The Fake Lantern Campus Week in Review: Sept. 8–14

By The Fake Lantern on September 15, 2013 at 9:30p
16 Comments
Kenny Guiton was announced as the starting pilot for Ohio State's trip to Cal.
Guiton had no problems landing at OAK.

SUNDAY

Ohio State dropped to 4th in a poll everyone told us didn't matter last year.

Campus Browns fans were still Browns fans for some reason.

Stat: Terrelle Pryor actually lead the NFL in rushing yards.

Aaron Craft got engaged (to every B1G point guard).

And DT Michael Bennett agreed to sell us his 12-0 ring during our "twinterview."

MONDAY

A cyclist gained the respect of every pedestrian by ringing his bell on the sidewalk.

Ohio State's next home game was still 12 days away, reported a student drinking at 10 AM.

A fraternity brother learned he had fathered a child via one of several Buckeye Crushes twitter accounts.

Ohio State Student Wellness began offering free restraining orders.

And dorm room bathrooms across campus were a different color than they were three weeks ago.

TUESDAY

Kenny Guiton aced Braxton Miller's midterm for him.

We asked readers, "Which word can your foreign professor not say quite right?" and got close to one hundred replies.

North Commons added robotic servers.

And the second-best stadium in Columbus hosted the second-best kind of football.

WEDNESDAY

The TFL Forecast showed rain now and then probably not rain later.

Campus Humans vs Zombies returned as a semi-annual reminder of who the weird kids are.

And a football school's basketball tickets sold out in 20 minutes.

THURSDAY

The Carmen classlist person finder feature was still yet to be used even once for a purely innocent reason.

Advice: How to have a great away game experience.

Huntington Bank was set to open a new campus branch within a Starbucks within a Barnes & Noble within another Huntington Bank.

And a student running around campus aiming a Nerf gun at unarmed human beings was probably sane and nothing to worry about.

FRIDAY

Freshmen across campus started packing to return to the place they still considered home for the weekend.

Kenny Guiton was announced as the starting pilot for Ohio State's trip to Cal.

The Donatos DJ was thinking about maybe playing 'Radioactive' next.

And Cal was really hoping Braxton Miller would play.

SATURDAY (GAME DAY)

Fans who laughed off Friday the 13th made sure to put on their lucky game day underwear.

Brady Hoke wasn't sure why his wide receiver kept throwing bad interceptions.

Ohio State set a record for farthest away home game.

The Buckeyes' white outfits were cuter, campus girlfriends reported.

Kenny Guiton was announced as the starter for next week's game, then for Wisconsin, then for the National Championship Game as the game progressed until he was finally selected as the overall number 1 pick in the NFL draft by probably the Browns.

Braxton Miller started considering his transfer options.

Urban Meyer couldn't believe his decision to punt on 4th and 1.

Stat: Every one of Ohio State's 7 touchdowns was scored by a backup.

And Maurice Clarett jerseys across the country were dug out of closets.


The Fake Lantern is the fake student voice of The Ohio State University. You should follow them on Twitter: @TheFakeLantern.

16 Comments

Comments

zbd's picture

At this rate an undefeated OSU team will be rated about 25th in the final poll.

InHartWeTrust's picture

..we didn't drop this week.

zbd's picture

We dropped from 3 to 4. Clemson took over number 3.

BassDropper's picture

We didnt drop this week

DIRECTIONER

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

Unless Ohio State drops 70pts on A&M, they'll drop in the polls next Sunday. It's almost a guarantee. I'd say 5-6 depending on how Stanford and LSU do.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

fanatibuck's picture

Nice.....Our fans always so optimistic and pro active when it comes to perception. You know our mentality is a part of our problem. We feed into the negativity of the MSM and college football haters. Your post, BTW, is a big example. How can we get rid of BIAS when we are an active part of it? SHAME!!!

THE URBANATOR AND HIS BOYS' JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN; 26-0 IS COMING BABY!!

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

Look at the next game for both. Stanford plays a "ranked" ASU team at home. If they win, they will definitely jump Ohio State in the polls.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

fanatibuck's picture

Where have you been ZBD? WE were already at 4 in the AP poll last week. We are 4 in the AP this week and stood fast (steady) in the Coaches at no. 3. As everyone else has posted we did not drop this week. 

THE URBANATOR AND HIS BOYS' JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN; 26-0 IS COMING BABY!!

gwalther's picture

That was from last Sunday. We did drop last week, if I am remembering correctly.

Class of 2008

fanatibuck's picture

We are currently ranked 3rd in the Coaches poll and 4TH in the AP as of yesterday. Check with E $ pin.com if you all are still confused.

THE URBANATOR AND HIS BOYS' JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN; 26-0 IS COMING BABY!!

thekornidentity's picture

The Fake Lantern might just be my favorite Twitter account.

“Nothing that comes easy in this world is worth a damn.” -Woody Hayes

ScarletNGrey01's picture

A lot of good lines, have to tag this one as having the highest reading on my personal laugh-o-meter:

Brady Hoke wasn't sure why his wide receiver kept throwing bad interceptions.

The will to win is not as important as the will to prepare to win. -- Woody Hayes

hspbuy1's picture

because the tailback the tailback was hurting.

hspbuy1

fanatibuck's picture

Kenny G. aka Smooth Jazz is looking mighty dapper and clean in that uniform. :)

THE URBANATOR AND HIS BOYS' JOURNEY HAS JUST BEGUN; 26-0 IS COMING BABY!!

Haybucks's picture

Cal fans should be so proud of themselves.

Ohio State set a record for farthest away home game.

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively, but says nothing. - Henry S. Haskins

 

pjtobin's picture

I love the fake lantern. I would love to see Kenny G go pro. 

Bury me in my away jersey, with my buckeye blanket. A diehard who died young. Rip dad.