10 Steven Wright quotes to make you smile...

-“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.” 
-“If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.” 
-“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”
-“What's another word for thesaurus?” 
-“Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”
-“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
-“I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it.” 
-“The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?” 
-“Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?”
-“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”