Eleven Warriors

Recent reports out of Columbus have confirmed that Urban Meyer has offered a scholarship to Tim Tebow's firstborn child. While Meyer completely understands that Tebow has to get married first, and then actually have the child, he wanted to make sure that he "locked down the state of Tim Tebow" before Brady Hoke or Nick Saban got in there. Tebow has confirmed that the only music that his wife will be allowed to listen to during the potential pregnancy will be tOSU marching band tunes in order to ensure "proper fetal development". Elevenwarriors.com own Alex Gleitman has been granted exclusive rights to interveiw the baby, once delivered (at The OSU Medical Center). Wisconsin's increasingly irritating head football coach, Bret Bielema, was quoted as saying "it's not fair - there's a gentlemens agreement in the BIG that we will not try to flip the firstborn from anyone, and I thought Tebow promised me his firstborn". Barry Alvarez, Wisconsin's increasingly rational AD, later contradicted Bielma's statement by saying that "no such gentlemens agreement exists as concerning firstborns - its open season". However, late yesterday it was revealed that MSU head coach Mark Dantonio and former tOSU coaching great Jim Tressel once had a gentlemens agreement between them regarding firstborns - although they also had a gentlemens agreement not to implement that gentlemens agreement. College football coaches all over the country are now trying to (once again) catch up with Meyer's relentless efforts on the firstborn recruiting trail. Ann Arbor Community College (that school up North formerly known as *ichigan) has been rumored to be starting an in-vitro 5 star recruit football player program. Former AACC "great" Jim Harbaugh has offered to be the first donor of his "genetic material", however no female donors were willing to allow their genetic material to be joined with Harbaugh's - "not even in a laboratory test tube" as one former woman's pro beach volleyball player was quoted. Alabama head coach Nick Saban still appears on the fence regarding the recruitment of firstborns as he hasn't yet quite figured out how to oversign them.