Ryan Shazier vs Chuck Norris

By D. Anthony -04 December 2012
60 Comments
- Football

I for one think (I mean, I know) Ryan Shazier is tougher than Chuck Norris, and it's a long off-season, so anyone interested in starting a Chuck Norris style Ryan Shazier fact list? You know, "The Titanic didn't run into an iceberg, it ran into Ryan Shazier" or "Ryan Shazier owns a grizzly bear rug, it's not dead it's just afraid to move"...these are Norris quote rip-offs but I figured some of you out there could come up with some originals for Mr. Shazier and possibly earn some up-votes while making the off-season move a little faster.

D. Anthony on 4 Dec 2012 - 4:37pm #

Bret Beliema left Wisconsin out of fear of Ryan Shazier

D. Anthony

Poison nuts on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:53am #

Nice.

The world is full of kings & queens who'll blind your eyes & steal your dreams - it's heaven & hell - Ronnie James Dio.

IBLEEDSCARLETANDGRAY on 19 Dec 2012 - 11:22am #

It's like that scene in Hunt for Red October when the submarine comes flying out of the water and the Russians yell, "Captain's scared them out of the water!!!" Same thing for Bielema leaving the B1G. Shazier scared 'em!

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest.Civil.War.Analogy.Ever

Lon_Paul on 19 Dec 2012 - 12:29pm #

Hahaha, nice one!

dubjayfootball90 on 4 Dec 2012 - 4:59pm #

I am surprised your were able to finish your original thread without a fatal roundhouse kick to the head in the middle of typing.... You sir, are one lucky b*st*rd

D. Anthony on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:31pm #

Shazier blocked it for me then gave himself 2 buckeye leaf stickers and 1 Norris face sticker for his helmet.

D. Anthony

Lincoln on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:00pm #

Watch it. Ryan Shazier does not like his name in same sentence as Bret Bel..

William on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:02pm #

Ryan Shazier has counted to infinity, twice....

JasonBuck on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:06pm #

Ryan Shazier doesn't sack quarterbacks, quarterbacks fall down in fear of Ryan Shazier

luckynutz on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:40pm #

Anyone can lead a horse to water. Only ryan shazier can make it drink.

CanadianBuckeye on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:44pm #

Ryan Shazier doesn't have alopecia he just couldn't find razors strong enough to cut through his hair so he scared his hair back into his head.

Am I bad at this?

D. Anthony on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:58pm #

none of us are probably too good at this, but it's fun trying.

D. Anthony

Oyster on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:59pm #

Mr Norris does not approve of this thread.

D. Anthony on 4 Dec 2012 - 5:59pm #

Screw the down voting idiots/bandits who obviously haven't read the suggestions for voting.

D. Anthony

btalbert25 on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:10pm #

As a 13 year old kid in Florida, Ryan Shazier made JoePa shit his pants on the Ohio Stadium sideline.

Oyster on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:15pm #

I assuming you did you do the math to get the age correct?

btalbert25 on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:26pm #

I thought JoePa's shitting happened in 2006, figured if Shazier is a sophomore he's about 19. Just educated guessing lol.

Oyster on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:29pm #

I gave you the benefit of the doubt without even checking. It sounded right.

BrewstersMillions on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:19pm #

There are two types of people in this world, and Ryan Shazier would sack both of them.

4-6 seconds from point A to point B and when you get to point B, be pissed off

Lon_Paul on 19 Dec 2012 - 12:30pm #

Awesome

BrewstersMillions on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:21pm #

Ryan Shazier will take your life and your freedom.

4-6 seconds from point A to point B and when you get to point B, be pissed off

BrewstersMillions on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:21pm #

Ryan Shazier knows exactly how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck would.

4-6 seconds from point A to point B and when you get to point B, be pissed off

William on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:25pm #

Ryan Shazier knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of Tootsie pop.

BrewstersMillions on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:28pm #

Manti Te'o has a Ryan Shazier tatoo.

4-6 seconds from point A to point B and when you get to point B, be pissed off

Defiance J on 4 Dec 2012 - 9:33pm #

Best one.

luckynutz on 4 Dec 2012 - 6:59pm #

When superman sleeps, he wears ryan shazier pajamas.

GirthBrooks on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:25pm #

If at first you dont succeed.........youre not ryan shazier

burkmon on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:36pm #

Ryan Damn Shazier does not own a stove, oven or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.

ODEEZ330 on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:38pm #

when the boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for ryan shazier

O'Deez330
stark county football

kareemabduljacobb on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:40pm #

Ryan Shazier doesn't call the wrong number... you answer the wrong phone.

kareemabduljacobb on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:42pm #

During class, teachers need to raise their hands in order to speak to Ryan Shazier.

luckynutz on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:49pm #

When ryan shazier takes a shower, he doesn't get wet. The water gets ryan shaziered.

D. Anthony on 4 Dec 2012 - 10:50pm #

Ryan Shazier once visited the Virgin Islands, now their just known as the islands.

D. Anthony

Squirrel Master on 4 Dec 2012 - 11:11pm #

Braxton Miller didn't need to win the Heisman, he was unanimously voted as the winner of the Shazier!

Tdizzle on 4 Dec 2012 - 11:26pm #

Something strange in the neighborhood who u gonna call?? Ryan Shazier

VintonCountyBuck on 5 Dec 2012 - 1:36am #

Toilet paper was originally named Ryan Shazier but they quickly realized it would'nt take shit off anyone!!

“Right now, Michigan is not at the pinnacle of college football, and that’s all Urban Meyer cares about...He’s been there and knows what it takes to get there.”

Boom777 on 5 Dec 2012 - 6:31am #

Chuck Norris has a Ryan Shazier action figure

Wherever you are, there you be!

D. Anthony on 5 Dec 2012 - 8:36am #

Jim Delany is finally ready to change the poorly named divisions from the Leaders and Legends to the Ryan and Shazier.

D. Anthony

Sofa Kingdom on 5 Dec 2012 - 8:50am #

Googled where is chuck norris, this is what came up...

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, Ryan Damn Shazier finds Chuck Norris.

NObuck-I-inTEAM on 5 Dec 2012 - 9:04am #

Ryan Shazier's iPhone didn't come with Siri, it came with Chuck Norris.

D. Anthony on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:58am #

If you give a man a fish he eats for a day, if Ryan Shazier gives a man a fish it will be a great white shark.

D. Anthony

GoBucks713 on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:25am #

Ryan Shazier goes to Jurrasic Park to adopt a pet.

-The Aristocrats!

chitown buckeye on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:36am #

When Alexander Grahm Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Ryan Shazier.

"I'll fire when I'm god damn good and ready! You got that?" - Pete "Maverick" Mitchel

Norwalk on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:39am #

To hell with the Mayan calendar. The world doesn't come to an end until Ryan Damn Shazier says it does.

hail2victors9 on 5 Dec 2012 - 10:56am #

Not Chuck Norris, but when I stumbled on this today, this thread is what I thought of.

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler

buckeyedude on 19 Dec 2012 - 9:58am #

I didn't "go through puberty," it went through me.

Lost it right there. Funny stuff.

"Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license."

RedsBuckeyeBoy on 5 Dec 2012 - 2:40pm #

My favorie Chuck Norris rip-off:

When Ryan Shazier donates blood, he forgoes the syringe and instead just asks for a bucket and a handgun.

An original for Shazier:

Hurricane Sandy was originally set to make landfall over Plantation, FL, but Ryan Shazier used a series of rapid roundhouse kicks to save his hometown by changing the trajectory of the storm.

Rutgers, after suffering the devastating effects, immediately petitioned for Big Ten membership in an attempt to befriend Shazier. Little did they know they were only setting themselves up for more Shazierricanes in the future...