Weeding Through the Parity: A Winner's Guide to Picking the 2013 NCAA Tournament

By Jeff Beck on March 20, 2013 at 6:03p
11 Comments
DUKE FAN DIDN'T LISTEN TO OUR BRACKET ADVICE

It’s the eve of the Tournament. Well, it’s the eve of the REAL tournament. No one counts those play-in games…do they?

Either way, the fate of your office reputation rests in the balance, and today is the last day you’ll have control over your bracket’s destiny. Your time to enter contests – like the prestigious 11W Bracket Challenge – is winding down and you have selections to make.

Admittedly, you’re stressed. It seems the new normal for March Madness is extreme parity, and Nate Silver agrees:

With elite players quickly fleeing to the N.B.A. and midmajor teams posing a threat to big-name programs throughout the tournament, the days when a dominant team like U.C.L.A. or U.N.L.V. might enter the tournament with a 50-50 chance of winning it are probably long gone.

This new normal is what has allowed Brenda from accounting to win the office bracket challenge two years in a row. 

In order to deal with this reality, you’ve decided there might be a better way to make your selections this year. Throw KenPom and RPI to the wind. Here are some alternative pick procedures.

Flip A Coin

We’ll start out slow. This one’s a classic. Let money that jingles decide the fate of your money that folds.

Flip a silver George in the air – heads is one team, tails is the other. Is this method strategic at all? Absolutely not, but it takes the overthinking out of it, a process known to kill the potential of many a bracket.

Look at it this way: Washington decided the trajectory of the country. What makes you think he couldn’t also handle your Pitt v. Wichita State pick?

Threads

Another avenue is to select game winners based on uniforms. This method is becoming increasingly difficult as certain teams are trotting out alternate jerseys throughout the season and into the tournament.

DISCLAIMER: According to this formula, if Big East teams choose to wear these bad boys, none of them will make it out of the first round.

DapperThe clothes make the man. Let the clothes make the picks.

If you decide to go this route, it’s probably best to stick to a team’s base uni. Some selections will obviously be easier than others, like New Mexico State vs. St. Louis.

Why is New Mexico State’s number gigantic and the school name so small? Your guess is as good as mine. I’ll go with St. Louis.

Other choices will be more difficult. Like North Carolina vs. Villanova

Both rocking that silky powder blue. Both pretty classic. Tough pick there.

Still, others will be equally disgusting and you’ll be forced to choose between the lesser of two evils. Just look at Michigan vs. South Dakota State. So much yellow, so much woof.

Mascots

Mascots are another interesting way to go. Personally, I prefer choosing which team’s representative would win in a fight. But that’s not the only way to go. Inherent cuteness is an option, as is which animal/fictional/real thing you would rather be. Let’s look at an example for each.

Win in a fight: No. 6 UCLA Bruins vs. No. 11 Minnesota Gophers:

Bruin vs Gopher. Not a contest.

No. Brainer.

 

Inherent Cuteness: No. 12 Oregon Ducks vs. No. 5 Oklahoma State Cowboys:

Duck vs Cowboy. Duck wins on cuteness.

Duck every day of the week over giant head with creepy expression and stuble.

 

Which Would You Rather Be? No. 5 VCU Rams vs. No. 12 Akron Zips:

That donkey beats a kangaroo.

A legit ram or an out-of-shape kangaroo? This is bracket Darwinism, folks.

Famous alumni

You could also choose based on famous former students. Just see below:

No. 7 Notre Dame vs. No. 10 Iowa State

The Cyclones will be taking on the Fighting Irish, but in actuality the real matchup is George Washington Carver vs. Mike Golic.

The man who discovered over 300 uses for the peanut, or a guy who endorses Nutrisystem.

Carver and the Cyclones advance.

Weather

If all else fails, you can select winners based on the weather of each campus. 

No. 7 San Diego State vs. No. 10 Oklahoma

No brainer (but Oklahoma has great Waffle Houses).

76 and sunny or cloudy with a chance of terrifying. It's that easy.

So there you have it, a number of alternative selection processes to help you navigate the perilous waters of parity. Of course, you could always just go with your gut.

Merry Tournament Eve.

11 Comments

Comments

German Buckeye's picture

Very funny - needed a lift - tough day at work....

dan_isaacs's picture

If we go by weather, our Buckeyes are in trouble.

Dan Isaacs

Buckeye in Illini country's picture

Unless you're into that sort of thing.  Warm one day, cold the next.  Snow in April.  Greater than 95 in the summer and less than 0 in the winter.  What's not to like.

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

dbit's picture

You chose a very good picture to use for this article.  If you look closely at the top of the photo, you'll see a score that we all can appreciate.

cplunk's picture

Good eye, sir, good eye

IBLEEDSCARLETANDGRAY's picture

The winner of 3 of the last 4 NCAA pools in my office is a 55-year old Cuban woman who hates basketball. There's some logic to these bracket picking options. i think she just picks the teams based on whether or not she likes the city they're in or what kind of outlet malls they have. Taking the thinking out of it helps I guess.

"Sherman ran an option play right through the south" - Greatest Civil War analogy EVER.

chicagobuckeye's picture

"or what kind of outlet malls they have"

Thanks for the last laugh before bed +1

AJBor41's picture

Love the ticker in that photo as well.  Not only is Duke about to lose in the main picture, but a #16 was beating a #1, a #15 had just beaten another #2, a B1G team was winning, and the evil up north lost to the good guys in Athens.... Love the madness.
 
EDIT: Sorry DBIT, just saw your post on this as well

DJRoss926's picture

My cousin's daughter (2 yrs old) is picking a bracket based on mascot pictures and team colors. I'm terrified she will destroy everyone in the pool.

chicagobuckeye's picture

Good. No one knows my strategy of going to cosmo and picking the sexiest guys and having them win it all.

osubuckeye4life's picture

I typically look at pom, sagrin, some history, and finally coin flips on the really tough ones.