Friday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on September 5, 2014 at 6:00 am
Darron Lee at Ohio State's 2014 media day. [Walt Keys, ElevenWarriors.com]
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I was team #antiOxfordComma, but now I think I'm team #OxfordComma. In the end, this was the deciding piece of evidence for me. (Somewhat NSFW).

This week's NSFW ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:

BENNETT PROFILED IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED. Jason tweeted this from the @11W account yesterday, but since a lot more people don't have Twitter than do (AND BECAUSE THIS IS MY DOMINION!!!111), I'm starting with Sports Illustrated's profile of OSU's boss defensive tackle, Michael Bennett.

The first Monopoly Monday began with a trip to Target to buy the game and a $40 crockpot that no one ended up using. It continued with a 20-minute detour to Walmart to find the right Monopoly, the one with bank cards and digital money that Target didn’t have, because Michael Bennett has been rumored to sneak $500 bills off the pile or print his own fake currency in advance. Precautions were necessary.

While the Ohio State defensive tackle’s board game tactics may be occasionally counterfeit, his ruthlessness is unquestionably authentic. This week, against four competitors at his off-campus house, Bennett built an empire with deeds to Boardwalk and Park Place​ and four houses stationed on each. He boasted three other monopolies sporting hotels as well as all four railroads. At one point, Bennett’s girlfriend, Carolina, landed on his property and was short on cash. After assuring Carolina he'd let her off for a lesser amount, Bennett thought about and then turned to a roommate, Brandon Beam. I’m not going to let her off, he told his friend, which is how Michael Bennett bankrupted his girlfriend out of Monopoly Monday.

“I destroyed them in it,” Bennett says. “I’m a business shark in Monopoly. Wheeling and dealing.”

Not going to lie... I have a friend who will literally cheat in any conceivable (and previously inconceivable) way in any competition, no matter how trivial or mundane. It's infuriating.

So I can relate to Michael Bennett's roommates. While my friend could also put me in the hospital if he so chose, he's also not a 300 lbs man who is personally trained by Mickey Marotti.

But I digress from the most baffling part of this story: MONOPOLY? I didn't know a single person under 30 — let alone a group of them — was capable of concentrating long enough to play a game of Monotony Monopoly. 

Unless it's the 1880s, Monopoly is about as entertaining as a class on cutting-edge offensive philosophy, as taught by Professor Jim Bollman. 

COREY LINSLEY HOLDS HIS OWN. Corey Linsley started for the Packers last night at center, and before the game, Seattle Seahawks' linebacker Bruce Irvin said he'd "pray for" Linsley.

Granted, the Seahawks dispatched the Packers pretty easily, but Corey Linsley is from Youngstown, and Youngstownians(!?) aren't punked easily.

But don't take my word for it:

There were some mistakes — including a botched snap count — but the rookie also handled that like a man:

Roll damn Corey Linsley.

MICHIGAN GOT SO TROLLED. You may have heard by now, Ohio State and Notre Dame entered a pact for a home-and-home series in 2022 and 2023.

While I love the idea of dumping Notre Dame — people thought smoking cigarettes was healthy the last time Notre Dame beat Ohio State, by the way — I'm also a bit worried Notre Dame could be a Ghost of Christmas Past (even more so than they are today) by the time the series comes to fruition.

In the mean time, however, I must applaud any trolling of Michigan.

From Terry Foster of DetroitNews.com:

“Obviously Ohio State and Notre Dame do not like Michigan," said former Michigan running back Stan Edwards, whose son Braylon also starred as a receiver for the Wolverines. “There is nothing at Michigan that Ohio State wants. There is nothing about Michigan that Notre Dame wants. They feel pretty good about where they are and what they are to college football, and that has nothing to do with where Michigan is now.

“National pundits are beginning to look at Michigan as a regional program. They don't respect Michigan. They (Ohio State and Notre Dame) not only don't respect them, but they kind of don't like them. So that might be one way of them saying, ‘We don't need you.’"

This is more than a business deal. This is personal. Ohio State is not just another school. It is Michigan’s chief rival. Buckeyes hate Wolverines so much that every Big Ten flag flies in its stadium except Michigan’s. Even Notre Dame has a flag in the stadium.

Dropping Michigan for Ohio State is the first smart thing Notre Dame has done since carbonite-encased Charlie Weis was wheeled out of South Bend on a dolly in the middle of the night by a gang of disgruntled pilgrims. 

CARLOS HYDE'S DOG IS BALLER. Merry Friday, y'all:

THOSE WMDs. Brave #teen chooses jail over middle school... TBDBITL is excited for prime time performance... Guy lived in Maine woods for 27 years, stole Pokémon from kids... The Race to Ruin Sports...  Florida woman's name is Cherries Waffles Tennis... Down goes Barbie! Down goes Barbie!

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