Looking Ahead: Fullbacks

shamgod's picture
February 15, 2013 at 10:57a

None. Thank god. I don’t know about you guys, but I could use a break. I smoke cigarettes. I know, right? I will keep it up. Sure, I can’t climb stairs, maintain an erection after four beers, or look in the mirror while swallowing, but I get to throw my butts everywhere and it doesn’t count as littering. WIN. I can flick a spent butt a good ten yards, which impresses, like, everyone. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, CHILDREN.

Oh right, my point: For most people, turning off the TV and trying to think creatively is an unambiguously positive thing. But for a smoker, it’s TOXIC. I’ll open my laptop and try to write a joke about dog poop or a elegiac poem about dead squirrels, and 90% of what comes to mind is CIGARETTE CIGARETTE CIGARETTE NOW NOW NOW HURRY. So I can either be productive and chain-smoke, or I can flip over to an AV Club article about The New World and surf mindlessly through the comments for two hours. But don’t click on the pretty video of the ships! It’ll rile me up, make me smoke. Seriously though, the AV Club’s commenters are the best:

Outlook: OSU runs for 3,500 yards without a fullback, and this guy doesn’t care because he’s having the world’s grossest sex with his girlfriend.

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