Buckeye Poetry: "The Ballad of Kenny Guiton"

BuckeyePoetLaureate's picture
September 20, 2013 at 9:46a

Fellow Buckeyes, the ballad is a classic poetic form that has long been used to glorify heroic events and people.  It's therefore perfectly appropriate to dedicate a ballad to Kenny Guiton.  It seems as though Braxton is taking back the reins this week, but Urban certainly can't ignore that he has plenty of options for his offense. 

So raise your glass and sway to beat of the musicians in the corner.  It's time to celebrate with...

The Ballad of Kenny Guiton

When Miller's knee was twisted,
Buckeye fans let out a shout.
His junior year was paused--
The perfect season was in doubt.

Before the Cal game, everyone
Saw Braxton wouldn't dress.
The Fox Sports commentators asked,
"Can Urban stand the stress?"

The good guys--so polite--deferred
And won an early stop.
Our offense took the field;
The Berkeley bubble soon was popped.

When Kenny Guiton took the field,
The Golden Bears were dreaming:
Their slumber filled with upset hopes,
Their sideline coaches beaming.

The cheers were overwhelming,
But you may have heard the plinking
Of slim fingers on piano
And a soloist who's winking.

The smooth jazz started blaring--
Ninety yards downfield to Smith.
A minute later, Guiton sliced
The Cal D with a scythe.

Our Guiton knows that mercy
Is a sign of disrespect.
He made it twenty-one to zip...
The Cal morale was wrecked.

The defense gave the Bears some points
To keep the game exciting
And let them play a fake punt truck
To keep their offense fighting.

An early onside kick?  Nice try.
A Buckeye grabbed the ball.
Poor Jared Goff tried valiantly
To move faster than a crawl.

The game was done and overwith
By the end of the first quarter.
The Heisman Watch was altered
In the minds of most reporters.

Now, Kenny Guiton could have started
At any other school,
But Pryor, Bauserman
And Braxton made our coaches drool.

So Kenny Guiton had his pick,
But knew where he should go.
His heart?  It shouted, "O-H!"
And he answered with, "I-O!"


jdagrava.1's picture

Very nice work - love this kind of stuff

"It takes a little something special to be a great player.  What you got in you, we're going to find out.  And if there's a touch of greatness in there, how cool would that be?"

-Urban F. Meyer

Hovenaut's picture

I read this with the soft, sweet sounds of some smooth saxophone playing in my head.

Well done, BPL.


We have filled the Braxton Miller position.

Young_Turk's picture

I would love to do a group collaboration on a Buckeye anthem to the "Battle Hymn of the Republic".  I think that's a perfect song because it's a not-so-subtle fling at SEC country.

The song links the judgment of the wicked SEC at the end of time (New Testament, Rev. 19)  last year of BCS, with the American Civil War National Championship Game. 



BuckeyePoetLaureate's picture

When Michigan hires skywriters,
Their little brother yucks.
For Big Blue could barely beat the Zips
Because their defense sucks.
There's no chance those fangless Wolverines
Will ever beat the Bucks
Or win the Big Ten crown...

Proud alumnus of the Ohio State Creative Writing MFA Program.  Creator of the writing craft site Great Writers Steal.

Earle's picture

Glory, glory Outback Bowlers
Glory, glory Hoke loves crullers
Wish they still had Gary Moeller
The Bucks will beat them down!

Your Noble Savage is a Straw Yeti.

Young_Turk's picture

+1, then make's we're not worthy hand-gesture.


FailtotheVictors's picture

Are you really writing poems on this website?
Take that sh*t down man this is a football blog.

- Respect the Rivalry -

OSUStu's picture

If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.  ~ Bruce Lee