Clay Travis -> **BREAKING NEWS** The Truth About Urban Meyer and Hernandez - What You Aren't Being Told

steensn's picture
July 11, 2013 at 2:05p
35 Comments

Summary:

Urban is the devil... everything is his fault.

How it began:

Urban Meyer was seeing the rise of the all great and angelic Nick Saban, the greatest coach to ever live. Because he knew he was running out of talent left over from the previous regime at UF, he had to devise a plan to take control of the NCAA football empire. That is when it hit him while talking to his BFF Hernandez over a bowl of crack.

The plan:

Meyer would take a year off coaching, by faking a heart condition, to start a drug cartel out of UofF, running drugs sourced through Miami. He would use his ESPN gig as a cover for all his travel to college campuses to set up local distro branches on the biggest campuses within the US, focused on their football program. All he needed was one campus to keep clean, where he could facilitate taking the HC job immediately. Due to his connection with OSU and Gene Smith, Hernandez would go behind the scenes through a local tattoo shop owner pay for memorabilia and give them free tats. Meyer would pay a local lawyer to frame Tressel to make it seem like he knew everything all along. Knowing this would end up with the OSU HC position to be vacant for Meyer to swoop in.

When it started falling apart:

A few acquaintances of Hernandez found out about the plan and blew the lid a year too early. Meyer would not be ready to jump on the coaching job until a year later after he set up all the feeder local distro centers. He quickly disposed of the snitches and paid someone to say they saw Hernandez there, he would later use this to shield himself from blame later for the truth you are now hearing. He called on his buddy Gene Smith, had a chat ove a bowl of crack, and filled him in. Cutting Gene into the profits, Gene made sure that he hired from within someone not ready to be HC, but who could recruit with the best of them. This gave Meyer the extra year to set up the cartel across the nation on some of the biggest campuses.

The dawn of a new era:

Meyer called his buddy Gene up after the season and said he was ready, so they got together and talked over a bowl of crack. By that point Gene had paved a way for Meyer to come in and hold a recruiting seminar for the football world to see. He used some of his drug money to pay off recruits to come to OSU, flipping recruit after recruit, and smoking a bowl of crack with recruits going to other schools. Things were going great, 12-0 season, two top 5 recruiting classes, drug issue... after drug issue... after drug issue... started popping up because of Meyer's scheme and it was working perfectly. He was on top of the world, approaching what would most likely be 20 straight NC's with all the other major powerhouses and upstarts falling to drug issues.

And then...:

Again, Hernandez's acquaintances found out about the recruits being paid. Hernandez invited over a group of people over to hang out and smoke a bowl of crack while Meyer hid in the bushes. Meyer took his shot while everyone was distracted and planted the evidence linking Hernandez to the murder after disposing of the body. This being Hernandez's second offense, Meyer couldn't let it slide this time. Killing Hernandez wasn't an option, he needed someone to take the fall. He made a call and set into motion what we are seeing unfold today.

When it all fell apart:

But, we will not be fooled. I was told by a trusted source, I cannot name and cannot confirm that he exist, the truth. I know the truth and I will continue to share it with the world. Not only is Meyer responsible for Hernandez becoming a bad person, he was his drug dealer, he was the shooter, he hid the body, and he is behind every drug problem in college football. Unlike Saban and the rest of the angelic SEC, Urban is turning college football into a drug infested first person shooter with Urban as the ring leader. I will not rest until the real story is told.

-- Clay Travis (now with FOXSports "news")

Comments

sathey's picture

Urban must confess! He was the 2nd shooter on the grassy knoll! 

One Bad Buckeye's picture

over a bowl of crack

LOL!!!
This really is the sort of story the media is frantically digging away hoping to find.  
Imagine a connect-the-dots drawing in a coloring book.  We adults can see out ahead of time that if you connect the dots in order you'll get a race car or a dinosaur or something awesome like that.
Clay Travis and the likes are frantically trying to connect the dots out of order to create a picture that bests suits them, which obviously would be another story that takes down Ohio State and their coach for the second time.  
Sorry Clay, aint gonna happen....who's the real snake oil salesman here? Yeesh.  

"I'm One Bad Buckeye, and I approve this message."

Crimson's picture

I told you Urban got rid of Tress!  I didn't know about the drugs thing though.

steensn's picture

The truth always comes out, usually through Clay Travis.

Bucks43201's picture

yes! I agree Kate. Clay Travis is a bad bad man.

"You win with people." - Woody Hayes

PlanningBuck12's picture

While Kate is a beautiful women, I cannot look passed the fact she is TTUN born and raised and  a TTUN fan. 

PlanningBuck

"Anything easy ain't worth a damn" - Woody Hayes

Hovenaut's picture

This is true.

Brooklyn Decker, however, is not.

No pic or gif, don't want to disrupt the thread.

I am not very smart, but I recognize that I am not very smart.

NW Buckeye's picture

In all fairness to everyone and to have an Ohio woman instead of the ttun girl above, here is a BD gif...... 
 

bigbadbuck's picture

well.lets hope this truth comes out!

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here its a war room

Oyster's picture

Did anyone else notice that she takes a deep breath before going down?

GoBucks713's picture

Brooklyn Decker>>>Kate Upton

-The Aristocrats!

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

If she showed up on my doorstep DTF, I would look past her TTUN fanship and TSUN origin.

Class of 2010.

AcrossTheField11's picture

Ugh... so NSFW... so awesome... so distracted right now. 
Maybe I'll try to wander over to the coffee machine.
 

Time and change will surely show how firm they friendship... O-HI-O.

bigbadbuck's picture

truth!!!............come out come out!!!

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here its a war room

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

I'm not sure why this blog has a negative vote balance...I got a hell of a laugh out of this.  Well done.

Class of 2010.

KingKosar's picture

I loved this post too, Show.  I laughed my arse off while reading it.
Great post, Steensn!

Idaho Helga's picture

I thought this investigative piece to be outstanding as well.  There was however, no mention of his mentoring males to pee in public as a show of machismo.

ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

Side effect of crack bowls.

Class of 2010.

steensn's picture

I actually started laughing when I came back and saw the -3 votes. Seems that the people who found it funny didn't upvote and a few thought it was bad? I'm no writer, ill never try to be, this is as far as I go... But I didn't think it was that bad...

Earle's picture

Urban Meyer is Keyser Soze. 

Just say no to italics abuse.

IBLEEDSCARLETANDGRAY's picture

I'm waiting for the arrest warrant to come out for Coach Meyer at any moment myself. Afterall, this guy IS guilty of coaching a player who went on to allegedly commit murder several years after leaving the coach's program. If that isn't guilt I don't know what is. Meyer is responsible for turning a sane, angelic young man with no prior anger issues or criminal record into an alleged murderer and is guilty of giving this kid a chance to make something of himself. How dare he?. How dare he show love and remorse for this player? That is utterly deplorable! He should be locked up right now. Hell, off with his head!!!!
I would love for someone to come up to someone like Travis and ask him if he's offended they haven't arrested Urban Meyer. Then I'd love to see that person dickpunch the holy hell out of Travis for whatever asinine thing that comes out of his trap. That would be the only satisfying thing to result from this stupid garbage.

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

cajunbuckeye's picture

Well done Steensn. Twisted, but well done.

An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches

YTOWNBUCKI's picture

I'm going to do all of my business over a bowl of crack after reading this.

"If you root for Michigan, the terrorists win."

ATXbucknut's picture

Clay Travis' "trusted source"?

AngryWoody's picture

This wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so close to what the "journalists" have been writing.

Our Honor Defend!

rkylet83's picture

I've heard Coach Meyer takes the players who aren't successful to a facility where they are knocked out and their bodies are stripped of all genetic material to feed to current players!  Their parents are told they left the team to pursue a life of crime.

buckskin's picture

I have 2 buddies at work who actually believe that the whole Tressel/Urban scenario was actually a yearlong conspiracy orchestrated by the OSU BOT.  Don't ask.

OSUs12-OH's picture

I found the GIFs more funny than the write up to be quite honest.  
Urban will always be the devil in the eyes of SEC's, the media and especially FL affiliates/fans.  As far as I'm concerned, it's a bunch of shit to believe an once of what people are saying how this climate/atmosphere Urban created at FL has something or anything for that matter to do with what any former player does.  It's ridiculous as far as I'm concerned.  
IMO it's stories like Meyer had something to do with Aaron's choices personally just makes our society look more and more ignorant to insinuate things like this as the media has.  Less and less accountability for the people who actual created the problem(s)...makes sense to me:-(  Just listen to the excuses of the criminals that do the exact opposite of what the mentors that try to teach them.  But we don't hear about that...the actual facts of these situations.

"I want a hungry team. I want a team that can't wait to get out there. I want an angry team! You're the Ohio State Buckeyes. You're an angry football team. You're a hungry football team and I'm proud to be your coach." UFM

tdible2132's picture

The bowl of crack lines were pure gold!

ScarletGray43157's picture

Man!  How big were those bowls of crack???

In old Ohio there's a team that's known throughout the land...

Maestro's picture

That Clay Travis is like the new Geraldo Rivera.  The world is such a better place with those 2 around.

vacuuming sucks

BABuckeye's picture

With all that crack smoking, is Urban responsible for the Global Warming, too?

BeijingBucks's picture

stop hogging the bowl!
puff puff pass urbz!

 

 

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton

mshaf's picture

Was that your average cereal bowl or a giant salad bowl ?