Mark May To Be Indicted?

southernstatesbuckeye's picture
April 26, 2013 at 4:00p

From the T & C Dept*:

Pittsburgh Police authorities have arrested three Pitt Panthers for the possession of a bong, a quantity of heroin, and a deli ham and cheese sandwich (a former NYC officer who works in Pittsburgh now called it a "grinder").  Drew Carswell, Khaynin Mosley-Smith and Eric Williams were detained for use or possession of drug paraphernalia.  Carswell, a junior tight end, Mosley Smith, a junior defensive lineman, and Williams, a junior linebacker, all played relatively small roles for the Panthers in 2012.  But because of the bizarre circumstances surrounding the packaging of the heroin, police are now seeking information on the whereabouts of Mark May, an employee of ESPN, who has yet to turn up at his residence, 720 Panther Pantie Way, Hazbin, PA.   The residence appears to have been hastily vacated.

The heroin, as it turns out, was wrapped in women's underwear, size 16, with frayed and stretched waist banding.  This led police to conclude that the underwear had been worn most likely by a man for some time.  Preliminary DNA evidence found in the material somehow implied that Mark May, the standout Panther of yesteryear, was most likely the previous owner of the "heroin wrap". 

Efforts to locate and interview May on the subject have failed.


That is all.  Resume Offseason.

The Time Traveler


*Tongue n Cheek Department :)


cajunbuckeye's picture


An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches

USMC11917's picture

Nothing inflates a blood vessel like a size 16 g-string fringed in lace!-- Mark May

OSUinFl's picture

I thought Mark May is a shemale.

OSU_ALUM_05's picture

Are you saying MARK MAY no longer WEARS WOMENS UNDERWEAR?

It's not that hard to be a good apprentice.

Jelligrim's picture

Mark May is Einhorn?

Poison nuts's picture

Laces Out!!!

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

GoBucks713's picture

LSUFreek needs to make this.

-The Aristocrats!

OSUinFl's picture

Mark May when at Pitt gave head to 5 dudes.

OSUinFl's picture

Mark May really knows how to get fans of Ohio State , Arizona State, ND and Texas Am to be very angered at him.  Why does ESPn keep Urkell

Haybucks's picture

"Panther Pantie Way, Hazbin, PA."

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. -  Mark Twain


tdible2132's picture

Man, when I saw "Mark May Indicted", I actually thought it might be real. Then I read the post lol.  One of these days he'll be going down, that I guarantee.  It will either be for his dogfighting rings (the conspiracy in which Mike Vick was framed for Mark May's operation), or it will be for running a high level prostitution business in which he's the CEO aka PIMP.  Your time will come Mark, your time will come.

OSUinFl's picture

I bet Mark May is upset today he has to play golf with Ohio State and ND alumni.

FlapJackson's picture

I appreciate the (dim) wit, and i hate mark may as much as the next guy, but this is getting really childish. Kind of embarrassing to be honest.

southernstatesbuckeye's picture

I respect that, Flap, and really couldn't care less about Mark May from Fred Flintstone...well, maybe some other guy...I like Fred.  But when I saw the article on the Pitt players, something just said, "stab that."
I know you've done it, right?  Somewhere in your past...saw a dead cat or a squirrel, or maybe a possum twitching its last moments out from french kissing a car tire?  And something just said to...stab that? 
So no offense intended, and yes, probably childish...well, mostly...ok, ALL childish.  But, wooo hooo it felt fun writing that and giggling like a ten year old girl.  Thought the other children of Buckeye Nation might still get a giggle outa the gig.
I'm sure it's ok with even Mark that we have a little fun being kids. 
Sorry if I offended.
Time Traveler

chubler's picture

Judging by his comments, I'm fairly certain that Mark May is directed by his shadowy ESPN overlords to frequently say disparaging things about the schools that have far and away the largest national followings - ND & OSU- simply because it gets ratings. Criticizing Bama isn't gonna get him any ratings, sadly (and they've pretty much made themselves impossible to criticize with their performance on the field). If they had the national media following, you can bet he'd more frequently be criticizing slipping SEC power LSU. Or the sh*tshow that is USC. but it wont generate enough views and pageclicks to be worth it.
...oh and it helps that people love to hate those two programs as well, so really its a win-win for ESPN to over-criticize them (just like ND and OSU get over-hyped when they win).

buck-I.8's picture

Why won't criticizing Bama get ratings? With the perennial winning paired with the oversigning. questionable recruiting techniques, etc., are they not a archetypical villain? Why does Skip Bayless get ratings for dumping on LeBron, but Bama is immune?

bukyze's picture

tOSU has a much larger national following and larger alumni base than Bama.  Also, before Saban got there, they had been pretty mediocre the previous 10 years  (74-61 record, with one SEC championship, and only ending up in the AP top 20 3 times).  We have had sustained success for much longer.  Those would be my guesses.

CowCat's picture

I agree, this is getting childish.  After all why would someone insinuate that MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR when they don't really know if MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR.  We should all be able to show more maturity than saying MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR, as saying MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR really reflects poorly on the OSU fanbase as a whole.  We have many distinguished alumni who don't believe MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR.  Would a Michigan Man resort to saying MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?  Ony if it's true MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR would that be deemed acceptable at that school.   And truly, in this day and age should we sit in judgment if MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR?  In other cultures it might be normal if MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR.   In fact, some believe that when MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR the cleansing rains will come and the crops will flourish.   So, in closing we need to be respectfull if MARK MAY WEARS WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR.

"We get paid to score touchdowns, not kick field goals"
-- Urban Meyer

OSUinFl's picture

Some Mark May quotes
Mark May arguing that the NCAA unfairly punishes the SEC while they protect the Big Ten and Pac-10.
He calls the Big Ten and the Pac-10 their "Sacred Cows" and seems to try to play off the SEC in the same breath as a non-automatic qualifying conference. 

Jhesse17's picture

Dammit you got my hopes up.

OSUinFl's picture

I believe Mark May hatred started from his high school days when Woody didn't recruit

WC Buckeye's picture

We've got a winner right here, folks!!

The only thing that's new in the world is the history that we have forgotten.

texasbuckeye's picture

Size 16?  I guess he must have lost weight. Probably from the heroin.

OSUinFl's picture

I wonder what Mike Golic thinks of Mark May bashing his ND Irish team. He played for them and his son was a starter this past season.

HighBallAce's picture

I read somewhere that Mark May is the primary designer for the new Windows 8 operating system and that his intention was to create mass confusion amongst the business world!!!!!

southernstatesbuckeye's picture

hmmm...just realized that Mark May can be rearranged to phonetically spell, "Kry mama!"

BraveandBold's picture

I could see Mark May getting charged with Felonious Cock Sucking with the Attempt to swallow evidence.

OSUinFl's picture

Mark May is known as Urkell.

jthiel09's picture

I clicked this thinking it was real ... and was even happier after I read it. Bravo southernstatesbuckeye.


OSUinFl's picture

It will be fun to watch Pitt get a beat down by Flordia State on Labor Day.

Buck Commander's picture

 HEY,,,,,Now we know after all these years ,that is heroin in his pants and he wasn't happy to see Saban!!!

Every time I set my DVR to record Biggest Loser......It always records Wolverine Football Games!

OSUinFl's picture

The Only time pitt was any good in the last 20 years it a Walt Harris a former OSU coach.