1. Brady Hoke - Ready and available, Hoke's style of non coaching will fit in well with the Illinois style of non-winning. Hoke can ho-hom fee-fi-fo-fum his way to a 6 win season and be heralded as Champaign's pride and savior. Where is the closest Chick-fil-a?

2. Steve Sarkisan - As far as I know liquor is still allowed in the locker room at Illinois . Steve can continue boozing and escape persecution in Los Angeles. The party goes on.

3. Meek Mill - Mill is eager to avenge the L he's been taking the past few months, and his charged up energy could help revive Illinois.

4. Tywin Lannister - A war hero and disciplined leader, his only challenge will be recruiting the North.

5. Denzel Washington - Proved he could motivate a team by leading T.C. Williams to multiple state titles.