Eleven Warriors

Good Evening Buckeye Fans.  I know we're all enjoying 11W's own Johnny Ginter's Big Ten State Ranking list of... whatever it is state's have official things of.  It's nice to know Ohio is first in official state birds, state flowers, and state mottos.  There's all sorts of state insignia lists to rank; everything from bats to beverages.

Fun fact: In 2001 Pennsylvania became the only B1G state to adpot an official state toy.  Yep, in 2001 Penn State's commonwealth was busy adopting the Slinky as it's state toy.  I hear they did other stuff back in 2001, but I leave it to the reader to make tasteless attempts at humor.

Inspiration nudged me to rank the official state beverages until I found out that most states, such as Michigan, didn't participate.  Those that did typically cherish cow milk, which is the key non-alcoholic ingredient in The Dude's favorite elixir.  Although Ohio does get the uniqueness award as we choose Tomato Juice... anyone for a bloody mary?

Without any official state lists, I will divert this essay to the college football's most adorned potion: BEER! Whether you're a starving student (Natty Lite in a can), the working class (Natty Lite in a cup), or very well off (Natty Lite and caviar) you've likely overindulged at a football game. Let's Explore The B1G's Beer Consumption Rankings.

Apparently, there's a Beer Institute, and they take the time to measure consumption in gallons per person per year.  By no surprise Utah bottomed out the list at #50 with a paltry 19.2 gallons per person per year.  While non-B1G New Hampshire leads the union with 43 gallons per person per year.  Do the math, that's nearly a pint a day per person, every damn day.  Considering their state motto is "Live Free or Die Hard," they apparently do both.

BIG TEN STATE BEER CONSUMPTION RANKINGS

#1 - Wisconsin - 36.2 gallons per person per year (6th in nation)
It had to be Wisconsin, it all makes sense.  This explains the spitting.  This also explains why their former head coach incessantly whined when losing recruits and gained 10 pounds for every year of tenure.  So how's this for official rankings: 1st in beer, 2nd in Rose Bowls, 3rd in the Bg Ten Leader's Division.

#2 - Nebraska - 34.6 gallons per person per year (9th in nation)
Nebraksa tried to win these rankings, but then realized they haven't won a conference title since the 90's.  Rather than try, why not give up 70 points in a conference title game and offer a defense so porous it created 90% of Braxton's highlight.
Nebraska, you try hard, but you're an 'almost.'  You almost win conferences, almost win bowl games, almost recruit, almost relevant... get the idea?

#3 - Iowa - 33.7 gallons per person per year (13th in nation)
Why drink in Iowa City?  I have no idea.  Is it because Kirk Ferentz nets $4,000,000 per year for the next six years?  Is it because his buyout is so prohibitively expensive that terminating him would make him the 16th highest paid coach in college football for not coaching?  Yeah, it's probably that.

  :)

#4 - Ohio - 30.6 Gallons per Buckeye (21st in nation)
Ok, Admit it.  You thought when you clicked this, Ohio would be #1.  Perhaps you and stats disagree?  Perhaps we have a lot to celebrate, but are last in B1G disappointments.
Our Head Coach is Urban Meyer, our Offensive Coordinator is not Jim Bollman, and National Titles await. You can't win at everything; a measly national title will suffice.
If it makes you feel better we're one ahead of Alabama in the national rankings, but GERMAN VILLAGE IS ANGRY! 

#5 - Pennsylvania - 29.1 gallons per person per year (27th in nation)
Drink up Lions, there's much to forget.

#6 - Illinois - 28.9 gallons per person per year (28th in nation)
Illinois, be happy.  For once you're not last, but you'll never celebrate again.
What does Illinois' last Football Title, the transistor, and the Korean War have in common? 1951.

#7 - Minnesota - 27.7 gallons per person per year (33rd in nation)
Minnesota, you're like celery: bland, insipid, devoid of zest.  You're in the bottom half where you shall remain forever, bereft of life, happiness, and quality wins.

#8 - TSUN - 26.9 gallons per person per year (36th in nation)
You're supposed to be our rival.  Your state has a great duality with a tradition rich in winning (Michigan) & failure (Rich Rod, Michigan State).
Ann Arbor: Drink because Hoke has you on the brink of relevancy.  Drink because Rich Rod is 3 time zones away.  Drink because Ohio State has Urban Meyer.
East Lansing: Without you, Michigan wouldn't have a rivalry it could actually win.

Michigan, Is this the best your can do?  You'd be dead last if it weren't for...

#9 - Indiana - 26.1 gallons per person per year (39th in nation)
Last place?!?  Unlike sports, drinking involves no talent whatsoever.  How can a state be devoid in both talent and the lack thereof?
Bobby Knight isn't happy.
Unfortunately, Jim Delaney lent you a helping hand.   Your days of bottom feeding are numbered because...

#10 & 11 - Maryland & New Jersey - 23.3 & 22.3 gallons per person per year (46th & 47th in nation)
Pathetic.

Manti Teo, you fooled us all. Ok, not all of us, just the people who over indulge in college football news.  Read all about it on 11W.

There's a bigger and better CFB media hoax... It all started back in the pre-1995 era.  It was a pretty good era no one knows about, some of the best Simpsons episodes ever made.  There was also a world war or two, answering machines, and dinosaurs.  Any way sit back and learn about the greatest CFB hoax.

Have you ever met a former player from the 1941 Plainfield Teachers' football team?  Of course not, they didn't exist.

Like Teo's girlfriend, they were a figment of someone's imagination.  More specifically, Morris Newburger's imagination.  A Harvard educated stock broker with a jovial spirit, some free time on Saturday, and a phone (having a phone was a bigger deal back then).  Morris would phone the New York Times and his buddy phoned the Philadelphia papers with results from Plainfield Teachers gridiron.  In late October Newburger called in the scores for Plainfield's first three games.

While their mascot was the lion, everything else was unconvential.  They boasted a Hawaiian quaterback, Johnny Chong, named after Newburger's Chinese dry cleaner.  The media sensationalized Chong as "The Celestial Comet," who, according to Plainfield's ficticious Public Relations Manager Jerry Croyden, replenished himself during half time with a big bowl of wild rice.
The "Lions" were coached by Ralph "Hurry Up" Hobiltzel.  He pioneered the infamous 'W' formation where the backs actually faced the opposite direction (insert Jim Bollman joke here).  The 'W' formation was effective as Hobiltzel's squad ouscored their opponents 117-3 in their first 6 games.  Plainfield routed Randolph Tech 35-0 on the same day Notre Dame and Army fought to a scorelss tie.  The future was looking bright for this undefeated 6-0 small town squad.

For 4 weeks the New York Times reported the score of Plainfield Teachers.  Red Smith, a newspaper reporter for the Philadelphia Record, uncovered the hoax.  Sensing trouble was near, the school's agent Jerry Croyden (err... Newburger) released, "Due to flunkings in the mid-term examinations, Plainfield Teachers College has been forced to call off its last two scheduled games with Appalachian Tech tomorrow and with Harmony Teachers College on Thanksgiving Day."

Fun Facts:

• Red Smith would become a famous writer for the NY Times and is remembered for his harsh criticism of Muhammad Ali.
• The Pranksters claimed Plainfield Teachers was in New Jersey or, as it's now referred, Big Ten Country
• Chong accounted for 69 of the teams' points and his home state of Hawaii has an annual Rice Festival (ask about their Halftime specials)
• Pearl Harbor was bombed 16 days after the "season" was cancelled

Ok, ain't that a nice story... I remember reading this in a Hall of Shame Sports book once.  I feel the situation requires some sources:

• http://www.goleader.com/05oct13/16.pdf#search=%27plainfield%20teachers%20football%20hoax%27
• http://www.newyorker.com/archive/1941/11/29/1941_11_29_013_TNY_CARDS_000188722 (requires a subscription to The New Yorker...)
• http://articles.latimes.com/1987-10-11/magazine/tm-13542_1_glory-days
• http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=888&dat=19680926&id=HcIwAAAAIBAJ&sjid=KFwDAAAAIBAJ&pg=7074,4003581
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plainfield_Teacher%27s_College
• http://articles.mcall.com/1990-09-16/sports/2753040_1_product-of-active-imagination-new-york-times-great-sports-hoaxes

Now, let's all share our favorite Lennay Kekua (Teo's deceased imaginary girlfriend) memories in the comments.

Despite all the bad press, the Big Ten teams have some of the best fans in the country.  When you get great universities that pump out lots of great degrees, the students spread across the country and accomplish great things.  I've lived in Las Vegas and now Los Angeles and I see OSU attire everywhere.  At work (lots of engineers from OSU out here)... On the beach (who doesn't love the beach)... OSU bars (yes, even three time zones away you'll find fully dedicated OSU bars)... and probably at church (I don't know, I don't go)

That’s right; we get an education and spread across the country.  Hell, I’m so smart I even used a semicolon in the preceding sentence and the word disposition in the next paragraph.  (Wouldn't be ironic if I misspelled education?)  Engineering is fun, but I long for the days I can work in the B1G.  Despite the national gloom cast upon us, Jim Delaney’s 401k grows by the hour.  Kirk Ferentz makes $3.5 per win, making him the nation’s only non elite coach with an elite retirement house.  Remember Jim Bollman?  He made $300,000 as the nation’s premier 3-and-out coordinator.

Sometimes when fans move across the nation they run into an identity crisis, they simply forget their roots.  But, while your disposition, likes, and surroundings change throughout the years... you're still a good 'ol midwestern Big Ten fan.  Therefore, I've devised a fool-proof logic chart to help these wandering B1Gers trace back their roots.

Enjoy
(NOTE: I didn't realize I'd have to shrink it for the article.  CLICK HERE for full size)

Guys,

Yeah it's a down year for the B1G (again).  Yeah, the defense is a sieve.  Yeah, the B1G has less respect than Rodney (Dangerfield, not King).

Sick and tired hearing the same hyperbole over and over again?  I bet all B1G fans are.  I live in Pac12 country (Los Angeles), and boy do they love piling it on.

Well, it's not just the B1G people exhausted from the press clippings about all the other conferences.  I came home from work and my distant (very distant) relative of the king of the jungle had a nice surprise for me.

Came home from work and this is what my cat did to my SI.

It's important to note... while I live in Los Angeles, I'm from Ohio, I graduated from Ohio State, and my cat, Ichiro, is a Columbus native.  I raised him well. Exceptionally well.  There he is below... resting, pining, satisfied from a job well done.
Competitors practice until they get it right, champions practice until they can't get it wrong.  Take me on blind faith, after years of blarfing practice (sometimes multiple reps in one day), he's now a champion.

You did good kitty... You did real good.

Now rest up, only a matter of time before Saban dons the cover.

Somewhere in a parallel universe the winningest college football coach/philantropist/community leader/all around nice guy (along and his assistant, athletic director, vice president, & president) dial 911 before 13 years elapse.

Even though he left the world in a modicum of controversy, as any graduate from a football mill would expect, the Penn State students "got JoePa's back".  Please withhold judgement, they're simply continuing the worship that's been in practice for generations.  After 46 years of "Success with Honor", their faith is too fanatical to be wavered.  And, while the exalted one donated $4 million over the years...
 

The Lawsuits, they are a 'comin.  Every 5 star Martindale Hubbell litigation expert on the east coast is feverishly polishing their resume for the inevitable.  $100,000,000.00 or more will vanish from the ledgers.  Even the gutless enablers want part of the action.

JoePa, the master strategist, planned ahead.  Even the taxpayers fork over $13,400,000.00 to JoePa's wife.  But who funds the lawsuits?  While the monthly tuition bills won't include a 'Sandusky tax', Nittany Lions can expect tuition increases, fee hikes, new fees, understaffings, and pricier health insurance, dorms, and meal plans.

Guess what Penn State Students?  This is your fate.  You're paying for the ills of your hero.

Joe Paterno once uttered, "The minute you think you've got it made, disaster is just around the corner."
I cannot not improve upon that comment.

Ok, this is a College Football blog so the 4 people that read this already knew about Bobby 'Admiral Moron' Petrino.

Anyway, this reminds me of springtimes past when the 'Tressel Knew' Story hit the waves.  Boy oh boy, don't we remember.  But, OSU, full of resiliance and vigor, stood by there Championship winning man.  Of course, that only bought time for the sports media... not OSU.

Since ANY top 10 program has skeletons jammed packed in a closet, any investigative journaling team (SI, Yahoo!, and Not ESPN who doesn't really believe in exposing teams because it has to pander to the SEC and not reveal that Trent Richardson's umemployed dad somehow got a luxury SUV during Trent's Heisman chase... then again were also oblivious that a man with no income, Pryor, had 7 luxury car rentals until the very end).

The phrase 'no-news is bad news' did not apply.  Remember Ray Small, espnW for some reason, Sports Illustrated's BS piece 'How Deep it went'?  This led to Tressel's resignation, and this, and this, and then more worries... But nothing as abysmial, horrifying, and downright demoralizing as THIS ARTICLE (note: do not read if you have a weak stomach, if you are prone to flashbacks please consult your physician before clicking).

Arkansas, in spite of a lack of NCAA troubles, did the right thing.  If a guy on the payroll makes $1M or more, they should no to do the right thing.  Don't let the menacing media get the upper hand.  They also found the snake in the woodpile and made it disappear.  That's something even Paterno and co. didn't; that probably cost them a recruit or two.

Whoever Arkansas' AD is, he's obviously smarter than Gene Smith.  I bet $10 he doesn't spend 4 months bragging that the NCAA won't give them a big punishment.

That's all I really have to say, nothing profound.  Oh, completely unrelated, here's the most amazing card trick you will ever see in your life.

Ohio state is a #2 seed.  History says #2 seeds only have a 96.2% chance of victory.  Tasting victory a mere 104 times out of 108 opportunities.  Ok, you can smell the sarcasm... but #15 seeds have won 4 times.

#15 Seeds are never feared, they are the unwanted, the untalented, and the overmatched.  But it has happened. 

OSU's chances of losing are slim to none... BUT IT HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

It's so rare that we can take a stroll down memory lane and see what actually went right for the four lucky number 15's.  You'll learn more about the lucky #15 seeds than you ever needed to know.

Enjoy :)

The Pioneer:

Until something is accomplished, it is thought to be a mere impossibility.  For years radio was considered a wireless morse code transmitter and nothing more.  Yeah, it let the Titanic tell the Carpathia it struck a 'berg, but there were no 9th callers.  Then a little unknown, Edwin Armstrong, came along and showed RCA what is now modern FM radio.  He never made any money off the idea (RCA made a crapload) and Armstrong, much like the second round fate of all #15 seeds, plunged to his death a penniless pathetic has-been.  Here is the Edwin Armstrong version of the #15 seeds.

1991: (15) Richmond 73, (2) Syracuse 69

Dick Tarrant's Richmond Spiders were famous giant killers: in 1984, Richmond downed Charles Barkley and Auburn; four years later, defending champ Indiana got caught up in their web. The '91 upset of Syracuse, however, was Richmond's greatest hit. The Spiders became the first 15-seed to down a number two seed. More importantly, it was the first year that CBS had the rights to the opening round of the tournament. Richmond shocked the world, in prime time, on network television, and CBS has paid the NCAA billions to keep every game on its airwaves since.

The CopyCats:

Richmond set the tone for the nobodies, it was only a matter of time before other unrecognizable craps refused to go down without a fight (until the 2nd round).  Speaking of crap, since when did/does Santa Clara have a basketball team?

And here's a nice Jeopardy question: This state contains the campus of Coppin State.  What is Maryland?  Coppin State not only won, but by a baker's dozen.  A feat so amazing, you get to see their picture... ehh

1993: (15) Santa Clara 64, (2) Arizona 61

In one of the biggest upsets since the National Collegiate Athletic Association basketball tournament began seeding its teams in 1979, unranked and unheralded Santa Clara stunned Arizona, 64-61, tonight in the first round of the West Regional.

The Broncos (19-11), champions of the West Coast Conference and seeded 15th among the regional's 16 teams, fell behind by 13 points in the second half before mounting an improbable comeback. It was only the second time that a 15th-seeded team had won a game since the tournament field was expanded to 64 teams in 1985.

1997: (15) Coppin State 78, (2) South Carolina 65

No tradition, no chance. Coppin State never had won a game in the NCAA tournament
and, with a first-round pairing against mighty South Carolina, it didn't look like that was about to change.

Do you believe in miracles?

This game wasn't expected to be close, and it wasn't.

``We didn't even know it was South Carolina out there,'' said Reggie Welch, who had 15 rebounds as the Eagles held a 41-30 rebounding edge. ``We kept on getting confidence, and before you knew it, we were up. We took it five minutes at a time — there's five minutes, there's five more.''  Before they knew it, the Gamecocks' time was up, eliminated by a team whose last previous game against a big-name Division I team was a 36-point loss at Illinois.

Last in the Lineage:

It's been a while since a #2 seed looked like a number two.  I was a freshman at tOSU getting free drinks at Quarters because my 6'4" floormate Omar was the bouncer.  Wait, was that really 11 years ago?  Now I'm living in L.A., married to a beach blonde, addicted to rogaine, Quarters is now the site of Buffalo Wild Wings, and Steve Belasari is probably their head chef.  Anyway, the last time this happened, kids still knew what 'Please be kind, rewind' meant.

2001: (15) Hampton 58, (2) Iowa State 57

Some homecoming for Larry Eustachy. His team came out flat, the fans cheered for his opponent and Iowa State became another first-round upset victim.

Tarvis Williams flipped in a 4-footer in the lane with 6.9 seconds remaining as 15th-seeded Hampton stunned second-seeded Iowa State 58-57 in the NCAA West Region on Thursday night.

Williams took a feed from Marseilles Brown and moved the Pirates (25-6) into tournament history as the fourth 15th seed to beat a No. 2 seed since the tournament expanded to 16 seeds per region in 1985.

So, I'm a displaced Buckeye living in Los Angeles... Weather nice, beach view is nice, but damn do I miss CFB.

Anyway, heard on local Los Angeles sports radio that the same Yahoo! sports investigators that brought down Tressel are going public tomorrow with a story to bring down UCLA basketball.  It involves violations and drug abuse.

This may start a new standard for Ahtletic Directors everywhere: if Yahoo! Sports is on your campus... start shreddin' those file cabinets (or deletin' them emails)

Maybe, it's all wrong.  Maybe you all knew and I'm the last one to know.  Maybe I'm right...  Remember, before these things make the press, they make the rumor mill

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/headlinin-bret-bielema-takes-anti-urban-crusade-higher-125223138.html

No need to read the story, here's a recap.

The B1G coaches were snacking at TGIFridays as they reminisced on the coaches of yesteryore.  Tressel and Carr and Tiller and that loveable Zooker. And a big sigh for JoePa.  Then a man from parts unwanted moseyed in unpreterbed by the stroll through memory lane.  He took a seat in solitude, it was time to celebrate two months of hard work.  But there was man who didn't take too kindly.

"I say, I say, that there was my recruit!" Uttered Bret as beads of sweat formed on his angry brow.  Urban just sat there, said not a word.  He didn't fear what was foaming at the mouth.  This was the same brave soul that once recruited toe to toe with savage beasts as Sir Bulldog, The Displaced Northerner, & Senor Fun & Gun.   He chewed up The Hog, and, rumor has it, emerged unscathed from the mortiferous Sabanacolypse.

Maybe it wasn't losing the recruit that sparked Bret's ire, but the feeling of hopelessness.  Jealousy was the culprit.  You see, Bret's conference had only two titles in 43 years while Urban came from a land that wins each and every one.  Both hands of Urban were anchored down by a massive championship ring.  They were a melodic symphony of precious metals that made the B1G coaches feel somewhat less.  Many shied away, but not Bret.

By now the decibels were increasing, "I say hey you, them there was my recruit!" The shriek was deafening to the ears.  The bartender ducked for cover.  Urban smirked, just a smirk.

Bret hoisted a barstool, it had no weight in his angry hand.  "Urban, I say you give him back or..."  Bret stumbled for words, before dADdy Alverez came in between.  Bret's pride was now replaced by hubris as there was nothing he could do.  The recruit was gone and never coming back.  Urban was being Urban, nothing more.

The B1G's good ol' days are decaying; the antidote...  May I present the new sheriff in town, Urban Meyer.  In his two month tenure he constructed a highway; if the whimpering continues, that's exactly where you can go.  This man gets it, as for the other 10 souls... it may be time to take the offramp.

And, if Bret thought this recruiting season was brutal, wait until next year when the sheriff has 6 times as many bowless months to woo the five star prizes.

OSU and their one true rivalrly will live happily ever after.  Everyone else, enjoy being fodder.

(ps, if you like this, forward it to a friend... this cost me an hour of sleep :) )

Urban Meyer's response, “Sometimes they say, ‘How can you go recruit a young guy committed to another school?’ You ask a question, ‘Are you interested?’ If they say no, you move on.

“If they say, ‘Yes, very interested,’ then you throw that hook out there. If they’re interested, absolutely"

The College Football National Championship game is around the corner, happens every year.  And, we all know this is the first time both representatives reside in the same conference... and yes, it's that impressive SEC conference again.

The SEC conference is impressive, just look how they fared against the B10 last bowl season... A damn good Buckeye squad gave it their all to edge out Arkansas.  Mich St, the Co-B10 Champion (on paper at least), were overpowered, overmatched, and overwhelmed against the 4th best team in the SEC West Division, you know them as Alabama.  And, for comic relief, Miss St. hammered Michigan.

What you don't know about (from ESPN at least) is OVERSIGNING.  This blog and oversigning.com have hammered the issue, but it somehow eludes the national sports media.  Here's a quick breakdown: Oversigning: offering more scholarships than available spots. FBS teams have 85 scholarship spots; a spot is available when a scholarship player either: 1) graduates, 2) leaves early for the NFL, 3) kicked off the team, 4) transfers, 5) medical hardship, 6) Other... For SEC schools, the latter 4 happen a lot more than the Big 10.

Ok, where's my soapbox?  In the last four recruiting classes, which exclude 5th year seniors, here are the scholarships.  Ohio State - 78.  Alabama - 113. LSU - 105.  All three teams that recruit great players, but Alabama and LSU seem to have an extra recruiting class or two to make up their rosters.  The forgotten players just transfer out.  The bigger the talent pool, the greater the end product... hence, the top SEC schools are consistently better than OSU and co.

Last year OSU was pretty impressive (minus Wisconsin's first half).  Could you have imagined the sheer dominance of Pryor's/Tressel's final year (sigh) if they had 36 more top recruits to fill the roster.  Why do I say 36?  Because that's how many more recruits Arkansas had when they met in last year's Sugar Bowl.  This makes OSU's January win (I mean July loss) that much more impressive.

Coaches like Tressel and Paterno's kid speak out against it, but don't put them on a pedastal... Big Ten rules prohibit it.  Hire them in the SEC and they'll master the Oversigning Arts just to stay afloat.

Either the NCAA needs to step in and prevent schools from treating kids like commodities, or the B10 needs to join the club.  The NCAA legislates everything from restricting a recruits's bagel toppings (not a joke) to free tattoos, hopefully SEC vs. SEC will give them the wakeup call to address oversigning.  Remember, it's the NCAA... don't hope too hard.