Jim Bollman (Dead Horse Beaten)

ziplock007's picture
September 11, 2013 at 1:47a

Ok, I get it. We all get it. Jim Bollman was, is, and forever shall be a terrible football mind.  Jim Bollman was so bad... How bad was he?
He was so bad ElevenWarriors devoted several articles highlighting the black belt of ineptitude.

Fortunately, we no longer suffer from Bollmanitis and I am blessed to have a co-worker who is a diehard MSU fan.  When they hired Bollman I gave him a bit of advice: fear that man.
At OSU, Bollman was equipped with top-10 recruits, future NFL WRs & RBs, and Heisman worthy QBs.  MSU has none of these.

Elliis, unaware of Bollman's unique abilities, wrote an article about the ineptitude of the MSU offense.  No need to click the article, I copy/pasted the intro.  Enjoy the ongoing battering of this lifeless equine.

The Michigan State offense has become a bad joke. It's almost a hackneyed routine to try and put down the Spartans and their inept offense.

"Michigan State's offense is so bad ... "

("How bad is it?")

  • It is so bad MSU's defense is beating it in touchdowns this season four to two.
  • It is so bad that the Spartans played a game of musical chairs with their quarterbacks Saturday.
  • It is so bad that it only managed seven offensive points against a defense that gave up 53 points to McNeese State - an Football Championship Subdivision program - last week.
  • It is so bad that the fans were disappointed when the MSU defense forced a punt, because it meant the team's best scoring option had to leave the field.
  • The sad part is, those aren't punch lines. Those are facts.

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buckeye_heart's picture

We thought we had it bad. MSU is in for a seriously bad year if they keep Bollman. Over or under one season for Bollman at MSU? I'm going under.

Hovenaut's picture

Yeah, ditto on that.

I'm thinking he's even ghost writing on the side for Lane Kiffin, (Carl Spackler voice) so he's got that going for him.

sarasotabcg's picture

Dead Horse Beaten is his Cherokee name. It's an honorary thing.

wolfman's picture

I thought his Cherokee name was "Two Dogs ....".

Buckeyeneer's picture

Dead Horse Walrus Beaten

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes

THE Ohio State University

pjtobin's picture

Sparty pulled a sparty and hired him. He will not be missed. Ever. 

Bury me in my away jersey, with my buckeye blanket. A diehard who died young. Rip dad. 

97Buckeye's picture

Think about this, though... Sparty STOLE him from Purdue. Can you imagine? Before he could coach one lousy game at lousy Purdue, Sparty came and snatched that pile right up and took him home. Simply amazing.

CharlieBuckeye's picture

Walrus ball will live when your head coach does not have any confidence in a QB. I mean 3 QB's playing in a game... Not right. I remember when MSU had an O line you would hate to play against. Oh well.. It must be tough for Dantonio to know that UFM was right about recruiting.

"To have a great life simply follow this rule:  Do not bring undo conflict into your life..."

Charlie Baker - OSU - 1986

BUCKtuckian's picture

Breach of contract 

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
Ron White

rkylet83's picture

First time seeing this!  Spit out my coffee!  Bravo!

unholy bucknut's picture

That was brilliant good stuff.

FitzBuck's picture

Where is the link to Sparty doesn't know?  I about peed myself when I read that ( to the tune of Scotty doesn't know from eurotrip). We need it now.  

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

FitzBuck's picture

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

BUCKtuckian's picture

There are some gems in the timeline.

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
Ron White

GoBucks713's picture

That dude and the @BradyLovesBacon guy are pretty funny. He posts more often than the fake Hokester, but they are both pretty funny.

-The Aristocrats!


That walrus stamp is utterly priceless

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

cajunbuckeye's picture

This dead horse has plenty of life left. I never grow tired of poking the walrus. Sparty, nooooo!

An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches

chitown buckeye's picture

It amazes me with the cut throat business and "what have you done for me lately" attitude of college football that any coach would hire Bollman! Good ol boys club or not, this has followed him whenever he has been in charge of an offense. Not sure who is more impressive in getting work Kiffin or Bollman. 
I laugh because most MSU fans were saying "OSU fans were overreacting and putting unwarranted blame on Bollman" I assume many are beginning to see what we were talking about. However, they are Sparty fans so tough to tell if they even see it...

"I'm having a heart attack!"

droessl's picture

I mean, how could MSU not hire him after he helped Boston College to the 104th ranked offense and 119th ranked rushing game!? 

OSU_ALUM_05's picture

Yeti's have feelings too.

zenshade's picture

Here's a thought: Jim Bollman's last two hires were because the head coaches could see the offensive suckitude writing on the wall and needed a fall guy to take the heat.
I still don't really believe that Bollman is incompetent, just terribly mediocre.  So he's a convenient hire if you know your offense if most likely really going to suck no matter what you do.  He's at least competent enough to get the players on the right track while they are sucking.  Then down the road maybe they improve and Bollman keeps them mired in mediocrity, or the pitch fork crowd start marching down the street to the head coach's house and he quickly redirects them to the Walrus down the street.
Head coach let's the Walrus go, short-term disaster (firing) averted for another season.

ChazBuckeye's picture

All you have to do is look at MSU's offense to this point.  Any additional questions, comments or concerns about how bad Jim Bollman is as an OC???

Some people think we’re the hunted.I don’t feel that way at all.We’re the hunter.Everybody wants an angry football team.Everybody wants a team on edge and a hungry team.If you’re a hunter,that usually equates to being hungry.

cinserious's picture

Mark Dantonio's days coaching MSU are clearly numbered. Its as if he signed off on his own firing when he brought in Bollman, and that was BEFORE the abysmal 1st two games. Maybe Dantonio wanted a fresh start away from Sparty and did this to finnish himself off.
I now pass the baseball bat...

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.


Coach Dantonio had best hang on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

sb97's picture

Out of curiousity...  How much control does Bollman have at MSU?  He is listed as Co-Offensive coordinator and TE coach.  This is not really a response to take away from the OP or anythng I am just curious.

faux_maestro's picture

Doesn't matter how much "control" he has. I believe from what I've read he's working some with the O-line as well because that is his "expertise". His time in Columbus, even before his doomed year as playcaller, shows that he can take good O-line recruits and not help them improve at all. 

Your mom told me she wants a Dicken Cidar.

OSU_ALUM_05's picture

The false start is an irreplacable part of his offensive philosophy

Yeti's have feelings too.

Squirrel Master's picture

Beating a dead horse? The horse ain't dead! Its walking around like a Zombie horse infecting offenses across the nation.
I would agree that the topic has gone on too long if it was in the past but its still around so unfortunately we are reminded of the horror each week.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

I knew the guy was not good...but I couldn't imagine Sparty's offense being as bad as it has.  My goodness.  It makes me appreciate Jim Tressel and the talent that he and his staff were able to pull in more and more, because Sparty doesn't have the same level of talent to make Bollman look better than he really is.

Class of 2010.

OurHonorDefend09's picture

they're on upset alert this weekend vs YSU. you heard it here first, folks.

Don't give up... Don't ever give up.

ChicagoBuckMD's picture

Does anyone have the "Ask Bollman" gif that seems to float around every time one of these comes up? I seem to have misplaced mine...

"Why be around average?" - UFM

Haybucks's picture

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. -  Mark Twain


AngryWoody's picture

Do you know what the biggest travesty of the Bollman hire at MSU is? MSU would be NATIONAL CHAMPION CONTENDERS if they could just average 30+ pts a game. The sad part is that Dantonio hired Bollman because he seems to be more concerned with kissing the hind-quarters of ex-Tressel assistants rather than winning games.
I think this was the worst move Dantonio ever made in his coaching career and if he keeps Bollman for more than three years expect him to be fired. Quote me on it.

Our Honor Defend!

Haybucks's picture

You can lead a horse to water, but if it's dead the only way to make it drink is to kiss it's hind quarters. Well, it looks like kissing.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. -  Mark Twain


Haybucks's picture

It's not funny if it's not true.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. -  Mark Twain


Dayton Buckeye's picture

Mark made a very bad decision here.  Could cost him his job.  It is a shame, I like Dontonio.

WC Buckeye's picture

This is one carcass (horse, walrus) that will never be too dead to beat.

The only thing that's new in the world is the history that we have forgotten.