Today's Skully about Vonn's date got me thinking.  Cardale Jones is a badass.  He is to be feared.  Some facts about Cardale Jones you might not know:

When Cardale Jones does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the planet down.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Cardale Jones.

Cardale Jones can cut through a knife with hot butter.

Death once had a near-Cardale experience.

Cardale Jones doesn't flush the toilet.  He scares the shit out of it.

The flu gets Cardale Jones shots.

There are no streets named Cardale Jones, because nobody crosses Cardale Jones and lives.

I'm sure I missed some... 'lil help?