Spring Game To Prove Which Players Care Least About Potentially Injuring Teammates

The Fake Lantern's picture
April 13, 2013 at 10:01a

CINCINNATI, OH - While this year's edition of Buckeye-on-Buckeye football will take place in Cincinnati instead of the Shoe, the story is the same. Ohio State's coaches want to see which players care least about the possibility of injuring a teammate.

While most are expected to play it safe, there are certain players who may end up taking hits too far. But according to one coach, that's exactly what the team needs. "Sure I want to see how our new linebackers can hold up in a game simulation against a versatile quarterback," said second year OSU football coach Urban Meyer. "But what I really want to know is - would Noah Spence kill Braxton Miller if I let him? I think he would." Added Meyer, "Beh-hehhehheh!"

This gladiatorial attitude may seem crazy to some, but probably not to those who attended Ohio State's student appreciation day open practice. According to an anonymous source, David Perkins' brutal hit on Brutus Buckeye during that practice was literally a hit in that Brutus' name had been added to an alleged "team hit list" earlier that day. When asked for comment, Meyer mysteriously whispered, "That was just practice."

As far as who will make the spring game hit list, that remains to be seen - but based on Meyer's comments - you can bet Braxton's name is on there. And everyone else's.


RBuck's picture

I was going to tell the poster that he's out of his mind...until I saw who it was.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)

cinserious's picture

Black jersey means 'YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH'.

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

Oyster's picture

Read it again...

You cannot cut a diamond with a sledgehammer...