Did I do the right thing?

Doc's picture
October 30, 2012 at 12:29p

I need your input to a parenting cunundrum I created. 

Last night at dinner with the family we were talking about how the different states in our wonderful country got their names.  My youngest son asked how Ohio got its name and I told him I thought the word was from the Native Americans that lived here and that the name came from there.  My oldest son then asked if Michigan was an Indian name.  My wife said that it was.  He then asked what did the word mean.  I, very calmly, said "The word Michigan translated into English means 'The Butthole of the World'."  Both boys, ages 6 and 8, laughed their tails off.  My wife looks at me from across the table and says, "I hope you are willing to take any consequences your little remark may cause."  Granted, we don't condone "potty" talk in our house, but I thought the comment was very apt.

You also have to know that when my oldest was going threw potty training he would regularly pee in the toilet, but would still poop in his diaper.  After a few weeks of this I told him that the only people in this world that pooped their pants were Michigan fans.  He stopped that day.  Again my wife thought I was to crass, but I got the result she wanted.  It worked for his younger brother as well.  This time older brother told his younger sibling and it worked just as quickly.

I know I won't win any parenting awards.  But I also don't think instilling in them that Meatchicken and everything that comes from there is bad will only help them as they grow up.

So, what do you guys and gals think?  Did I go too far, or not far enough?  Let me know in the comments.  I'm interested in your thoughts on this matter.




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cplunk's picture

No idea if it's the right thing, but it made me laugh and I love it.

tennbuckeye19's picture

Butthole of the world? My parents told me it was Algonquian for oven mitt.

carence's picture

Now that's some good parenting right there!You deserve a participation ribbon! 

Poison nuts's picture

No - it was not the right thing to do but YES - it was most definitely the right thing to do!

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

Maestro's picture

My kids have called the scUM uniforms "pee-pee yellow" since they could talk.  Well done Doc.

vacuuming sucks

bodast67's picture

Comment on your own Forum subject so that i can upvote you DOC !




     " I hope when I die, I die laughing"...                

741's picture

I hope all of this is a true story. Awesome.

Doc's picture

I knew I was on the right path!  Thanks for the comments.  The story is definetely 100% true.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

BrewstersMillions's picture

I lived there for a year and...well...you are pretty correct. Lansing does at least.

Earle's picture

Doc, I share your struggle.  I taught my daugter to sing "We don't give a 'hoot' for the whole state of Michgan..." when she was around 4, not thinking that she would learn the real word soon enough.  Just one example of trying to instill a proper hatred of UM while teaching them that hate isn't really the best emotion to embrace.
Life is full of contradictions.  Children might as well learn that early, I guess.

Snarkies gonna snark. 

harp35's picture

You did awesome, my kids all could answer whats michigan? They would answer yuck, before they could really speak.

bukyze's picture

Doc - absolutely love it.  Your parenting technique is second to none!  As a result, I'm sure your kids will have an abundance of happiness and success in their future.   There is no greater truth then scUM being "The Butthole of the World".  (Florida being the dangling penis of the United States would come in second for me). 

jthiel09's picture

As a new father I'm writing this down to remember it and use it on my son in a few years ... very funny.


Doc's picture

Congrats on being a new father.  It does get easier, when I don't know, but they say it does.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

NW Buckeye's picture

The first shirt I bought for my grandson said "Oops, I just did a Michigan in my pants!"   You are a great Dad!! 

Doc's picture

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

Poison nuts's picture

I just read that - this is one of those rare moments where I am laughing out loud non stop by myself...

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

bleedscarletpissmaize's picture

Im about to be a first time father and for my birthday my wife bought this saying on a onezee.

Squirrel Master's picture

I think it depends on how you raise your children. If you raise them using honesty and blunt truth, then it is perfectly fine with what you did because they will understand you were joking around, especially if they hang around you on Saturday afternoons. If you want to shelter them from the real world and tell them everything is happy and perfect, then maybe you went to far. Knowing you, probably the former. Which is how I intend to raise my children!
Good story too!

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

OSUBias's picture

Your kids, your house, your rules. Keep it up!
Can't wait until they do a report on the states in like 5th grade social studies and your son submits a pile of dog$hit for the _ichigan page. The comedy will be enough to make you _ichigan your pants.

7 yards and a cloud of dust is a beautiful thing

Run_Fido_Run's picture

Funny stuff, Doc!
Your wife sounds even stricter than mine, but I mean that in a good way (somebody has to keep us in line). 
Your approach to parenting has taught me another valuable lesson: everyone must cease listening to the Butthole Surfers, lest they promote outdoor tourism in Michigan!    

Doc's picture

"Behind every man is a good woman, with a smoking credit card.  But, I wouldn't say that in public."  David Lee Roth
Yeah, Fido, my wife's full time job is keeping me out of trouble.  It ain't easy. 

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

jestertcf's picture

"Behind every man is a woman shaking her head." Jim Carey
I love this because it describes me and mine to a T.

~Because we couldn't go for three~

Jugdish's picture

I heard that "Behind every successful man is a woman who couldn't be more surprised".

Remember to get your wolverine spayed or neutered. TBDBITL

dsbgobux's picture

When my son was little we told him if he was angry to yell the worst thing he knew. He yelled Michigan! Pretty insightful for a 2 yr old!

Buckeye in PA purgatory

jarheadbuckeyefan's picture

^awesome.... I can only pray when i have children they will already hate AACC that young, lol.

"The only meaningful statistic is number of games won."~ Woody Hayes

GoBucks713's picture

As long as they understand the humor, there's nothing wrong with what you did.

-The Aristocrats!

NoVA Buckeye's picture

I remember "Don't be a Lloyd" a lot during my heyday of growing up.

The offseason begins when your season ends. Even then there are no days off.

Johnniebuckeye's picture

Doc, gotta love your intelligence in that life lesson for your son. Anything different and he has major constipation; Now he can go without worry and with your full blessing; great job.

Doc's picture

Thanks Johnnie.  I didn't think of it like that back then, but it worked like a charm.  Then when younger brother came along older brother showed him the way.  The gift that keeps on giving.

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The Official DDS of 11W

NW Buckeye's picture

Great example of "pay forward"  LOL

jestertcf's picture

My father never cursed but I think I heard him mutter Biakabutka a few times under his breath when he was furious at whatever I may have destroyed that week.

~Because we couldn't go for three~

Geraffi's picture

This is one of the funniest threads I have ever read.  Well done, Doc.  I guess it can't be that bad.  It's always best to tell the truth, regardless of consequence.

Doc's picture

Honesty IS the best policy.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

jestertcf's picture

unless your wife asks "do these pants make my butt look fat?"

~Because we couldn't go for three~

Doc's picture

I said honesty NOT stupidity ;)

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

jestertcf's picture

well the lesson I learned was a longer pause than usual might as well have been a resounding YES!

~Because we couldn't go for three~

buckeyefanatic's picture

I took my 7 year old to the Purdue game this year.  He didn't understand why the yellow guys were taking a cheerleader.  (from TBDBITL mayan show)  I tried to explain to him what "rivals" meant and in the process he told me that he hated them and if he saw a baby with that clothing on that he would kick the michigan baby.
Obviously not the message I was trying to get across exactly.  Being only 7 he totally doesn't understand he was just trying to be like his daddy and "not like" those M people.  It was cracking me up because for a 7 year old, he is our first born and maybe a tad more shaded and innocent than your typical 7-year old.  He doesn't have any older boy influances in his life to corrupt him yet.

How many batteries does it take to beat Michigan football?   1AA
Want to beat Michigan? There's an App for that.

hodge's picture

Wait, the only people who poop themselves are Michigan fans?

Doc's picture

Michigan fans and Joe Pa.  Who da thunk it?

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's picture

Did you do it right?  Hell yes you did.   And I bet this will be one of those things your boys always remember.  Great stuff.  

gbdawg's picture

Sounds right to me.

NH-IO's picture

My wife and I were driving with our two daughters, ages 12 and 13, when we stopped behind a car with a Michigan sticker on it.  I said, "Michigan Sucks!".  My wife admonished, "Don't say things in front of the girls that you don't want them to repeat.".  I said, "Michigan sucks!".

hail2victors9's picture

Doc you absolutely did the right thing.  I, as a new[er] parent, have the ultimate fear that my kids (son especially) will grow up liking the Buckeyes just to spite me.  This fear might be secondary only to their safety and well-being.  My daughter is 2 1/2 and son is 1 1/2 and they both go around saying  shouting "Let's Go Blue!" and my daughter does her rendition of The Victors. 
My brother-in-law tried to get her to do the OH-IO thing...she said "That's gross."  I think we're off to a good start.
+1 NH-IO

Those who stay will be CHAMPIONS!

~Bo Schembechler

ArTbkward's picture

I like your brother-in-law's style.

We should strive to keep thy name, of fair repute and spotless fame...

(Also, I'm not a dude)

Doc's picture

I understand your fears Hail, mine are much the same.

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

dumpus's picture

The ends justify the means, good sir.  Keep on doing.

HighBallAce's picture

I think its great! My daughter still thinks frogs say, "Bud-weis-errrr"....lol

swank427's picture

I am in the same boat here. My youngest son is 4 and I am very concerned that he will like AACC just to spite me. He will already go around and say go Michigan to get his brother and I riled up.

cinserious's picture

@Swank427: Sounds like you've got a problem on your hands for life (unfortunately). As he grows up, just remind him how Three Boren Brothers saw the light and chose the right path for their futures.

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

DetroitBuckeye's picture

That was me in reverse lol.

Et_Tu_OSU's picture

My self-test on these kinds of things consists of two questions:

  1. Would this make me cringe or smile if I heard another parent say this to their kid?  Clearly, we're smiling.
  2. How would I feel if this was repeated in church?  Still smiling.

Well done, sir...

"The revolution will be televised."

D. Anthony's picture

Michigan is Spanish for: a whales vagina 

D. Anthony

cinserious's picture

I indoctrinated my daughter since diapers to hate on anything michigan and she's 9 now and its been several years since I've mentioned anything about it because she has no interest in football whatsoever and scoffs at me when on saturdays I turn the volume on the tv up to maximum and and yell/scream/foam at the mouth on pretty much every play. Its all good because I know when she grows up, if she still does'nt care for football at all, she will still know she should root for the Buckeyes over the hated wolverines!

One day I will valiantly become a political prisoner of 11W jail.

Buckrific's picture

My daughter was about 6 when we were sitting at a high school basketball game with her grandmother.  Her grandmother was talking with another lady when she overheard the lady mention how she had been into Michigan earlier in the day.  My daughter interupted the lady and deadpanned "I hope you took a shower when you got home!"  I have never been prouder as a father.

Joshy614's picture

I would have used the word asshole.