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Baseball is the worst sport ever. I'm going to fix it.

AngryWoody's picture
May 31, 2014 at 1:51pm
65 Comments

Baseball fans, how can you stand to watch a full game? Seriously, if I wanted to watch three hours of guys in tight pants chewing gum and spanking each other I'd camp out in the line for a Justin Beiber concert. Among people my age (18-25) soccer is more popular than baseball. SOCCER! The truth is that baseball is old, outdated and needs to change or it's going to die off. So as a non-baseball fan here are my ideas to make the game not so horrible.

(This is all off the top of my head)

1. Fifteen second play clock. - From the time one pitch leaves the pitcher's hand to the next pitch no more than fifteen seconds can pass. First violation in an inning results in a ball. Repeated violations will result in an instant walk for the batter. I get so sick and tired of watching between every pitch as the pitcher plays with his ball cap and the batter kicks the same stupid spot in the ground 500 bazillion times for no reason. THROW THE DAMN BALL ALREADY.

2. Tiger Pits - The home team gets to hide three secret tiger pits somewhere in the field Indiana Jones style.

3. Play fewer games - Do you really have to play 162 games? I get it, baseball stadiums want to sell more tickets and if they have more games they can sell more. Do you know what the problem is? It's normally just the same 12 jackasses in the stadium every game. They're not growing their brand by taking the small group of old geezers who still give a damn about the game and wringing their pockets at the home games 81 times a year. Play fewer games, make it exciting. I want to watch a game where every pitch/swing actually counts for something then maybe some new fans will show up instead of the same guys over and over. Isn't that excitement why we love college football?

4. Two Pitchers - Think about it. Two mounds. Two pitchers. No clue where the ball is coming from. Oh yeah, I'd watch that.

5. Metal bats - Let em use metal bats. I wanna see some runs.

6. Full Contact - Yes. Baseball needs to be a full contact sport. Basically, after the batter hits the ball Ryan Shazier puts on full pads and knocks the basemen flat on their ass so the runner can make it home. Basemen get to wear pads as well and try to fend off the blocker while attempting to gang tackle the runner. If the runner is caught by a baseman, an MMA ring is lowered down from the sky and the two fight to the death.

7. Tarp roll of death - It's sad when rolling out the tarps is more exciting than the game.

Incidentally, the guy running from the tarp showed more effort than any player in the history of baseball ever.

I'm just making this crap up as I go, but I think all of these changes would make baseball less of a barf-fest.

 

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

The WNBA would like a word.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

+3 HS
AngryWoody's picture

I would rather watch ten 5'6 girls attempt and fail to dunk while shooting 30% from the field en route to a 15-7 final score than ever watch a baseball game. At least they're moving instead of twiddling their thumbs the whole time.

Our Honor Defend!

-2 HS
Buckeyevstheworld's picture

Wow. You really must hate baseball. XD

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

+1 HS
brunstar's picture

But they have great fundamentals.

 

+3 HS
ITWASME's picture

I have a better idea. If you don't like baseball don't watch it. I love baseball and I'm sure plenty of people on this website love it too. Plus, there are quite a few people who are not fans of soccer and could make up ridiculous things to trash that sport too

+5 HS
AngryWoody's picture

Don't get so bent out of shape. I suggested Tiger pits and MMA fights. I'm not taking this very seriously, neither should you.

Our Honor Defend!

+5 HS
Byaaaahhh's picture

But on an actually serious note, baseball is incredibly boring.

+3 HS
JohnnyKozmo's picture

Love the Tiger Pit idea-I prefer the Gladiator pits though in the Coliseum.

 

#7-Legalize Steroids-who cares if they want to juice??? I mean really, who cares.  The baseball writers?  Will it taint the records?  No more so than any other technological advancements do in every sport.  Look at composite shafts in Hockey, Driver size and material in Golf, Stickum on gloves in Football.

 

 I want to see 700ft Home Runs and 150MPH Fastballs!!!

 

#8-Dizzy Bat-Every batter must make 10 dizzy bat spins

+5 HS
jBarnes's picture

 

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”  ― Douglas Adams

+6 HS
Scarlet_Lutefisk's picture

Go outside & get some sunlight kid. It'll do you a world of good.

+7 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

As for soccer, which is unwatchable, just eliminating the offsides rule would be a huge benefit. The defenders get beat by the offense and it's a penalty on the offense? LOL.

JohnnyKozmo's picture

yea, agree here-or put in something similar to hockey, with a zone that the offense can't be in prior to the ball.

-1 HS
chicagobuckeye's picture

That's kind of like saying having a LB line up next to the QB

-1 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

It's more like saying if a WR beats a DB deep, the WR and offense get penalized.

+2 HS
JohnnyKozmo's picture

No its more like saying no cherry picking like in hockey.  A football reference would be a WR who starts the play 20yds down field.  There are plenty of breakaways in hockey with an offsides rule in place, especially after they got rid of counting the redline in 2 line passes.

-1 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

If cherry picking is the issue, use something similar to basketball's rule of being in the paint too long. The way offsides is in soccer now is awful.

chicagobuckeye's picture

I was trying to make it as simple as possible. I played for years and enjoy watching it. I think the rule is about as fair as it could be. You have to be in front of the second to last defender (including the goalie) at the time of the kick. If a WR beats a DB deep the. It would be the same thing. Did you not understand the rule or something else? I guess I'm confused as to what you'd want to see. 

-1 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

Why should the offense have to be in front of the defender? I get the cherry picking thing, but there are other ways to deal with it. If the defender is playing up too far, it shouldn't be a penalty on the offense.

-1 HS
chicagobuckeye's picture

It works all the way up to the half line. You can't be offside in your own half and if you understand cherry picking then i don't think I can say anymore to change your mind. What if you had to be within 1 yard or 5 or 10? Then why not be in line with him. Or you could be offside for 2 seconds? Who is going to time that when the field is 80 by 120 yards?

Buckeye Knight's picture

Maybe the solution would be to add another line? Maybe at half of each half (quarter lines) and then offsides only applies in the far quarter instead of the entire far half of the field?

JohnnyKozmo's picture

Thats essentially what i am saying in relating it to the NHL.  Players can get behind the D, but there is still a limit.  

Seattle Linga's picture

I actually like soccer and baseball but you'd be lucky to watch a game that only lasts 3 hours. I can't watch a Red Sox vs. Yankees marathon b/c they ALWAYS last over 3.5 hours sometimes over 4 especially when they are being televised by espin.

+2 HS
southbay's picture

Well said Seattle.  The OP misses the point about the crowd in the stands, it's not about them but rather the TV audience, which produces more revenue as the game lasts longer.

AngryWoody's picture

You're not getting the point that baseball is a dying sport and wont be around if they don't do something to get new fans. The baby boomers aren't gonna be around to prop MLB up forever.

Our Honor Defend!

-1 HS
southbay's picture

You're probably quite right Woody. The game is too slow for me, and I'm not young. It's the powers that be that don't see it that way.

Buckeye5000's picture

So you are implying a 1-0 soccer game is more exciting than a 5-4 baseball game? Can't say I agree. Yes, Soccer may have more player movement, but almost all of it turns out to be useless movement since teams rarely score. No, I am not a soccer hater, I am a fan of both sports. But it seems to me the reason soccer has not caught on with the viewing public in this country (it is going up though because of the influence of immigration from soccer loving countries) is because the game seems boring to Americans because of the lack of scoring. You will regularly see baseball games that have 10-7 scores (or higher in college or youth baseball) but how often do you see a soccer score of 5-4 in the MLS (or other major soccer league)?

Just my thoughts.

 

 

Go Bucks!

Seattle Linga's picture

I guess I am a sports junkie - I got a chance to play collegiate soccer and tennis. And to this day I don't think there is a sport that I say I honestly don't like. The only sport I have never played is Jai Alai because i am left handed. I understand that there are people out there that make fun of soccer and think baseball is boring but I am not one of them and I certainly will not apologize for enjoying the nuances each sport brings.

+1 HS
bucked up's picture

Seriously, you sound like the type of person who thinks Transformers is a better movie than Gone With The Wind because there's "too much talking and not enough action." Baseball fans, like myself, find the game exciting because we enjoy watching the duel between pitcher and hitter, and how each of these one-on-one matchups affect the outcome for all 25 guys on each team. Strategies, such as what pitches to throw, what pitchers to use, what hitters to insert into the lineup, when to send baserunners, when to bunt and where to place the fielders, give the sport a complex and cerebral dimension that is rare among other sports. And if you are not at the very least impressed with the control and speed at which the pitchers throw, the distance of the homeruns or the miraculous defensive plays, then you are simply a fool

+5 HS
AngryWoody's picture

BOOOOOORING, because all i ever see is this:

 

Our Honor Defend!

+2 HS
bucked up's picture

Yes, because the action in football never stops. You never see football players just idling around for 30 seconds after a play that only lasts for four seconds. Oh wait...

+4 HS
Buckeye5000's picture

But look at the score in the GIF you posted above. 2 runs have already been scored and it is just the beginning of the 3rd. inning. A typical high caliber soccer match might have that for the whole match....and then it would be a 1-1 tie.

Go Bucks!

Buckeye in Illini country's picture

I doubt Chipper was playing that day.  I also doubt you are amped up in the first quarter of a regular season football or basketball game, which is equivalent of the being in the 3rd inning.  

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

+1 HS
cinserious's picture

Its weird seeing Chipper Jones as a grown man!

Life's daily struggle is choosing between saying F--ck-it, or soldiering on with your responsibilities.  

OSUBias's picture

Even though the OP was semi joking, here is the hole in your logic. All of the things you love baseball for (that you listed above) existed 50 years ago when the games took 2-3 hours. The game has only evolved in a few ways, none of which are fan friendly: the batters step out of the box and dick around with their gloves after every pitch for unknown reasons. The pitchers putz around and shake off 5 times before settling in, only to have the batter step out. Lather, rinse, repeat...for 4-5 hours. Regularly over 5 hours if it is NY-BOS.

My argument would be that you can still have everything you like without the game taking that long. Let the pitchers throw whenever they are ready. No calling time or stepping out of the box. If the hitter isn't ready, tough shit.You're down a strike. 7 innings might not be a horrible idea either. Also, make the strike zone the ACTUAL size it is supposed to be, instead of the size of a dinner plate (and a small dinner plate at that).

Shitter's full

+1 HS
Buckeye in Illini country's picture

http://www.businessinsider.com/mlb-games-length-instant-replay-system-20...

Average game length is just over 3 hours; hardly the 4-5 hours you say.

I do agree though; the best way to speed up the game would be call the strike zone correctly; knees to the numbers.

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

+2 HS
cinserious's picture

I'm with you OSUbias except for the 7 innings thing. You cant desecrate the game in that manner.

Life's daily struggle is choosing between saying F--ck-it, or soldiering on with your responsibilities.  

+1 HS
Rocket Man's picture

You need to try some Mario Super Sluggers.  It's got all you want and more.

I didn't go to engineering school to be a 'people person'

AngryWoody's picture

You wouldn't pay to watch this guy bat?

 

Our Honor Defend!

Page Turner's picture

A thinking man's game.  Granted some managers overdo it like college bb coaches controlling every play....  George Will authored an excellent book, "Men at Work".  He writes of average athletes, not juiced, that are on top of their game because they think and pay attention to detail.  I agree the season and play-offs are too long, but attend a minor league game and/or watch Ken Burns documentary about baseball and it's evolution.

If you can't be a Buckeye, it's good to know one - Carpe Diem

+3 HS
AngryWoody's picture

I do agree that it is a thinking man's game because the whole time it's on you have nothing to do but think "Where did my life go wrong that the only thing I have to do in my free time is watch a bunch of guys chew gum for four hours?"

 

Our Honor Defend!

-4 HS
OSU_ALUM_05's picture

I've always liked baseball....only sport I played through high school, etc. ..however, even I think it's played too slow. Less time between pitches would be great IMO

+2 HS
Buck Commander's picture

Baseball is only fun if you are a fan of the game or played it........If you hate it so much watch re-runs of Sanford and Son that will give you a laugh or two!

Every time I set my DVR to record Biggest Loser......It always records Wolverine Football Games!

+2 HS
southbay's picture

I'm comin' to join ya, Elizabeth!

+2 HS
Hovenaut's picture

Buck Commander is not a big dummy.

I am not very smart, but I recognize that I am not very smart.

+2 HS
teddyballgame's picture

OP is just mad because he plays ball like a GIRL!

 

+5 HS
Seattle Linga's picture

You're Killing Me Smalls

 

+1 HS
Groveport Heisman's picture

 

Mark my words..I don't need acceptance. I'm catching interceptions on you innocent pedestrians.

+1 HS
Buckeye in Illini country's picture

You must have really hated Tresselball and Bollmanball.

 

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

+2 HS
Jastot's picture

Baseball is meant to be consumed live, TV destroys 65% of the experience.  You are probably also stuck watching the Indians which would suck.

DJ Byrnes's picture

Baseball is the worst sport. Golf is a close second.

It is known. Angry, I got your back on this one, brother.

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

bigtenspeed's picture

I love baseball but agree that there needs to be a time limit in between pitches. Worst offender was Rafael Betancourt. He used to take like a minute in between pitches.

+1 HS
Lon_Paul's picture

It's times like these that I wish one could still downvote forum posts . . .
 

cinserious's picture

To the OP: 

I feel you on some of your points but baseball is the recreational spirit of America. It is not only the national pastime but one of the foundations of our country. I'm 35 years old and grew up loving the Reds through and through. I admit I ignored them throughout the 'lost decade' recently but my passion renewed in the late '00's.

I never realized how intensely America and baseball are intertwined and how important they are to each other's past, present, and future until a couple years ago I watched a documentary on Netflix: Ken Burns' Baseball. Only then did I realize how special the game is and how important it is to preserve its history and significance . Regardless of the scandals and the strikes, the true fans will never completely abandon the game. Temporarily, we get pissed enough to leave for awhile, but it always draws us back. Always!

I know football is the hot ticket now and for good reason, its a great game and we have the Buckeyes, Bengals, Browns, and Steelers. But it can never fully surpass the mistique of the game of baseball. Too much history, too many heroes, too many kids playing a scene straight out of 'the Sandlot'. Rich,poor, black,white, hispanic. It doesn't matter.  A stick and a makeshift ball, a field and a few kids makes magic happen!

Life's daily struggle is choosing between saying F--ck-it, or soldiering on with your responsibilities.  

+2 HS
GlueFingers Lavelli's picture

Dustin Fox was our leading tackler as a corner.... because his guy always caught the ball.

+1 HS
CentralFloridaBuckeye's picture

Maybe we could have baseball players suit up in football gear then get rid of the bats and baseballs and play with a football!  Hey, that would solve it!  Would love to see the Indians play the Pirates in a football game!!

Go Bucks!!

route4buckeye's picture

Ridiculous. Baseball is awesome. Everyone has an asshole and everyone has an opinion. I think soccer is garbage.

If I didn't have to work a day in my life, I would probably go to a game every day.
 

+3 HS
Crumb's picture

Baseball is my least favorite of the four major sports in America but it's better than soccer, no ties in baseball. Although I must say this, if baseball didn't have the homerun I'm not sure I could watch it. Ever.

"The only good thing about it is winning the d*** thing" - Urban Meyer on The Game The War

+1 HS
BuckeyeNationforLife's picture

if baseball didn't have the homerun I'm not sure I could watch it. Ever.

 

+1 HS
cdub4's picture

Baseball is awesome. Favorite sport. I watch more baseball than the NFL. I hate golf with a passion. I don't get soccer.

+1 HS
Groveport Heisman's picture

I'll half way agree and say baseball is pretty damn boring till after the all-star break. Then I start attending games and paying more attention. The season is way too damn long is all. If we  packed more meaningful games into a shorter schedule you wouldnt see center fielders picking dandelions.

Mark my words..I don't need acceptance. I'm catching interceptions on you innocent pedestrians.

Buckeye in Illini country's picture

A lot of games are needed to separate the good teams from the bad.  Hell the worst team in baseball will beat the best team in baseball 30% of the time.  So when you then try to separate the marginal teams, it is more difficult if fewer games are played.  

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

+1 HS
Groveport Heisman's picture

I  feel where you are coming from and I'll admit you are more right then I am. But would those better teams maybe play a little harder if there were say a 80 game season? Is it all coincidence half the league steps their game up after the all-star break? Some players are complete no shows the first half the season. Some pitchers fake injuries until after the break. Do you not think if we shrunk the games in half the actual on field performance wouldnt be a little bit more ramped up? I'm not making critical claims only trying to ask serious questions. I played baseball and it was a game I loved dearly but I couldnt see playing 162 games. Its an insane number for anything sport you want people to pour their heart in.

Mark my words..I don't need acceptance. I'm catching interceptions on you innocent pedestrians.

Seattle Linga's picture

I'm still frustrated that they have basically done away with the double headers.

+1 HS
RBuck's picture

I'm betting to OP refused to have a catch with his dad. Look out for the voices.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)