From the T & C Dept*:
Pittsburgh Police authorities have arrested three Pitt Panthers for the possession of a bong, a quantity of heroin, and a deli ham and cheese sandwich (a former NYC officer who works in Pittsburgh now called it a "grinder"). Drew Carswell, Khaynin Mosley-Smith and Eric Williams were detained for use or possession of drug paraphernalia. Carswell, a junior tight end, Mosley Smith, a junior defensive lineman, and Williams, a junior linebacker, all played relatively small roles for the Panthers in 2012. But because of the bizarre circumstances surrounding the packaging of the heroin, police are now seeking information on the whereabouts of Mark May, an employee of ESPN, who has yet to turn up at his residence, 720 Panther Pantie Way, Hazbin, PA. The residence appears to have been hastily vacated.
The heroin, as it turns out, was wrapped in women's underwear, size 16, with frayed and stretched waist banding. This led police to conclude that the underwear had been worn most likely by a man for some time. Preliminary DNA evidence found in the material somehow implied that Mark May, the standout Panther of yesteryear, was most likely the previous owner of the "heroin wrap".
Efforts to locate and interview May on the subject have failed.
That is all. Resume Offseason.
The Time Traveler
*Tongue n Cheek Department :)