Anything Else Forum

Anything Else Forum

Offtopicland. This still isn't the place to discuss politics, religion, or hot-button social issues, however.

Cutting costs at your current place of employment

MordenoftheSith's picture
July 21, 2014 at 9:25am
27 Comments

Recently we had a skip level meeting at work.  For those of you unaware, that is where you have a meeting with your boss's boss.  He asked us to help him come up with ideas to cut costs, since we are an expense center and those are the first areas asked to reduce spending.

I came with a plan for this, in the only way I know how!

If you guessed "fire people", you guessed wrong.

Take the 4-6 lowest rated job performers (in a manner approved by your HR) and put them into an octagon for a Battle Royale to the death. 

The winner keeps their job. 

The losers jobs are eliminated with them.

Rules:

  • No weapons until the first blood drop hits the mat
    • No projectiles
    • No stabbing weapons; only slicing, gouging, or blunt weapons
    • A new weapon is added at 5 minute intervals, thereafter
  • No "volunteers" are permitted
  • Ticket sales proceeds and PPV proceeds go into a pot for future raises for the remaining employees in the department or Line of Business
Oyster's picture

You need one more rule.  No using The Force.

+3 HS
MordenoftheSith's picture

The Force is permitted for those who can use it. 

Let's face it, Forcewielders can use mind tricks to keep themselves off the naughty list.

Rule proposal rejected.

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

+2 HS
Oyster's picture

Still upset that the Falcon has DirecTV I see...

+2 HS
I_Run_The_Dave's picture

But does it have a working hyperdrive?  At least the LEGO movie explained why it never worked.

GoBucks713's picture

I'm seriously considering not working for a long time just so I can be put into a death match situation with your pal with Murder Eyes that sits across from you Morden. That way I never have to worry about him talking to me at the urinal again.

-The Aristocrats!

Oyster's picture

I absolutely hate it when that happens.

+1 HS
YTOWNBUCKI's picture

"No touching of the hair or face...AND THAT"S IT!"

+6 HS
jeremytwoface's picture

I would love to beat the hell out of some of the people I work with......

Did I just say that out loud?

The first man gets the ((((Oyster)))), the second man gets the shell.

Oyster's picture

Perhaps you should invite Morden to pitch his idea to your boss?

J.Mo's picture

Here's a lame one my former employer did,

Got rid of cups at the water cooler. If you wanted a cup of water, well bring a cup from home. And if you had a visitor who wanted water... tell him to go the store across the street and buy a cup.

703Buckeye's picture

"Attack the Strong, Trample the Weak, Hurdle the Dead!"
-Former OSU S&C Coach Lichter

Earle's picture

So, Morden, I can't help thinking that you may have the opportunity to offer cost-cutting ideas to your next employer soon.

Just say no to italics abuse.

MordenoftheSith's picture

If you mean my idea is so revolutionary that other employers will want me to come in and help them, then yes, I agree.

If you think, for a moment, I'd give them this brilliant idea if I were in any danger of being in the octagon, you are severely mistaken.

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

Earle's picture

The Sith are a humorless bunch.

Just say no to italics abuse.

MordenoftheSith's picture

Very true... we don't have time for humour.

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

Oyster's picture

I'm still trying to figure out why you made a rule that prevents you from using your light sabre?  It would seem as though you didn't think that one out very well.

MordenoftheSith's picture

Because I will never be involved, only a spectator.  I'm only interested in watching others maim and get maimed, I don't want to risk any sort of damage to me.

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

Earle's picture

I think it's obvious to see why your employer thinks you're a keeper.

Just say no to italics abuse.

Oyster's picture

Based on your aversion to violence, I'm guessing you are still in the Padawan stage of your training?

MordenoftheSith's picture

I'm not Vader, I'm more of a Palpatine.  I prefer my real limbs...

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

GoBucks713's picture

This conversation is why the female population is in the tens on this website.

-The Aristocrats!

+2 HS
jeremytwoface's picture

It's in the tens now???? Wow!!

The first man gets the ((((Oyster)))), the second man gets the shell.

+2 HS
GoBucks713's picture

I think the website review two years ago came out and said that the female population was around 5% of users at that time. I never saw the results from the last review just before the update.

-The Aristocrats!

apack614's picture

"If we worked half as hard as our band, we'd be champions." - Woody Hayes

Buck Commander's picture

HUH.....WTF.....HUH.   !!!!!!!!

Every time I set my DVR to record Biggest Loser......It always records Wolverine Football Games!

BierStube's picture

Did posting comments on 11w's come up at your skip level meeting?

Signed your Boss's Boss!

"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

+1 HS
Rocket Man's picture

My boss just gave us a kinder and gentler approach -- no death match, but no more OT is allowed.  And if we have to work late some days, we just work flex hours . . . so I'm planning on flexing into a few Fridays off.  Take that, Sith Lords.

". . . It's because I don't buy one @*$%# drop of gas in the state of _ichigan! We'll coast and PUSH this @*$%# car to the Ohio line before I give this state a nickel of _y _oney!"