Looking Ahead: Running Backs

shamgod's picture
February 13, 2013 at 11:28a

1. Carlos Hyde, Senior. 6’0”, 235 lbs. Our best running back since Clarett? Hyde hits the hole hard and wiggles in it. He puts tacklers on their backs, doesn't fumble, and he's durable. When he was complaining about playing time, I thought that was crap. BUCK UP BUDDY, WAIT YOUR TURN. Now? NEED MORE GUAP. If he’d left after just two-thirds of a season as a starter, that would have shown us. I would’ve left.


2. Jordan Hall, Senior. 5’9”, 198 lbs. Hall might not be the biggest or fastest, but he hurt his foot cleaning up after his dog like a goddamn hero. I live in Brooklyn, the dog-poop-on-the-sidewalk capital of the world. I’ll go for a jog and see 20 varieties of dog poop: Lincoln Log poops, Italian snake sausage poops, mooseberry poops, chocolate Tasti D-Lite poops, crumbly Stonehenge poops. My neighbors are frantic to catch the sociopaths who don’t clean up after their dogs. When I owned a dog, I got screamed at once a week. YOU BETTER CLEAN UP AFTER THAT PIT. Lady, he’s not even pooping, he’s trying to murder a bird shadow. He’s so cute! It got to the point where I’d hold my plastic bags in my hand at all times. You want to catch the people who don’t clean up after their dogs, stake out the corner at four in the morning. They know you ain’t like them.

3. Rod Smith, Junior. 6’3”, 230 lbs. I would shriek and dive out of the way rather than try to tackle this man. You guys remember the Oklahoma Drill? Bet they don’t do that drill any more (NSFW, language), what with the CTE that’s been going around. When I was in seventh grade, I fancied myself a pretty stout linebacker. Then they pitted me in an Oklahoma Drill against the eighth-grade’s starting tailback. Dude knocked me on my back with a stiff-arm, high-stepped on my stomach, and pranced away like Deion Sanders. Twas a real lonely moment. I didn’t quit the team—I have character—but after that I certainly did quit on the team. Stupid meritocracy, what about my dreams?

4. Bri’onte Dunn, Sophomore. 6’1”, 214 lbs. After Jamaal Berry, I'm no longer advocating for the flashy young backup. Dunn looks phenomenal when he gets to play, but is that just because Hyde and Smith have already destroyed the other team’s will? Or was Berry a great talent, but he just didn’t have his “head in the game” blap blap blap? Don’t ask me. I’m not the most sophisticated judge of talent. PUT HIM IN, HE SCORES THE TOUCHDOWNS.

5. Warren Ball, Freshman. 6’1”, 215 lbs. I hate that some people are acting like his window is already closed. He missed all season with a broken foot; give him a chance before chasing him off to Scranton A&M. Me, I’m fired up to root for Warren B the Regulators because I am old and I think 20-year-old hip-hop references are cool. When Bernard Pollard Wu-Tanged Steven Ridley in the AFC championship game, I rewound the hit about a hundred times while shouting lines from “Killer Tape” (Legos! NSFW). HE’S IN THE BLACK LAND WITH THE SHADOWS AND GHOSTS. My guests were nonplussed. I might be the last person left who’s a) old enough to care about Wu-Tang outros, yet b) immature enough to drunkenly yell them at a concussed dude on the TV. The worst part is that I seem to be bragging about this.

6. Ezekiel Elliott, Freshman. 6’0”, 205 lbs. He was best player from the state of Missouri, yet we nabbed him to be our sixth-string running back. I once dated the daughter of a billionaire, which is something I like to mention. I’ve got five grand in my checking account. Proportionally, her dad was richer than me like I’m richer than a dude with two cents. That’s not even sleeping-on-the-subway money. If a homelessman asked me for five bucks, well, I’d tell him to slag off, but what if that five bucks would change his whole life? GODSPEED, PUNGENT SOUL. But if I’d asked the billionaire for a million? He would’ve reacted like I asked to rear-end his dog. GITCHER FILTHY HANDS OFF MAH MONEY. And he’d be right—that ain’t America. America needs some dudes to be billionaires and other dudes to have weird lumps on their kidneys they can’t afford to get checked out. I don’t know why, but it does. That’s why college football is the quintessential American sport: OSU is the billionaire, Mizzou is the doofus with five grand, and the homelessman with 2¢ is, I dunno … Indiana? My point is, calling the Buckeyes “we” as they drub Indiana year after year feels really, really empowering.

Outlook: Dunn, Warren B, and the Regulators run for 13.4 YPC in fourth quarter after fourth quarter through opposing B1G defenses layin’ in their blood like a newborn child.

Comments Show All Comments

johnny11's picture

Lmao thank you I lol'd at all of this.


Italian Snake Sausage? thanks for the visual

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

Alhan's picture

Amazing. I enjoyed every rambling random thought you presented. Poetry.

"Nom nom nom" - Brady Hoke

Poison nuts's picture

Funny ish Shamgod..

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

cinserious's picture

I did'nt quite make out your projection for Jordan Hall. Too busy dodging brown treasures on the sidewalk.

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

Iwearmocs's picture

The EZE ramble was great.

BucksfanXC's picture

I don't know what made me read that, but I thought it looked like there might be some information in there, somewhere. Somehow there was, I think. Mostly information about your mental well-being. I have no training whatsoever in the field, but I believe you may need help. Help that I can't provide. You should go see a doctor, counselor, someone.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

shamgod's picture

The players' heights, weights, names, and class years should all be accurate.

BucksfanXC's picture

Oh, I'm just giving ya shit. Hell, you put in the effect to post something about the Buckeyes, and even formatted it. I'll always give it a read, what the hell else do I do around here?
I too appreciated the Warren B./Regulators reference and I hope that sticks.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

shamgod's picture

Haha, my bad. 

RedStorm45's picture

I'll be more direct : Position = stacked.

RedStorm45's picture

"Our best running back since Clarett?"
How do you forget ol' #28?

shamgod's picture

I think I'd rather have Hyde. More dependable.

RedStorm45's picture

No.  Beanie>Hyde.

cinserious's picture

Hyde is definitely more dependable but Beanie was for sure more of a gamebreaker. The 'best since Clarett' definitely was unwarrented. Had Beanie not had the injury problems I see him taking a backseat to only Archie Griffin as an OSU running back.
Edit:  Hell, just being around for three years as opposed to Clarett's one put Beanie light years ahead of Clarett anyway as a running back.

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

45has2's picture

Before you anoint Beanie as the best since 45 you better watch some clips of 27. Eddie George had it all: Size, power, speed and grace. Oh yeah, and he won some obscure award that rhymes with HEISMAN.  Also, after Eddie went pro he didn't rub it in Buckeye faces and say "they never saw my best", because he didn't have to. Eddie gave all he had all day, every day. I'll take Carlos over BW any day of the week. I've yet to see Mr. Hyde take himself out of a game. He demands the rock and when he gets it he brings the pain. He's giving The Buckeye Faithful all he has with no thoughts to saving it for something or somewhere else.

"I don't like nice people. I like tough, honest people." -W.W. Hayes

ohiowhitesnake's picture

Wish I could up vote this 100 times. Not that I don't love Beanie, but I LOVE Eddie 

I finally got a set of Gold Pants!

cjkanski's picture

I'm to young to have seen Archie but I'll always remember remember Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!
#27 brought an elegant destruction to the opponents he faced.

"I could *BLEEP* forever. *BLEEP until I drop" - The Count


cajunbuckeye's picture

It's to bad Beanie didn't have Hydes 'juice." Hyde closed out some big wins with punishing runs.

An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches

Brutus Greyshield's picture

What are you talking about?
I remember only one game in which Beanie underperformed (the 2008 PSU loss). 
I can remember several times that Beanie carried the team. For example, he accounted for 222 of 279 yards gained by the offensie and scored the only 2 TD's in the 2007 Michigan game. In the National Championship Game that year, he didn't get enough touches--He did manage 146 yards on just 20 carries, which happens to be just 10 yards less than Hyde's career best for yards in a game. 
In his three wins against Michigan, Beanie ran for 412 yards on 55 carries (7.2 yards per carry).
He carried the ball almost 500 times in two years, so yeah he got hurt every know and then.
I love 'em all, so I don't like to debate who is or was the best, but it's not fair to claim that Beanie lacked 'juice.' 

cajunbuckeye's picture

I'm talking about Hyde being in the game everytime the team needed him. I'm not knocking Beanie, but I'll take Hyde. Durability is a big plus for me. Besides, Hyde seems hostile at times and I like that. Get my drift Greyshield, I'm a Hyde fan.

An angry fan...rooting for an angry team...led by angry coaches

chromedomebuck's picture

Awesome perspective. I enjoyed this

Champions Bleed Scarlet & Gray

Borrowed Time's picture

well done, Shamgod. very entertaining

Hovenaut's picture

Wow....you Ol' Dirty B...ack critic.

Well playe.....written sir. I'll always have Warren G in my head when I see Warren B regulating in the future.

BuddhaBuck's picture

Shamgod, are you the scotch drinking version of Ramzy? More 20-year-old hip-hop references, please. 
I hope Sam Silverman designs a Warren B. poster soon.

Don't text while driving.

shamgod's picture


Citrus's picture

I am not sure why this doesn't have 100 upvotes yet.

Buckeyejason's picture

1. Carlos Hyde, Senior. 6’0”, 235 lbs. Our best running back since Clarett? 

^ No!
Otherwise good stuff, nice write up.


iball's picture

Hilarious...I nearly wu-tanged myself

“There’s one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it’s that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.” – Kenny Powers

tampa buckeye's picture

Hyde isn't even the best running back since Hyde.

Iron_Buckeye's picture

Hyde was the best back in our stable last year. It is an insane stretch of the imagination to say he is better than Eddie, Clarett or Beanie. I think with more playin time and opportunities, he will hit his groove and have a chance to grow into a great back.

“The minute we stop expecting greatness from our football program, we become Wisconsin.” Craig Krenzel

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

Our best running back since Clarett?

Was that serious?

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Knarcisi's picture

El Guapo is pretty damn good, boys. And likely his best year to come. Beanie and Pittman were good, but the best since Clarett is not a stretch at all. 

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

What the heck am I reading? Before the season people were saying Hyde wasn't that kind of RB. Now people are saying he's better than Chris Wells? The same Wells that ran for over 3300 yards, and 30 TDs in 3 seasons, while being stuck with Jim Bollman?

Did I wake up in bizarro world? :/

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Knarcisi's picture

No, you woke up to a guy that went through a Mickey Marotti offseason, and a guy that has his best year yet to give.  We're saying it's not a stretch.  Also, he's much more dependable than Beanie.

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

I don't believe Marotti should be given all the credit. Hyde showed in 2011 against Nebraska and Indiana that he could be a star RB. I believed in him long before the rest of Buckeye nation hopped on the wagon. Hyde is good, but right now he's not touching Beanie.

I feel the same way about Rod Smith.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

btalbert25's picture

I'm with you man, I thought it was nuts the way they handled him in 2011.  He was a better option than Hall and Smith and maybe even Herron.  I hope Rod Smith quits dropping the ball this year and has an impact on the offense, but I'll take Hyde every day of the week.  The guy isn't going to break off 50 yard TD's(like Beanie could) but he'll get 4 or 5, then snap off a 25 yarder all while keeping the ball in his hands.

AJBor41's picture

Well, he could break off 50+ yard TDs... 
Note: I'm in the camp that thinks Beanie was a better RB, at least at this point in his OSU career, though it's closer than many think.  Beanie had almost 100 more carries in his junior season, but averaged about 2 feet more per carry than Hyde as well.

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

He also had a 50+ yarder against Indiana. He just didn't score.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

The fact they didn't use him against Michigan or Purdue made me want to scream. I guess that's what happens when you put a guy who isn't ready as hc.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Knarcisi's picture

Altough I give it to ya big time on the Bollman point.  Beanie was teh perfect back for the zone blocking scheme.

cinserious's picture

Remember Hyde came in as a fullback and he still has alot of that left in him. Turned out he's alot faster than expected and got into good shape. He's dependable, durable, strong frame, and delivers a whopping payload. Ram trucks. However, he doesn't have many inside moves, lateral quickness, ability to get to the edge or Beanie's stiffarm. Don't get me wrong, I love what Hyde has become and he really wants the rock and has worked hard for what he's earned. I wouldn't trade him in for any RB in the country, I feel he's the best at what HE does and thats to get you the tough inside 5 yards when you most need them.

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

Buckeyejason's picture

Best backs since Clarrett in my opinion 
2. Antonio Pittman
3. Boom Herron


BuckeyeChris's picture

Excellent. Thank you! Though, I may have to join in with the "Beanie > GUAPO" chorus. That said... the 2011 coaching staff did not effectively utilize #34. Who knows? Had they more effectively utilized him in 2011 how much more beastly he would have been in 2012?
That is all.