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A Weekend Saga - The Tale of the Lost Keys

+5 HS
Hovenaut's picture
July 25, 2016 at 9:39am
85 Comments

*Based on true events*

Settling in, begrudgingly, to another week at the grind. A little shorthanded this week, but not expecting too much chaos to end the month. Diving right into the workload, as you can tell. 

Offseason weekends aren't usually much to write 11W about - we deal the loss of our Buckeyes while we recover from the Christmas season, prepare taxes, start tending the lawns, resign to our offspring home for the summer, holiday breaks, and so on. We get a spring game reprieve in April, and turn into recruiting zealots, all to keep our best finger on the Ohio State pulse until we can reach September.

So it's been offseason as usual for yours truly, outside of the Mrs' health issues (we're nearing the finish line of treatment, she's right where she needs to be) it's been a relatively uneventful few months.

I'm a creature of habit, well versed at operating in organized chaos. The methods of my madness were put to the test from late February through mid-April, where the Mrs was hospitalized and spent a few weeks in recovery with my in-laws. I've always been a very hands on father and husband, but had to step up my game this year.

So to my weekend - biggest event was my niece's sixth birthday party at my sister-in-law's house Saturday afternoon. Just my wife's family getting together, some bbq and beer. Kicked off things Friday getting my niece a birthday present and then dinner with the Mrs and the lad. Caught up on some FNL here on the site, got some rest and woke up early Saturday to knock out a couple of errands. It's been routine for me the past few months.

Hit the ground running Saturday morning - finishing up our laundry, then had to get an emissions test and fuel for the car. Out and home by 8 a.m. Wrapped up the last load of wash before the lad came downstairs by 8:30 or so, he helped me finish folding and we trek upstairs for breakfast. The Mrs was up by 9:30, and we slowly started getting ready for the birthday party - my sister in law lives about a half hour away, and we had to wrap our niece's present and get a bag packed for the boy (swim trunks, towel), with an estimated time of departure around noon.

By 10ish we're done with breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, turn to cleaning ourselves up for the afternoon. Mental checklist clicks in, and my thoughts turn to my keys.

I don't know where they are, as in I have no blasted idea where I put them. Great to see you, dumbass version of myself...impeccable timing as always.

So let's go back to that creature of habit thing. I'm not tedious, particular, nor overly detail-oriented (which I suppose is a nice way of saying I'm not anal-retentive). But I try to live systematically, with high output demands both personally and professionally. 

But I rush sometimes - and I've lost sunglasses to the cause. A few ATM/credit cards have met their untimely demise. I'm mentally contracted to only place my phone, wallet, and keys in select designated areas. I've disciplined myself accordingly over time, and until Saturday had gone months (perhaps over a year) without incident.

But all that came crashing down Saturday morning. My personal keys (car, home, safe, toolbox, shed) decided to walk. That feeling of realization sets in - you know what I'm talking about. Where you have no idea what happened, and you cannot remember what/where/when/how/f'n why! you did.

Turned the downstairs upside down - the foyer, where our coat rack/bench/shelf unit is adorned with my wallet, backpack, other keys, sits, turned up nothing. Checked our utility room - the washer, the dryer...nothing. Searched the downstairs office/toy lair/man cave...fruitless. Back to the main level and the kitchen - nothing in the sink/refrigerator/cereal boxes/dishracks. Up another level to the bedrooms...nothing in the clean laundry stored away.

Went from rage to defeated resignment, and onto the birthday party. Had a good time, but the nagging thought remained. Got home late and went to bed. 

Awoke yesterday ready to move on. A preliminary investigation of replacement keys for the car (FOB set) would run over $300 easy. Then that doesn't include another $100 or so for the remaining keys I'd have to replace. Ensuing discussion with the Mrs wasn't pleasant - she was insistent on me NOT spending that money. The keys would have to turn up - they had to be in the house, I couldn't have made it home Saturday morning otherwise.

Didn't want to be bothered another day (I was mentally moving on), and told her I would wait and not rush into any purchases - with her still at home it wouldn't be a necessity at this point. I wanted to try and have a nice end to the weekend, grabbing some breakfast before running our usual Sunday errands (groceries and a quick trip to Lowes).

Again get ourselves together, I get myself and the boy ready to roll. The Mrs takes a little more time, no problem. I sit at the kitchen table perusing some 11W reads, trying in earnest to let go of the fact that my absent mindedness was going to (again) cost me (literally, figuratively).

As I lose my self in premium content (a bit of solace), I hear my wife declare from above..."I found your keys". Not a condescending tone, more akin to winning a major cash prize it felt.

They sat in a small set of clothes (couple of shirts and shorts) that I had forgotten were in the round of laundry I had done. Completely overlooked, and then some, as I thought the only wash I had were for the boy and myself. Shook my damn head, then reaffirmed my undying allegiance to my spouse...the counter to my infrequent fits of dumbassness. Because I rushed. Because I didn't pause to respect the established procedures. Because I didn't pay attention. Lesson refreshed, and hopefully doesn't become overlooked again anytime soon.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. And I trust you've been in a similar spot - you've lost something with no recollection whatsoever, you've become trapped in that moment of utter hopelessness. If you're married, you may empathize with my plight...and revel in similar outcomes. If you're not, and need a reason why to get married, here you go.

Just don't commit on a fall Saturday.

Morale of the saga? Slow down. Don't multi-task when doing laundry. Reaffirm wedding vows when spouse saves your butt. Let's close this offseason out, stay cool.

This is a forum post from a site member. It does not represent the views of Eleven Warriors unless otherwise noted.

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