TOP TEN REASONS WHY ARKANSAS HIRED BRETT BIELEMA
Sorry. I had to write all of this extra stuff to fit the 200 word count minimum. I'm not sure how much longer I have to write meaningless words. It is December 4, 2012 and Michigan still sucks. Dang, next time I will learn to add extra words to make it to 200 words because more words make it better. That is, in no way, a critique of the Eleven Warriors management or their policies.
10. Bielema has built up a tolerance to cheese but not squirrel.
9. Bret can substitute as their mascot.
8. The university expects half of the SEC to be ineligible next year, so the Razorbacks can make it to the title game.
7. Will do wonders for the state’s all-you-can-eat industry.
6. No known fault lines in Arkansas, so weight not an issue.
5. With rare triple digit IQ, university can claim him as an “SEC Rhodes Scholar.”
4. When told that Wisconsin is very familiar with bowls, the Arkansas AD yelled “who-wee! We done picked us an indoor plumbing coach!”
3. Bielema has a full set of teeth, so that saves on 10 win incentive.
2. Is known to sweat a lot, so southern heat won’t be an issue.
1. Arkansas knows that no woman will ever be able to fit on the back of his motorcycle.