Long post, so obligatory TLDR: I can't contain my sentence structures, and if you can't contain your need for anonymous, disempowered Internet bitching about how Ohio State has "failed you", kindly GTFO.  Or, as my newly minted forum avatar said in one of the most underrated SNL skits of all time:  Stop it.

I don't post on Eleven Warriors much.  But I'm on this site pretty much daily; it occupies the highly competitive, prestigious lead-off slot for my morning dump reading.  Some of you may interpret that as a disrespectful statement, but for me that means Eleven Warriors holds a special place of honor.  With my usual schedule, that fifteen-to-thirty minutes is an irreplaceable slice of heaven, my sanctum sanctorum from the pressures and demands of an unrelenting world. Life is hard guys, and sometimes I really need it, to the point where I will defend it with my own blood (my wife can be scary in the morning).

Recently during my morning devotionals, I've noticed a trend.  I'm not going to waste too much time going into the details, but by way of example:

#firemeyer (or Fickell, or Herman or even Warriner)
"I'm ashamed to be a Buckeye fan"
"I guess I'll find something else to do on Saturday"

To this sort of folk who have flooded the boards in the last few days, I have a request.  More like a plea, actually.  Look, I'm just a random dude on the internet.  I could actually be lying about even that, but given the ratio around here resembles a Magic the Gathering tournament (no hate, I still play), that one's probably a safe bet.  So let's just take it on faith, then.  I'm a dude, born in Columbus, went to OSU, and I bleed Scarlet and Grey.  Like you, I didn't have the best Saturday this past weekend.  Like you, I have my ups and my downs.  My joys, disappointments, and every point in between that spectrum.  In short, I feel you, and I hope I'm establishing a bit of a rapport, because the next thing I'm about to write might strain our new relationship.

For those of you who are in the crowd I describe above, it's a free country, and it's the internet.  I can't make you do anything.  I know this, you know this.  But I just have one, solitary, hopeful request: Please stop with the unconstructive whining, or kindly get the **** out.

Eleven Warriors is an Ohio State fan site.  And while my ability to write and read English is certainly degraded right now (an international redeye and flagrant, shameless abuse of the B-Class free drink policy will tend to have that effect), I still feel good about that translating to "Eleven Warriors is a site for fans".  

So let me tell you what a sports fan is, in the opinion of one random dude on the Internet: A pitiable, ill-advised creature that has decided to sever off an unreasonably huge part of their emotional stability and lash it to an organization over which they have absolutely zero control.  A college football fan is the worst subspecies of fan, as we've chosen a field where things never, ever, seem to work remotely as they're initially supposed to.  Except a few times with Alabama, but Nick Saban's affiliation with the Dark Powers is well known.  But basically, you lash yourself to a team for a lifetime commitment.  They may be awesome back in the '80s when you climbed on board, and then suddenly suck for the rest of your natural life.  I'm looking at you, Browns.  That's why being a fan is being borderline insane.  You're diving in and you're making a commitment with zero guarantees as to your future happiness.

If you don't dive in, if you don't make that commitment, and instead duck and dodge when your team meets with disappointment, that's not being a fan.  Even worse, if you distance yourself from that team, or start turning on them (e.g. complaining about how a 25-3 coaching staff should be "gutted"), you're not a fan.  I'm not saying you're a bad person, or even that we couldn't be pals IRL, but you're not a fan, at least of this team.  In fact, I'm not sure what you are.  "Sports Vulture"?  Maybe too harsh.  "The Blackwater of Fandom?"  Too political.  But ultimately, you're not a fan, you're something else.  

And I actually feel kind of bad for you.  True, distancing yourself from the team by attacking it probably makes last Saturday feel slightly less like a kick to the nuts (or ovaries, if women are indeed reading!), and so I guess there is some merit to avoiding these kinds of lows.  But you also never get to really experience the highs...  and man, let me tell you, they are awesome.  But it's a package deal, my random internet friend.  Sure, you'll be really excited the next time OSU wins a national championship.  But you won't feel it like someone who stuck through all the lows.  You just won't.

p.s.  All that said, I do want to make a distinction.  What I'm definitely not including in the above is level-headed criticism of the Buckeyes.  Truly loving something means accepting it, warts and all.  And let's be honest, there were a lot of warts this past Saturday.  There's lots of good discussion there.  On the other hand, it could be worse, and on Saturday worse was pretty easy to see (several channels over, Devin Gardner doing his best "What if we put Harry Caray in a football uniform and gave him a gallon jar each of bourbon and uppers?" impression).  So just remember, at the beginning of a week where none of us are feeling particularly thankful - there's that.