PHONE'S RINGING -- IT'S URBAN ON THE LINE
A friend of mine sent me this which gave me a pretty good laugh.
Who has a good punch line?
Crickets...that's all I hear..
Thanks for the contribution.
If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. ~ Bruce Lee
They leave without paying their tab, and the bartender bans Urban for life.
****igan smells like old water that hot dogs were boiled in. FACT
And they still make more money than I will make in my lifetime.
What's the difference between Michigan and a bucket of shit?
Hey now, Michigan doesn't have the market cornered on that...
Brady Hoke walked into a buffet....
Brady Hoke walked out of a buffet ...
Brady Hoke conquered said buffet.
"Success - it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes
Then Brady Hoke walked back into the buffet and this sign was posted...
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later." ~ Mitch Hedberg
And the manager said "oh shit!"
Class of 2010.
What concert only costs 45 cents to go to?
50 cent with nickelback
And the bartender says,
Actually heard this last night....from *gasp* my wife.
Oh I missed the original post. Didn't mean to try to steal House's thunder.
No worries Stu....apparently this is picking up steam.
Michigan that is all
Q. Anybody know where Engagement, Ohio is?
A. Somewhere between Dayton, and Marion.
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left... So they started crying and headed home.
Golf clap....very good, very good.
"I'm One Bad Buckeye, and I approve this message."
took me a while, but very nice!
Can't figure this one out - give me a clue....
Say it out loud.
Ahh - said it back to myself and listened to my "Ohio twang" - got it. Thanks!
Datin' and Marryin'
What is yellow and blue and has wings on its head?
Who gives a flying fuck?
...ESPN lead story for a week.
Johnny Football is a nice, upstanding role model
"Because I couldn't go for 3"
They are not found in Jay Leno's monolouge.
~Because we couldn't go for three~
Nobody knows what happened next. Hernandez killed all the witnesses and destroyed all the surveillance tapes. The only thing we know for certain is that Urban Meyer is to blame.
I too have examined the evidence.....I concur, this is the only logical conclusion that can be drawn.
A giraffe and a lion walk into a bar, the giraffe lays on the floor. The bartender asks, "What's that lyin' there?" The lion says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
What about innocent until proven guilty? Tebow has always maintained that it was Sanchez that was killing all of the Jet's fans.
What kind of karma sends the preacher to the murderer's team? (Alleged) Urban works in mysterious ways.
Re: the bar, tell the racist to call a cab to send Manziel home, after, he gets a couple autographs. Are you serious, Manziel is paying the bar tab with autographs?
How much do you think a Heisman trophy will go for on ebay?
Rumor in College Station: Manziel has been out pricing the cost of adding a beer can to the free hand of his Heisman. Untackleable?
MY BUTT'S SO BIG, I SPLIT MY PJ BOTTOMS
I penned this a while back. Here are the lyrics:
Go Bucks...Michigan Sucks!!!
The time is drawin` near...grab a dog and a beer
There`s gonna be a party at the shoe
Buckeye fans all know… that this team is gonna roll
And this place is gonna rock.. when they do
Yea..we got Urban Meyer…and he`s settin` the bar higher
To him…just bein` good aint good enough
Cuz The Ohio State…won`t settle for nothing` less than great
And till we climb that hill we won`t let up……
Go Bucks….Michigan sucks!!
Go ahead and stick a fork…in that sorry team up north
Lord knows if they`ll ever win again
As for all of the rest…we`ll stomp on them like pests
Runnin` rough shod over the Big Ten
Then look out S.E.C. …a reckoning there`ll be
Your time has come and now you`re out of luck
And you will rue the day…that you met scarlet and gray
A roundhouse punch is comin`…you can`t duck
Go Bucks….Michigan sucks!!
Go Bucks….Michigan sucks!!
© R.S. MARSHALL
Question: Why was Jesus not born in Ann Arbor?
Answer: They could not find a virgin and three wisemen!
"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai
Luv the Regular Show up vote for you!
So two canibals are eating a clown and one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
4-6 seconds from point A to point B and when you get to point B, be pissed off
I heard a good joke this morning...here it is.
Some people think we’re the hunted.I don’t feel that way at all.We’re the hunter.Everybody wants an angry football team.Everybody wants a team on edge and a hungry team.If you’re a hunter,that usually equates to being hungry.
Do blonde jokes count?
While Ohio State's players hurdled the brick walls of Michigan Stadium in their throwback uniforms to celebrate with Buckeye fans, Michigan tailback Michael Shaw sobbed uncontrollably while walking off the field. - Grand Rapid Press (21-10 OSU)<
Mark May is an outstanding human being.
Whenever Ryan Damn Shazier laughs, so do I...
A couple are having their third child. When the baby comes out the man looks at his son, then right at his wife. "We have two beautiful daughters at home, and this is the ugliest child i have ever seen", "I cant believe you cheated on me!" She replies "Not this time".
what is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero and the other is a simple command
O-H-I-O for life
What do you call it when Batman leaves Church early?
A: Christian Bale
What do you call a cow that masturbates?
Battles are sometimes won by generals; wars are nearly always won by sergeants and privates. Football is no different, the guys down in the trenches win the games, not the coach.
How many batteries does it take to beat That Team Up North?
so this? bwhahahahaha
Question: Why is Ohio so windy?
Answer: M*chigan blows/ sucks ( both acceptable answers).
Try the veal, I will be here all week!
My best friend got bit by a rattlesnake. If I knew the difference between antidote and anecdote, he'd probably still be alive today. The importance of a dictionary in a life and death situation cannot be underestimated.
An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches
But if you went for the antidote, you wouldn't have that interesting anecdote to share with us.
what do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
“Nothing that comes easy in this world is worth a damn.” -Woody Hayes
What's red and smells like blue paint?
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Scarlet and Gray, Every Day.
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