The Fake Lantern Campus Week in Review: February 10-16

The Fake Lantern's picture
February 17, 2013 at 1:11a
7 Comments

Sunday

Ohio State basketball lost to a team who can’t explain their mascot. Following their impressive basketball victory, Indiana’s athletic department announced its plans to create a football team by 2016.

Students who attended both the BuckeyeThon charity dance marathon and slept in Mattaritaville recovered from their decisions by staring blankly at a wall.

Monday

Ohio State revealed the black permanent marker used to create the school’s new athletic logo cost $45,000.

“Sparks” flew across campus as romance novelist Nicholas Sparks paid a visit.

First time CBJ game attendees found out “the Blue Jackets are really good!”

And Cardale Jones broke his cell phone.

Tuesday

Huntington announced it would begin putting branches of OSU’s official bank within individual dorm rooms.

The ROTC and marching band met on the oval in a bloody, Napoleonic turf battle

A freshman student finally worked up the nerve to try riding a COTA bus.

And zero Ohio State football players were arrested for any reason.

Wednesday

Ohio State’s foreign professors collectively announced they would no longer going to be having the office hour on Wednesday.

Woody Hayes finally got a statue of himself on campus (kind of) at the WHAC. Unfortunately, the statue’s artist was unable to get the legendary coach to stand up straight during the sculpting process.

President Gee gave up wearing bow ties for Lent.

And Brady Hoke gave up for Lent.

Thursday

Single students were glad they didn’t have to celebrate Valentine’s Day – also – extremely sad.

Ohio State basketball (barely) beat a team who should be called Northmidwestern if they’re honest with themselves.

And Huntington Bank followed up its decision to begin installing branches in dorm rooms by buying Ohio State

Friday

A University Village bus obnoxiously hit on CABS buses at every stop.

The Lantern wrote an article about how good it is at writing articles

OSU Student Wellness began offering free morning-after pills to students.

An economics major just couldn’t justify eating at Morrill Commons

And Ohio State just dug around on north campus for fun.

Saturday

Nothing, nothing at all, happened today. 

 

For more fake campus news, be sure to follow @TheFakeLantern on Twitter and check out thefakelantern.com.

Comments

PWLafferty. TBDBITL. TRow.'s picture

I love this stuff...great for a good laugh between classes..keep it up

"I'm up there with Chris and Dave Pass, getting ready to broadcast that game, and that band came out of that tunnel, I was wiping tears out of my eyes and all the memories came back." ~Urban Meyer

buck-I.8's picture

Good to have TFL presence here on 11w guys, I'm a big fan of the twitter account. Keep it up.

AndyVance's picture

Ditto, been following TFL on Twitter for a while (and the Fake Dispatch is pretty good for a laugh, too). For the other writers on 11w, one of my favorites is the Fake AP Stylebook.

RBuck's picture

Thanks for posting this. I had never heard of TFL before I read this. I will now be a regular reader of this super funny blog.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

William's picture

Excellent post. The CBJ and COTA references were great. 

BED's picture

This is better than anything the Lantern has ever published.

The Ohio State University, College of Arts & Sciences, Class of 2006
The Ohio State University Moritz College of Law, Class of 2009