Eleven Warriors

Dear ****igan,

(F word) you, you (F word)in (F word)s.  You good for nothing, waste of carbon pieces of (S word).

First, you show up wearing those god awful, super dehydrated, all weekend bender electric urine jerseys.  Ugh, I actually watched that entire (S word)show you called a senior night.  I think you owe me new yellow pixels for my tv, because your nasty (A word) jerseys burnt my (S word) up.

Make a few (F word)in free throws and hang a banner.  Heck, we get to hang one too.  Our (F word)in fourth straight.  But no, you choke job (B word)s gagged on the opportunity.  Jordan Morgan, you suck. POINT (F WORD)IN BLANK.  Tyler Zeller made your entire team his (B word).

For everyone who would rather have Trey Burke than Craft or Scott, now you get to "Shut the (F word) up."  There, I said it.  Burke is a volume scorer and judging by the way he and his teammates tend to shrivel up when the lights get bright, not much of a leader.  Craft and Scott have constantly improved, are incredible on ball defenders, and great "team first" players.  I"m not knocking anyone personally, but (F word) you Burke and all the illegitimate NBA sons you got with you. 

Oh yeah, Indiana (F word) you too.  Grow up and wear some (insert deity)(D word) normal pants.  Tom Crean, you are a tool.  Your head looks like an (A word).  Grow up and part your hair like a (F word)in man.  If you can still remember where the trophy case is, make sure you put that B1G trophy right in the middle.  Make sure you hang those nets around it like a pretty little necklace.  Then, every time you look at the physical representation of your glorious accomplishment, remember that The Ohio State Buckeyes torched your (A word) the last time those nets were ever used.  That little "party" you guys threw was really cool.  I always like celebrating my accomplishments after I fail miserably.

My father was ecstatic when Burke flailed to the ground, and Morgan pretended to be Amir and the stink weasels everywhere were heartbroken.  I, on the other hand, was really (PO'ed) thinking only about our lost streak of titles.  My father, a true role model, looked at me and said, "Son, (F word) Michigan. No matter what." 

So, I can only hope those (B word)es up north don't lose to Penn State again.  I hope they make it all the way to the finals. The only justice would be for the Buckeyes to be the team to deny tSUN a conference tournament trophy, since they decided to choke away our share of the regular season one.