Happy Tuesday everyone, and welcome to your morning Skull Session! Seeing as how I have some family matters to attend to tonight, I am writing this post on Monday afternoon. However, fear not, because through the magic of technology, we here at Eleven Warriors industries can recreate that classic Johnny topical banter you've all come to love with the help of the famed DJ 3000. Yes, this incredible machine will stunningly recreate all of my personal writing foibles in one seamless narrative. So sit back, relax, and enjoy "my" analysis of the big game between Auburn and Oregon.
"Well hello everyone, and welcome to your [NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP] Skull Session. What a great game! Wasn't that [CAM NEWTON] really something? He sure lit up [HIS FATHER'S WALLERROR 28bX95... RETRY... THE SCOREBOARD], didn't he? Of course, it sure was dramatic when [THE OREGON DUCKS] scored all of those points in [THE GAME]. Famous coach [PAUL BRYANT] would say after the game that [THE ESTATE OF PAUL "BEAR" BRYANT WISHES YOU HAPPY HOLIDAYS. PRESS 1 FOR INFORMATION ABOUT HATS. PRESS 2 FOR A PRERECORDED MOTIVATIONAL MESSAGE USING AN ETHNIC SLUR. PRESS 3 FOR A PRERECORDED MOTIVATIONAL MESSAGE WITH ETHNIC SLUR EDITED OUT. IN THE LIKELIHOOD THAT YOU ARE USING A ROTARY PHONE, PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE].
Overall, I'd say it was a much better game than I was expecting, much like [OBSCURE EARLY 90s MOVIE DATABASE NOT FOUND]. Ha! What a jokester I am. Well anyway, see you all [IN A FEW DAYS], when I will [FAIL] to write something [MORE COHERENT] or [LESS STUPID]. Thanks!"
As The Wolverine Turns It's looking increasingly like Michigan is about the trade their hot Rod in for something with Les Miles. Eh?? Eh?!?! I've got a million of em, folks. Anyway, Miles himself confirmed that he and Michigan reps will meet to discuss "the coaching vacancy," which is about as ambiguous as you could possibly make a direct meeting between the two parties involved. Miles is a "Michigan Man," and it's no secret that the head coaching job there is a job he covets. I'm still not completely sold that he'd jump at an opportunity to leave (or that he's the right man for the job), but the ensuing meltdown at his hiring among some segments of the Michigan faithful would be hilarious to watch.
Spaceballs Joke Grant Schwartz doesn't want to urinate for you, in front of a stranger. But he does it, time and time again. Why? Because he's a Buckeye, dammit. The Lantern has posted a nice write up detailing the kind of drug testing that goes on at Ohio State, and more specifically, how much the school spends per sport on testing. Overall, across the 36 varsity sports sponsored by OSU, the university spends $75,000 dollars a year on testing. That is a lot of pee.
What A Coincidence, I'm Getting A Little Tired Of The BCS As has become tradition at the end of each football season, BCS executive Bill Hancock is insisting that while university presidents and commissioners will meet, the potential of a playoff is "not even in the spectrum" of their discussions. Hancock, of course, has a vested interest in not acknowledging even the possibility of a playoff entering in the conversation about how to move forward in future seasons, but I actually think he's being honest here. When the season comes down to two undefeated teams from automatically qualifying conferences, BCS execs tend to unflinch a bit and proclaim that the system works. On the other hand:
Hancock said it has not been easy to fend off all the attacks from playoff supporters.
"I think we all get a little tired of the invective," he said.
Oh no! You poor man. Well, for the sake of fans everywhere, I hope your unfair and exclusionary train keeps on chuggin'! Good luck!
A DRAMA IN TWO ACTS
