My father-in-law has been living with us for almost 2 years. The reason for him living with us was so that he could pay off his fines. He has collection agencies calling him on a daily basis. My mother-in-law (his wife) does not want him back until he cleans up. My wife and I have been asking him for receipts to show us he's been paying his bills. He has yet to provide us with any receipts. He is on social security and gets a decent amount. But he seems to not have any money. One time we found out that he was at a casino. He told us that he's been to the casino only that one time. The other day my 8 year old tells my wife and I that grandpa asked her for 20 bucks so that he can get gas. She also told us that this wasn't the first time he's asked her for money. We are not sure what he is doing with his money. But I am pretty positive he has not been paying any of his fines/restitutions. He is one of those habitual liars but It's tough for me to say that to my wife because it would hurt her. It seems like we are just enabling him by letting him stay with us. Last night my wife finally talked to him and told him that he has until October 1st to move out.
PHONE'S RINGING -- IT'S URBAN ON THE LINE
•Football Schedule•Basketball Schedule•Forum•About•Contact
11W Poll
Buckshots
Buckshots Block
-
Blaz Rola Advances to NCAA Semifinals in Singles Competition
Ohio State Men's Tennis still has a shot at singles glory.
-
Fifty is Nifty
Happy Birthday, RichRod!
-
Oct. 19 Homecoming Game vs. Iowa Slated for 3:30 p.m.
Hawkeyes make first trip to Ohio Stadium since 2009.
-
Ray Small Apologizes to His Coaches, Teammates and Buckeye Nation
“My former teammates were the world to me and I treated them like they were nothing.”
-
Dante Booker: What This Means
How does the commitment of 2014 Ohio star Dante Booker impact Ohio State moving forward?
-
50 Twitter Accounts Every College Football Fan Should Follow
It must be Twitter list day around here. Also: humble-bragging.
Recent Blog Posts
- So... You've Encountered an Internet Troll
- My Interview with Al Borges
- Wrestling: A Look Back at the Career of 4-time NCAA Qualifier CJ Magrum
- 2013: The WR Rotation
- The Dontre Wilson Impact
- Better know a ... Mountaineer?
- Joey Bosa = perfect OOS recruit!
- Wrestling: Stieber defeats #1 Ranked wrestler in the world at Rumble on the Rails
- Response to Johnny's "There's so much money going around, well, mostly"
- My Worst Ohio State Football Experience Ever
Active in the Forum
- God I HATE soccer.
- Let's Not Forget
- Mike Mitchell Is A Freak
- East Texas Football
- Bama's Key Departures More Significant Than They Appear
- Michigan Takes Over at #1 in ESPN's Class of 2014 Rankings
- SuperTroll Mark May does not have OSU in his top 10
- Aint Nuthin but a Gee Thang - Snoop Lion's Kid is a top 100???
- A new name for Mark May
- 2014 QB Brandon Harris Will Visit Columbus Next Week
- Quick Bits (Memorial Day Weekend)
- Buckeye military promotion!
- Deshaun Watson visited Auburn today
- Initial Top 247 for 2015 Out
- First 9R 11W Award!
Want to say hello?
We love hearing from you! Whether you want to work with us, discuss advertising opportunities, or pass us a hot tip, you're more than welcome to drop us a line.
I liked the part where this was football related
Sorry, just trying to get some opinions.
Tough situation man, my mom has been going through something very similar to this with my older and extremely irresponsible sister.
Bottom line, if he can't take responsibility or be held accountable, it doesn't sound to me like he is trying to clean things up or that he really even wants to. It will surely be difficult, but it sounds like he's not doing what he needs to do to stay in your house. Letting him be there for 2 years might've even been too long.
The only way I think you should let him stay is if you set up strict guidelines for what he needs to do and how he needs to do it and if he doesn't follow it, he's gone. I know its his mess, but if you or your wife could get all of his bills and force him to give you the money to pay them to make sure he does, which is what my mom has had to do with my sister. It sounds to me like he needs someone to hold his hand and force him to get it together.
There's an "anything else" forum devoted precisely to this kind of thing
Tough spot. I'd give him an ultimatum to pay off "X" amount of debt by a certain date and if he didn't meet your expectations, boot him.
Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler
Form tackle him.
"You win with people." - Woody Hayes
Totally not football related but I say WWUD (What Would Urban Do)!
Gotta kick him out and peel that bandaid. It is hard but you have to think about your wife and family and he is creating potential harm towards them but doing whatever it is he is doing! You are definitely enabling him. He might not understand it but if you really truly want to help him and show him you really care, you gotta be tough and do the right thing.
Now if you can, see if he will set it up to have you mediate his money. Tell him you will take care of his rent, bills and fines and give him a stipend to live on or goodbye! Only way you can help him. I used to be a cigarette smoker and I tried to quit. Only way I could is when my money was taken by my wife so I couldn't buy any. Only way it worked! I am much healthier now and happy she did that.
Is he a michigan fan?
He's a Badger fan.
If he is a Badger fan, what is the dilema exactly?
I wonder how many people read the title of this thread before clicking and immediately thought "It's not wrong if he's a Michigan fan"...
Unless he shows you proof that he's paying his debts, I don't think it's wrong at all to boot him out. You can't help people that won't help themselves.
Class of 2010.
Asking your daughter for money? F that. Make it sept 1st and celebrate a buckeye victory too.
I know there's a game saturday, and my ass will be there.
@Show that was exactly my thought through the entire article
"I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault."
--Jack Tatum
nevermind, i-8 is being his normal self...carry on, carry on
I think you've given him ample time to show he's willing and capable of doing the right thing. If you're asking for proof he's handling his responsibilities and he is refusing to provide them, throw his ass out. It's not your responsibility.
Fan of bacon since 1981
Your past views on my contributions are very relevant here, thank you.
The first question you should ask yourself is what would you do if it was your father...
I like Squirrel Masters idea about him giving you basically power of attorney over his finances. Or maybe it should be done by your mother in-law if shes willing to help. If your wife is dead set on Oct. 1st him moving out, maybe as a family come up with a plan to help him get to that point. It sounds like he can go back home to his wife once he gets his act together. Continue to talk to your wife about the situation and make sure you're on the same page. I swear my wifes mind changes with the wind. Just don't let this situation poison your home. Ultimately you have to support your wife and protect your family (wife and children).
Someone smarter than me said "Nothing changes, if nothing changes"
100% of unprayed prayers go unanswered
Badger him until he evaporates.
JERRY JERRY JERRY!!! Just kick his ass.
Time to pull his scholarship.
If it seems like you're enabling him, YOU ARE... He's supposed to be the adult here, right? I think setting a date so far off in the future, is not going to put him into reality. Trust me, when people are so deep into thier issues, many never come out... & it takes something compeletly drastic, for them to finally come to thier senses. If his own wife is pushing him hard, dont undermine her work...
The answer to the question in the title is "No, it's 100% right." You don't even have to read the rest of the post. Fathers in Law belong in their own homes.
That being said, I read the full post. He's a grown man being treated with "kid gloves" more than your 8 year old daughter. At best he's incredibly irresponsible with his money. At worst he has some sort of addiction (often the cause of mysterious loss of funds) and is setting a horrible example for your kid. Either way, he needs to get his act together, and a free room and board isn't the way to do it.
MN huh? Thought I was the only one...
When told OSU set school record for 50+ games this year, UFM said "That's good. We're gonna break that next year."
What Would Urban Do is the right call. Boot him. He will end up in subsidized housing and be leeching off the taxpayers in general instead of just you.
Who cares if this thread is not football related its entertaining.
Sounds like he has a gambling addiction? You guys have been way to nice and it may be time to kick him to the curb or keep letting him take advantage of your kindness. I've had close friends with gambling addictions and they would steal,lie and cheat to cover-up/feed the addiction. Got to be tough!
Kick him out, or become a guardian or power of attorney and take control of his finances.
As far as posting in this forum, it's really not that big of a deal folks.
-The Aristocrats!
bro he cant ask your kids for money. i woulda made him feel like shit for even thinking about asking an 8 yr old for money then told him he better leave before you make him.
mark may wins douchebag of the year... again
Something else that occured to me, & follows in line w/ Sir Rick... you sure dont want your children to think this is appropriate behavior. If nothing else, protect yoru kids man.
Wait....you said TWO YEARS? I love my in-laws to death but sometimes I wanna kick even my OWN folks outta the house after one weekend!!! Let alone my in-laws.
"I'm One Bad Buckeye, and I approve this message."
Any guest that comes into your house and takes advantage of your children needs to be shown the door. Full stop, GTFO.
Kevin
OH!!!!!
Proud parent of a Senior at The Ohio State University
Advice: get your personal problems out of the football forum.
I feel your pain my man. It is not wrong and your wife needs to understand that you're not helping him at all. I havea similar situation with a brother-in-law but he's hooked on drugs. He lives rent free in a House(not mine thank god!) owned by my mother in law. His father pays for his bills, for his food(which he sells for drugs) and lets all this insanity go on because he thinks he helping. Talk about co-dependency.
You need to let it be known to your wife that it is not acceptable to enable whatever activity he's doing,cause it won't help anything, not him and certainly not your family. He's taking advantage of your generosity. And when it involves your kids? That is the last straw- you gotta go buddy! And your wife should feel the same. Good luck man, not an easy situation, believe me I know...
Go bucks!!!
I knew I could count on Urbz' relentless criticism to supplement my own.
[MOD: You made your point and continue to go on about it. The guy apologized. Move along.]
Like most of you, I came to 11w to get my fill of Buckeye-related news. However, I've stayed not only for the great content 11w provides us, but for the sense of community and friendliness I feel amongst the commentariat.
MNBUCKEYE must feel the same way, seeing as he was willing to share personal details of a difficult situation he is stuck in. He's asking fellow Buckeye fans for some advice and we're more concerned with the fact that it's not football related? We only care about sports news and nothing else matters? C'mon guys and gals, there's more to life than football news.
You're right, and theres a specifically labeled section for that non-football banter
I think your golden if your wife is on your side. If she can stomach kicking her father out, then I would back her up on it.
~Because we couldn't go for three~
Exactly Buck-I.8. I too fail to see where this relates to football.
Maybe every morning I should ask the football program what color of gym shorts to wear. Seems legit.
Correct BUCK-I.8, but the guy makes an honest mistake and we're going to get on his case for it? Posting something under an incorrect forum topic is truly a minor inconvenience. If I'm not mistaken, the 15 forum posts that were commented on the most recently are displayed on the homepage regardless of their forum topics. After clicking on this post from there, I honestly didn't even notice it had been posted under "FOOTBALL" because the gray label in the banner is so small. If you used the Forums homepage and clicked on Football, sure you would notice this post didn't belong there, but so what? Again, a minor inconvenience for you... a mole hill compared to the mountain that MNBUCKEYE is dealing with.
@Urbz...let me know what color they say? My bet is on scarlet or gray though. btw...can I get Coach's number too?
@Buck I-8 and [ED: Don't be a Jerk.]
You guys need to relax. It's annoying having to read you guys correct ppl on every post. Know one cares if its a inconvenience for you guys to have a non football issue posted on this forum. Get over yourselves and be for real...No one likes an asshole.
I wasn't getting on him, I made my typical daily snide remark, dropped it, and then only picked it up when other people fanned the flames. It was pretty much an aside before you guys picked it up, and now look at it. Suddenly an issue.
Also, Remington, I would think by now you would cease to be naive enough to think that I cared i you or anyone else liked me.
i.8 = 19 year old
Just let him do his thing, don't stoke the fire because it is useless.
Guess what? I'm 19. So what? Age means nothing. Seriously.
Screw off, sorry I'm not sorry. I see no one being childish on this thread except Remington and his elementary remark on my name. Yep, they just fan the flames, we both dropped it, but you butthurt "adults" jump all over it. I don't know where I insulted anyone, they just jump to elementary and churlish personal attacks. Gtfo.
Too much sensitivity around here, as always. I really see nothing wrong with what I.8 and I posted. If you guys are too sensitive to handle it, maybe you should get off the internet.
It's really not that hard to keep football in the football forum and everything else in the forums they belong in. I may be young, but at least I can read and follow the structure of the damn forum.
I don't read and post on Elevenwarriors to see your personal problems. Take them somewhere where people care.
Also, the most pathetic part about this thread is that the OP has already resolved his matter and is just seeking the validation of strangers. There is no point to this thread, just like there's no point to any personal attacks you guys will you because I've voiced my opinion. Opinion's/corrections =/= personal attacks. Get over yourselves.
People are way too sensitive on this forum.
MNBuck: Get the father-in-law out. He seems like a terrible influence on the family.
"Attack the Strong, Trample the Weak, Hurdle the Dead!"
-Former OSU S&C Coach Lichter
Here's some sites to help you sensitive guys to get used to content on the internet; take notice that the content displayed is also correctly organized/posted:
[Ed: Really?]
That should be enough. Have a good day ya'll, back to things that actually matter. Gotta have thick skin when you people are personally attack you. Arguing is dumb.
Do I like, get drunk and tell everyone my age on here or something? The fact that you all know this is seriously creepy.
Secondly, to the age point, which holds zero merit, may I throw my friend Remington under the bus by bringing this back: http://www.elevenwarriors.com/forum/football/2012/06/o-state-recruiting
Carry on with the shameless self-validation.
Or better yet, mods, delete this entire thread, because it really has shown a disgusting regression.
BUCK-I-8 will you please zip it? I seem to remember you making a thread "Insider Information" and it didnt include a damn thing. How exactly is that football related? I dont have a problem with this forum, in fact I welcome it right now cuz the last few days there hasnt been anything whatsoever to click on. hardly any new content.
As far as the question goes, i would need even more details. He sounds like a compulsive liar/gambler and or an alcoholic but I dont know the man so I cant really give an opinion sorry. Give him that deadline and see if he improves, if he's making progress then let him stay, if he's not... boot him out like 11W should do with Buck-I*H8
Shady: as far as I.8's "Insider Info" thread goes, it was a joke, meant to make fun of Drew's "Insider Info" thread.
"Attack the Strong, Trample the Weak, Hurdle the Dead!"
-Former OSU S&C Coach Lichter
@703 Thanks, man, but as we've all seen, Shady wants to be my boyfriend and will literally try to insult me in whatever way possible to try to get attention, so don't read too far into it. There's guys like Remington and BuckinBama who I've disagreed with on a few occasions before and have reasonable backing to their dislike of me, but this kid is on a different level.
wow, what would Urban do?
not happy with where the fans are at this point and they have alot of work to do before football season gets here... we're all on the same team here so lets start acting like we are
Oh, and one more thing... take the soc sec checks from the father inlaw and then let him barrow as much as he wants up to that amount.
GO BUCKS
O H I O is the Buckeye State
WOW guys. First of all, who really reads the non football related stuff. You guys go right to football conversations. He went where he thought he would get what he needs, an answer that he already knows. Let him get his feedback. At least the title told you what the post was about. It can easily be ignored if you don't want to read it. I ignore "2 miami of ohio tickets wanted" because I don't have any or know anyone who does, and "could Tyquan Lewis announce soon" when the answer was given many times by Alex in other posts. Doesn't mean they can't ask the question. Again, this post was open with what it was asking. Anyone who is not interested could have ignored it.
MNBUCKEYE, you might want to show this feed to either your wife or father in law, whomever you think will take it possitively. There is alot of answers on here that are pretty much saying the same thing, its time to be tough.
uhhhhhh..........How about those buckeyes in London? go buckeyes!
Bucki-8 and urbzrenewel.......criticizing a fellow human for a simple mistake comes across as unfriendly.
I've proved time and time again that I'm not always friendly. In this case, I made my sarcastic contribution, and other people made it an issue. I'll apologize, but on the behalf of all involved, not just myself.
But thank you for being respectful in your sentiment, I do appreciate that.
Pound him till he has blood and/or bones in his stool!!! Then throw (literally throw) him out!
Wherever you are, there you be!
Holy shit I should have read the replies before I left mine! This one is a train wreck! Its a soap opera on football testosterone! Keep it going I'm getting popcorn! Hope it last to kickoff!
Wherever you are, there you be!
How I remember whan I was 19 and immature,stupid and didn't know what I was talking about. Now I'm 40 and I look back at that 19 year old and want to kick his ass. AGE MATTERS @URBZRENEWAL! Stop sounding like a fool and give the kid that wrote this post a break. I read numerous post about sports on this site that are stupid and pointless so when a guy asks a honest question and wants some advice I'll listen.
URBZRENEWAL ---- lighten up, man ... you're too bitter
"You win with people." - Woody Hayes
Damn, when did this turn into such a bitchfest? Who cares if MNBuckeye posted this? If you don't care for the topic, don't comment? Why is that so hard to do?
^ agreed, William. I don't know why people come on here with negative comments like they're the end-all/be-all & whatever they say is the final word. And, then the stupid comments like: "maybe you should get off the internet", etc.. If you don't like what the orginal poster posted, it's simple: don't comment on it.
"You win with people." - Woody Hayes
Ppl, stop making issues out of nothing. The OP of this apologized in COMMENT #2. Coming back to continue to post about something that you don't have to read if you don't want to is ridiculous. Calling people names, fanning flames and arguing about age/intelligence is just as bad.
Have some respect for the fellow posters on this site. There is absolutely no need for some of the comments I have seen in the past few days.
UrbzRenewal, enjoy your one week in the penalty box. Posting a link to /b? Here's what not to post, straight from our commenting policy:
I wish I could forward you the email from the father whose 14 year-old stumbled upon your links and saw god knows what.
Everyone else: WHY DO YOU HATE EACH OTHER SO MUCH? We're all Buckeye fans, right?
Thank you Jason.
-The Aristocrats!
It's absolutely sickening to watch this topic devolve the way it did. Urbz and I.8 should be ashamed.
The guy came here to a place he felt comfortable enough to ask for help with a very personal matter and ends up getting shit on by you two for nothing more than a minor posting mistake. This is unreal. There is no excuse to be that critical, rude, and all around jerk-like.
I have had it with bitter immature users making every topic their personal playground for jerk-like BS KNOCK IT OFF.
I know there's a game saturday, and my ass will be there.
Thanks Jason. As a sports site gets more registered users it gets more this way. It is an unfortunate natural progression. Sadly it takes intervention by adults who have better things to do to put things right. But things don't stay right for long - some people never learn and there are always new assholes waiting in the wings.
^ this.
19 year olds aren't going to understand what the others were getting at by mentioning a correlation between their comments and age. Some things just take time.
Of course, at Mgoblog, 90% of topics, the first reply is a comment about some sort of error the poster made.
Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler
Starting to sound like that Hail. I understand errors of omission or inaccurate info, but spelling errors and attacking comments should take a break. As Jason posted before, kids are on this site. Little kids like my 11 yr old nephew sometimes. Argue but have some decorum.
Buckeye Eddie gets it.
If he is affecting your marrige, your children and your mental health, kick him out.
Signed, Dear Abby
"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)
At what point does helping someone become enabling? Boot him out.If he has money to gamble,then he has money to support himself.
no offense dude..but if you have to ask a bunch of complete strangers on the internet what decision to make in a situation like that..you need to figure somethin out..
Well i like college and i like football...and im gunna keep doin em both cause they make me feel good!!!
For all you TL;DR's, just letting you know to skip this.
MNBuckeye, this must be tearing your wife apart, and it kills you to see what is going on. It must be very hard for her to come to the point to give him a deadline. She is probably hoping that Dad will get his act together, but it doesnt sound like he will, I agree with others, probably substance abuse/gambling issues here. On top of it your FIL is sucking your daughter into it. Would not be surprised if he has told her not to tell anyone, this is "their little secret". He is a cancer. MIL takes some blame here also-this is THEIR problem, for her to be ok with you and your wife having to deal with it is just plain wrong. He is an adult. Screw trying to manage his bills for him. He needs to go. NOW. October 1st is too long, he will not change. He has abused your hospitality, hurt, lied to and manipulated all of you, and put a strain on your marriage and family. If (Hell, WHEN) he comes back with something like, "I have no place to go, what will I do..." your answer could be that you are sure that he can figure it out, but not in your home. He will try and manipulate your wife and daughter to feel sorry for him. I might suggest ALANON- I know it has been a godsend for a friend of mine who was in a similar situation with a now ex-husband (alcohol and other issues) who tried to manipulate their children when she finally felt strong enough to kick the SOB out. Your wife will probably feel terribly guilty, but it can be done. It really sucks that he has put you in this terrible position.
For you others who wonder why he is asking on the internet, he may be too embarrassed to talk about it to his friends. There are some really good commenters here at 11w, perhaps he thought they might have some ideas/give him moral support. Have a little empathy for him.