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Buckeye Lake Is South Park: A Parody Update

Matt Gutridge's picture
January 30, 2016 at 8:32am
36 Comments
The Copper Penny
The Copper Penny, like many lakefront businesses, is suffering without water in the lake.

BACKGROUND

The water in Buckeye Lake was lowered last year to enable the state of Ohio to update and correct an earthen dam that is weakened due to houses that were built on and into it. The issue has been known for years and should have been addressed decades ago. One reason, a major reason, it wasn't fixed in the past is because of the residents of the Village of Buckeye Lake.

We'll blast thousands of pounds of dynamite for 15 straight minutes at 7:00 in the morning.– Village Officials

For years they have fought the needed restructuring because they didn't want to lose their lakefront property. Instead of having the water 15 feet from their backdoor it would now be 45 feet. The selfishness and incompetence from residents of the Village of Buckeye Lake is now hurting all of the towns and residents that live around the lake: Fairfield Beach, Harbor Hills, Hebron, Heron Bay, Millersport and Thornville.

All of the towns around the lake depend on summer activities to bring money to the region. Without the water many businesses suffered or closed. Recently at a town meeting residents of the Village of Buckeye Lake came up with this grand plan to kick-start the economy.

Residents of South Park will play the parts of the fine folks of Buckeye Lake in this parody explaining why I am sharing this with you at 7:00 in the morning.

Idiots

Town Hall of South Park Buckeye Lake

Randy Marsh: Mayor, as you know the town has been in financial trouble ever since the water in the lake was lowered. Uncle Jim Bob and I have come up with an ingenious way to stimulate the economy.

Uncle Jim Bob: Randy and I think we should hold a Winter Celebration. It will draw people from all around to South Park Buckeye Lake and help our local bars and restaurants.

Mayor: Sounds like a good idea. When should we hold this Winter Celebration?

RM: Good question Mayor. Uncle Jim Bob and I already have it planned for the last Saturday in January. However, we're going to do this with a twist. Instead of having the festivities start in the evening we're going to get started at 7:00 in the morning. That way people will have the entire day to drink at the bars and bring money to our town.

UJB: To make sure everybody knows that the celebration is starting we will set off fireworks at 7:00 in the morning. Not just fireworks, but the loud dynamite. We'll blast thousands of pounds of dynamite for 15 straight minutes at 7:00 in the morning. That way everybody in a 10-mile radius of the Village of South Park Buckeye Lake will wake up and come drink with us.

Mayor: Sounds like a great plan boys. Let's do this.


Thanks to the Village of Buckeye Lake for taking away the one day of the week I can sleep-in by blasting thousands of rounds of dynamite at 7:00 in the morning. If I watched this on South Park it would be funny. Unfortunately I'm too tired to laugh. Ass-wipes.

TOO LONG/DIDN'T READ

I had to vent because the Village of Buckeye Lake blasted dynamite at 7:00 in the morning for 15 minutes to get people to wake up and go drink in their town.

Winter Fest
Scene from today's Winter Fest. "Let's blast dynamite at dawn then go drink."

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