Bret vs. Urban: The Aftermath

ziplock007's picture
February 5, 2012 at 4:23a
8 Comments

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/headlinin-bret-bielema-takes-anti-urban-crusade-higher-125223138.html

No need to read the story, here's a recap.

The B1G coaches were snacking at TGIFridays as they reminisced on the coaches of yesteryore.  Tressel and Carr and Tiller and that loveable Zooker. And a big sigh for JoePa.  Then a man from parts unwanted moseyed in unpreterbed by the stroll through memory lane.  He took a seat in solitude, it was time to celebrate two months of hard work.  But there was man who didn't take too kindly.

"I say, I say, that there was my recruit!" Uttered Bret as beads of sweat formed on his angry brow.  Urban just sat there, said not a word.  He didn't fear what was foaming at the mouth.  This was the same brave soul that once recruited toe to toe with savage beasts as Sir Bulldog, The Displaced Northerner, & Senor Fun & Gun.   He chewed up The Hog, and, rumor has it, emerged unscathed from the mortiferous Sabanacolypse.

Maybe it wasn't losing the recruit that sparked Bret's ire, but the feeling of hopelessness.  Jealousy was the culprit.  You see, Bret's conference had only two titles in 43 years while Urban came from a land that wins each and every one.  Both hands of Urban were anchored down by a massive championship ring.  They were a melodic symphony of precious metals that made the B1G coaches feel somewhat less.  Many shied away, but not Bret.

By now the decibels were increasing, "I say hey you, them there was my recruit!" The shriek was deafening to the ears.  The bartender ducked for cover.  Urban smirked, just a smirk.

Bret hoisted a barstool, it had no weight in his angry hand.  "Urban, I say you give him back or..."  Bret stumbled for words, before dADdy Alverez came in between.  Bret's pride was now replaced by hubris as there was nothing he could do.  The recruit was gone and never coming back.  Urban was being Urban, nothing more.

The B1G's good ol' days are decaying; the antidote...  May I present the new sheriff in town, Urban Meyer.  In his two month tenure he constructed a highway; if the whimpering continues, that's exactly where you can go.  This man gets it, as for the other 10 souls... it may be time to take the offramp.

And, if Bret thought this recruiting season was brutal, wait until next year when the sheriff has 6 times as many bowless months to woo the five star prizes.

OSU and their one true rivalrly will live happily ever after.  Everyone else, enjoy being fodder.

(ps, if you like this, forward it to a friend... this cost me an hour of sleep :) )


Urban Meyer's response, “Sometimes they say, ‘How can you go recruit a young guy committed to another school?’ You ask a question, ‘Are you interested?’ If they say no, you move on.

“If they say, ‘Yes, very interested,’ then you throw that hook out there. If they’re interested, absolutely"

 

Comments

ziplock007's picture

Why thank you... Although the credit and inspiration all falls on Bret Bilema... He sounds like that 'B-' student who complains because all the straight 'A' students spend all their time studying.

superbuck's picture

LET THE WHOOP ASS BEGIN

OH-IO

Doug Funnie's picture

Senor Fun & Gun....lol, nice work.

buckeyedude's picture

Dude. That was an amazing peice.

 
 

LadyBuck's picture

And thus, the can of whup ass was unleashed upon the Big Ten.

Great article.

Bucks's picture

"We hired the best coach and we went out and got the best kids so get a life," Gee said of Bielema's criticisms.

http://www.thelantern.com/campus/gee-reflects-on-semesters-urban-meyer-j...

Our own Orville Redenbacher, throwin' down.

William's picture

That is awesome.