So... You've Encountered an Internet Troll

DJ Byrnes's picture
May 22, 2013 at 7:20p

I remember the first time I realized Mark May enjoyed goading Ohio State fans. I was sixteen-years-old, and Ohio State was on the cusp of its first national footballing title since 1968. Nobody knew that yet, however, especially Mark May. I'm too lazy to Google his exact quotes, but I remember him basically saying Ohio State didn't deserve to share the field with the star-studded Miami team.

The 2003 BCS Title Game showed just how much Mark May's opinions are worth.

Not to be outdone, Mark May has continued his trolling of the Ohio State fan-base for a decade. That's stamina and constitution you usually don't find outside of terrorist organizations. On one hand, I'm impressed. On the other, I'm not, because Mark May is a run-of-the-mill troll.

It's all a calculated ploy. Outside of "the Buckeye Empire" or whatever nitwitted, interchangeable phrase you want to paste on Ohio State's fanbase, there is no love for Ohio State. It's the most hated team in the country. Ohio State fans have hated Mark May since the 2003 championship, so what's he got to lose with his incessant needling of an already obnoxious fanbase? Don't worry, I'll wait.

~*~*~*checks watch~*~***and when i say "watch" i mean cell phone***~*~*~

... The best medicine for a troll is to simply ignore them. I know this, because I've trolled people practically since I was able to type. I've been blocked on Twitter by everybody from Bill Simmons to Clay Travis to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to Adam Schefter. I'll put my trolling accolades against anyone's this side of the Sun. It amuses me when millionaires like Bill Simmons have to block somebody because they questioned their interpretation of the NBA's collective bargaining agreement with banter. Were I Bill Simmons, he of Grantland and ubiquitous NBA on ESPN TV presence, there's nothing somebody on Twitter with a cat avatar could say to anger me.

This rustic wheelhouse is where the troll derives all his powers. Mark May probably prints out the abuse tweeted at him and uses it as masochistic pornography. His tweets may be ghostwritten by a third grader, but with every RT -- no matter how ironic -- his personal brand grows. (Yes, even this 500 word post is feeding into his troll-powers, but alas, such is the price of this PSA.)

Doubt me? Mark May probably cleared well over 500,000 dollars last year. He's literally laughing all the way to the bank on us.

We must quit taking the same bait Mark May has been laying since the winter of 2002. It's over a decade old, and he's not even giving Ohio State fans the courtesy of shaking up his routine. He's not even trying anymore; he's on troll auto-pilot. Frankly, it's insulting, and I wish more Ohio State fans would see through his bullshit facade. The faster that happens, the faster Mark May fades into irrelevance, which is where that goof belongs. He is not worth our time, our energy, and especially not our hate.

This is Ohio State fans to whom I'm talking though, so I doubt I'll ever get that lucky. Perhaps Mark May is the troll we deserve.

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