My Interview with Al Borges

Jones's picture
May 21, 2013 at 11:30a

I didn't read the whole thing on MGoBlog, and although I'm sure it's interesting, I thought it would be more fun to make it up instead:

"Well, let's set the stage for what is a normal week during the season:

"I try to get home as soon as practice is over since Mom likes to serve dinner at 6 pm SHARP. If it's any later, she might miss the start of her programs (she LOVES wheel of fortune). So once I get the dishes done and finish the rest of my chores out in the garage, I try to get to work on the week's gameplan. 

"The basis for my gameplan usually comes from a 4-6 hour marathon of playing the NCAA '13 on XBOX Live against any and all comers. It can be hard during the beginning of the season to find opponents (who wants to play as Eastern??), but once I've gotten about 3 or 4 different looks, I feel pretty confident. I typically use only 4 plays or so (Denard zone keep Left, Denard Zone keep right, Fake Zone read followed by Denard throwing to #12 regardless if he's open, and Punt), figuring that gives me a pretty solid vision of what we'll all see Saturday.

"Once I have finished my Xbox session, I usually have to text Coach Hoke back a fake excuse for why I couldn't meet him for Pizza and Beer that night (Mother doesn't like me out after dark of course). Then I'll usually spend a good chunk of the rest of the night on the internet. I usually spend an hour or two matching up the numbers of those guys on NCAA '13 with who they are in real life. If I finish early I spend time surfing Reddit for conspiracy theories about 9/11 and then usually some 'special videos' that Mother doesn't know about (that last part is a little frustrating with her dial up connection). 

"The next day I get up around 10 or so and head straight to the cafeteria at Schembechler Hall. The players are usually in class by then, so I get the waffle bar to myself (It's amazeballs, you gotta try it). After a few waffles I get one to go and lock myself in my office. My work computer has a great connection, so this is usually when I get my World of Warcraft time in.

"Finally once practice starts, I head straight to the scissor lift. I try to avoid the coaches locker room as much as possible, since Coach Mattison usually just makes fun of me for all the mail my recruits send back (I think he makes up some of those letters, but I can't prove it). Once I'm in that scissor lift, I'm in my zone.  No one can tell me 'No' as I yell down to run the same play 6 times in row, even though Denard can't feel his right arm at this point. It's truly my favorite part of the day. Then, once it's over, you know the drill..."


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OSUs12-OH's picture

Are those his arms in front of that shirt....or are those the biggest man breasts I've ever seen in my life?

"I want a hungry team. I want a team that can't wait to get out there. I want an angry team! You're the Ohio State Buckeyes. You're an angry football team. You're a hungry football team and I'm proud to be your coach." UFM

jeremytwoface's picture

Looks like he has his arms inside his shirt...
Because surely he can't THAT big of man boobs........ Surely.

And when we win the game, we'll buy a keg of boooooooooze!! And we'll drink to old Ohio 'till we wobble in our shoes.

Earle's picture

They're real, and they're spectacular.

And don't call me "Shirley".

Snarkies gonna snark. 

Hovenaut's picture

+1, Coach, two if I could.

Poison nuts's picture

Al Borges has breasts...exquisite breasts.

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

causeicouldntgo43's picture

Kinda looks like Dr. Evil.....I will coach at Meeeeshigan meeellion dollars.......OK then, $750K

gobucks96's picture

Is that a "DAVE" at the top of the board... Holy Bollman!

IBleedSandG's picture

Does _ichigan have the fattest coaching staff in the country or what? 


Buckeyevstheworld's picture

I guess that's why O-Linemen go there. They know they'll eat well.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

Hovenaut's picture

I bet....

Al Borges


At the Corral.

Thrice weekly.

(My God, look at that f'n monster.....)

Bucks43201's picture

These comments have me rolling

"You win with people." - Woody Hayes

jedkat's picture

He's staring at me like i'm covered in gravy.

"Can we please stop the message board fighting? I really can't stand the message board fighting..."

"No. You're an idiot, and your posts are terrible."

BME_Buckeye's picture

Fire Al Borges!!!

Look closely, because the closer you think you are, the less you will actually see.


OSUs12-OH's picture

Hell no...we need him to stay;-) That second half play calling last year was up there in the annals of TTUN vs OSU games (shut out in the second half...NICE).  

"I want a hungry team. I want a team that can't wait to get out there. I want an angry team! You're the Ohio State Buckeyes. You're an angry football team. You're a hungry football team and I'm proud to be your coach." UFM

MN Buckeye's picture

Al and Beef O'Brady are really setting the example for cardiovascular fitness and weight training.

b_pbucksfans's picture

Hey Denard,

Can I borrow your spoon?

JYBUCKEYE's picture

HOLY SHIT!!!! Uncle Fester ate Gomez.

OSU_ALUM_05's picture

On a serious note, I worked with a UM alum (now retired) who saw Hoke's stature as a real indicator of a lack of discipline and wondered how someone so undisciplined could ever lead his team back to prominence against guys like Saban, Meyer, etc.  I enjoy making fun of Hoke as much as anyone, but there are people out there that see it as a real problem.  Just food for thought (couldn't resist).

Yeti's have feelings too.

rkylet83's picture

Has anyone noticed that the Michigan staff is completely out of shape, while our staff is in great shape.  Recruiting advantage; our staff won't die of obesity related diseases or disorders.

hail2victors9's picture

Fat guys are jolly and at risk to get Diabetes.
Athletic guys are intense and have pre-existing heart issues.  Coombs head just might explode, someday, spewing Red Bull all over the place.

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!

~Bo Schembechler

buck4's picture

This is actually quite funny!

tdible2132's picture

Haha this was too funny!  Man is that dude ugly and fat.  Holy cow.

ArizonaBuckeye's picture

Any Seinfeld fans out there? As Kramer would say, this man needs a Bro (brah). Or as Frank Castanza would say, he needs a Manzier. Either way, those are some of the biggest man breasts I've ever seen. My God, someone introduce this man to a treadmill. He is not long for this world being that fat. You know you're fat when you make Brady Hoke look almost normal size....almost.

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." -Woody Hayes-

Kaceybrown's picture

I would not want to be that treadmill