even though the youth of the team played a massive role in the loss to Virginia Tech, I've come to embrace it. I love when unproven guys step up and do the damn thing. And if the Big Ten can't knock Ohio State off this year, then look out, bums, because this is likely "the worst" team Ohio State will have between now and the fall of 2016.

GARY NOVA COMETH. It's a big week for your boy, as my favorite non-OSU player, Rutgers' quarterback Gary Nova, invades Columbus (3:30 PM, ABC). For those of you who don't recognize Nova, you best get familiar:

It should be another big test for Ohio State's secondary, as Rutgers is also coming off a bye-week. (Rutgers, Penn State and Michigan State all get byes before playing Ohio State — how is that legal!??!?!) 

ILLINOIS FAN HAS AN INTERESTING STRATEGY. Imagine a world where your team is so pitiful you're looking to the likes of HOUSTON NUTT as a savior. Such is the depths to which one Illini fan has sunk (via @TomFornelli):

his brother coaches at EIU

TIL: Danny Nutt, the real name of a real human being, is an assistant coach at Eastern Illinois. For some reason, this is a reason why Houston Nutt would make a good coach at Illinois.

This is why I love the internet; burn on, Chief Aviator1. That's a helluva first post; you might have a career in this thing. 

LOOKIN' GOOD, BYRON! According to Byron Mullens' Wikipedia (I'd love to meet the boss who keeps Byron Mullens' Wikipedia page current), Mullens now plays for something called the Shanxi Zhongyu in the Chinese Basketball Association.

According to this picture, he's also apparently converted to the Amish:

THOSE WMDs. I detest the Bengals but I do love me some Ickey Shuffle... What happens when second graders are treated to a seven-course, $220 tasting meal... #Teen's family is so upset she won't stop Vining them... Seriously, they're so mad... Winning becoming the expectation in Cleveland... Floyd Mayweather could use the money... IMPORTANT COLD WEATHER PSA...

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