Big Ten State Beer Consumption Rankings

ziplock007's picture
May 6, 2013 at 9:57p
33 Comments

Good Evening Buckeye Fans.  I know we're all enjoying 11W's own Johnny Ginter's Big Ten State Ranking list of... whatever it is state's have official things of.  It's nice to know Ohio is first in official state birds, state flowers, and state mottos.  There's all sorts of state insignia lists to rank; everything from bats to beverages.

Fun fact: In 2001 Pennsylvania became the only B1G state to adpot an official state toy.  Yep, in 2001 Penn State's commonwealth was busy adopting the Slinky as it's state toy.  I hear they did other stuff back in 2001, but I leave it to the reader to make tasteless attempts at humor.

Inspiration nudged me to rank the official state beverages until I found out that most states, such as Michigan, didn't participate.  Those that did typically cherish cow milk, which is the key non-alcoholic ingredient in The Dude's favorite elixir.  Although Ohio does get the uniqueness award as we choose Tomato Juice... anyone for a bloody mary?


Without any official state lists, I will divert this essay to the college football's most adorned potion: BEER! Whether you're a starving student (Natty Lite in a can), the working class (Natty Lite in a cup), or very well off (Natty Lite and caviar) you've likely overindulged at a football game. Let's Explore The B1G's Beer Consumption Rankings.

Apparently, there's a Beer Institute, and they take the time to measure consumption in gallons per person per year.  By no surprise Utah bottomed out the list at #50 with a paltry 19.2 gallons per person per year.  While non-B1G New Hampshire leads the union with 43 gallons per person per year.  Do the math, that's nearly a pint a day per person, every damn day.  Considering their state motto is "Live Free or Die Hard," they apparently do both.

BIG TEN STATE BEER CONSUMPTION RANKINGS

#1 - Wisconsin - 36.2 gallons per person per year (6th in nation)
It had to be Wisconsin, it all makes sense.  This explains the spitting.  This also explains why their former head coach incessantly whined when losing recruits and gained 10 pounds for every year of tenure.  So how's this for official rankings: 1st in beer, 2nd in Rose Bowls, 3rd in the Bg Ten Leader's Division.

#2 - Nebraska - 34.6 gallons per person per year (9th in nation)
Nebraksa tried to win these rankings, but then realized they haven't won a conference title since the 90's.  Rather than try, why not give up 70 points in a conference title game and offer a defense so porous it created 90% of Braxton's highlight.
Nebraska, you try hard, but you're an 'almost.'  You almost win conferences, almost win bowl games, almost recruit, almost relevant... get the idea?

#3 - Iowa - 33.7 gallons per person per year (13th in nation)
Why drink in Iowa City?  I have no idea.  Is it because Kirk Ferentz nets $4,000,000 per year for the next six years?  Is it because his buyout is so prohibitively expensive that terminating him would make him the 16th highest paid coach in college football for not coaching?  Yeah, it's probably that.

  :)Best with Caviar

#4 - Ohio - 30.6 Gallons per Buckeye (21st in nation)
Ok, Admit it.  You thought when you clicked this, Ohio would be #1.  Perhaps you and stats disagree?  Perhaps we have a lot to celebrate, but are last in B1G disappointments.
Our Head Coach is Urban Meyer, our Offensive Coordinator is not Jim Bollman, and National Titles await. You can't win at everything; a measly national title will suffice.
If it makes you feel better we're one ahead of Alabama in the national rankings, but GERMAN VILLAGE IS ANGRY! 

#5 - Pennsylvania - 29.1 gallons per person per year (27th in nation)
Drink up Lions, there's much to forget.

#6 - Illinois - 28.9 gallons per person per year (28th in nation)
Illinois, be happy.  For once you're not last, but you'll never celebrate again.
What does Illinois' last Football Title, the transistor, and the Korean War have in common? 1951.

#7 - Minnesota - 27.7 gallons per person per year (33rd in nation)
Minnesota, you're like celery: bland, insipid, devoid of zest.  You're in the bottom half where you shall remain forever, bereft of life, happiness, and quality wins.

#8 - TSUN - 26.9 gallons per person per year (36th in nation)
You're supposed to be our rival.  Your state has a great duality with a tradition rich in winning (Michigan) & failure (Rich Rod, Michigan State).
Ann Arbor: Drink because Hoke has you on the brink of relevancy.  Drink because Rich Rod is 3 time zones away.  Drink because Ohio State has Urban Meyer.
East Lansing: Without you, Michigan wouldn't have a rivalry it could actually win.

Michigan, Is this the best your can do?  You'd be dead last if it weren't for...

#9 - Indiana - 26.1 gallons per person per year (39th in nation)
Last place?!?  Unlike sports, drinking involves no talent whatsoever.  How can a state be devoid in both talent and the lack thereof?
Bobby Knight isn't happy.
Unfortunately, Jim Delaney lent you a helping hand.   Your days of bottom feeding are numbered because...

#10 & 11 - Maryland & New Jersey - 23.3 & 22.3 gallons per person per year (46th & 47th in nation)
Pathetic.

Comments

Hovenaut's picture

Being of German heritage, I do like me some beer....

Do you go right to boobs then beer? Or Beer, then boobs, then pretty smile. Or eyes, smile, boobs, beer?

"Success...it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes

Haybucks's picture

Off the tap is way better than bottled.
 

I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.
- Edward Gibbon
 

Hovenaut's picture

It's like, double the fun.

"Success...it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes

brandonbauer87's picture

Is there beer somewhere in the picture?

d1145fresh's picture

Man check out the mugs on those girls... they are huge. Also I like their beer steins. 

hail2victors9's picture

Good thing she has a place to rest her beer.

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!
~Bo Schembechler

HighBallAce's picture

Damn you Hail! You keep making comments that I'm simply incapable of downvoting! 

Knarcisi's picture

She has a built in beer shelf.

brandonbauer87's picture

I can definitely think of something other than beer for that shelf. 

hodge's picture

Fourth place?  Guess I haven't been drinking enough.  
...You increasingly attractive people whom I've never met.

Alpo's picture

Nice thread, but I'll be damned if I let talk about celery like that and get away with it!!!

ziplock007's picture

sorry, celery is good for you
Sorry celery

Geraffi's picture

Next time, go with parsley. Stupid garnish.

bukyze's picture

Looks like I need to start pounding out some more Christian Moerleins' and Great Lakes'.  If everyone in Ohio could just drink just one more lousy pony keg a year, we would rocket right past Wisconsin.  OSU students need to step up their game (along with all the other fine colleges in Ohio, and drink at least another keg a year, to help with all the non-drinkers in Ohio.   We can do it!

buckeyedude's picture

I concur. I read somewhere or heard sometime on the radio that beer, in moderation, is good for you. Much like red wine.
I just haven't figured out the defintion of "moderate."
 

 

 

cplunk's picture

Ah, but Maryland and Jersey will lead the way in boxed wine

brandonbauer87's picture

We drink plenty of beer, we're just smarter. 1 double IPA > 3 natty lights. 

OurHonorDefend09's picture

I tried my hardest these last 4 years to do everything I could for this state. I guess it just wasn't good enough. Sorry, liver.

Don't give up... Don't ever give up.

Doc's picture

I figured Wisky would be first on this list, but didn't think we would be so low.  We went out for lunch on Sunday and I ordered the big Dos Equis draft.  When it came the mug was bigger than the ones pictured in Hovenaut's post(yes, there is beer pictured you just have to look for awhile to find it ;)).  My 6yo looks at it and says, "Dad, that's a big beer.  You won't finish that in three months!"  My wife just shook her head.  I had two.

"Say my name."

droessl's picture

Jersey is too busy doing Jager bombs to drink beer. 

Knarcisi's picture

Wisconsin ... Shocker!

EvanstonBuckeye's picture

Not surprised by Wisky's or Michigan's performances. Badger fans pour New Glarus over their cereal while Michigan fans are nursing a second Bud Light during the fourth quarter of a bowl game. Each a little sad, but in far different ways.
I will be buying some Spaten soon, however. And some pearls.

lamplighter's picture

do they still brew Pearl?

harleymanjax's picture

I went to college in Wisconsin, that number is way too low!

"Because I couldn't go for 3"

BuckeyeVet's picture

"Beer is proof of God's love for mankind" - Benjamin Franklin

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."          - Groucho Marx 
 

HighBallAce's picture

said the guy who was once accused of being a serial killer!

progolfer107's picture

Who did they poll for these stats? 36 gallons is a good month for most everyone I know!!

LadyBuck's picture

Unfortunately, I'm unable to drink beer, however the results don't surprise me. Maybe Maryland will start drinking after their first season here starts...

OSUinFl's picture

I don't think Ohio State is number 1 in the State. Ohio University will give them a run for there money.

Geraffi's picture

Hey all,
What's your favorite Ohio made microbrew? I've had Great Lakes (Burning River Pale Ale and Edmond Fitzgerald Porter), and it's good, but not great (IMHO). Give me your recommendations. 

MN Buckeye's picture

WI deserves to be number 1!  They work hard at it and have earned the right.  In fact, the state legislature is looking at ways to rein in the drinking culture a bit; well, good luck with that!
MN is much more focused on the Scandinavian beverages of choice, such as vodka.