What Does It Mean?

By Luke on July 15, 2010 at 7:00a
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Woah.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you double rainbows, make shaky 2C-T-7 fueled made-for-YouTube glory.

Taking nothing away from auteur Hungrybear9562, but what does it mean? What does any of it mean? Some questions are too heavy to be broached in but a few hundred words, but none the less the need to delve into the unknown and explore the heavier questions within the Ohio State athletics universe remains a must. Fasten your seatbelt, make sure your seat and tray table are in their locked and upright positions, and prepare your mind for the infinite:

 

T-Washington Washington, Six-Foot-Twenty Freaking Killing For Fun (Offer Valid Only During Spring)

 

How is it possible that Taurian Washington can go absolute beast mode spring after spring but remain completely docile when needed most? Many recall inopportune drops against the likes of Navy and Washington in general coming across as seemingly unreliable in any other issues of remote importance. However turn the calendar to Miss April, and hello playmaker. From bringing in the bomb in the clip above to the heroics of this past spring, Washington continues to demonstrate the abilities that have him strongly in the mix for Duron Carter's vacated third receive slot this Fall. Solution? Besides exposing him to the magic of the double rainbow, consider hypnotizing Washington into a state of permanent spring. Spring quarter schedule, spring quarter workouts. Heck, even let him wear a jersey with pink numbers if that's what it takes.

Terrelle Pryor videos set to Flock of Seagulls

 

A true "what does it mean"? While it surely besmirches the videos with the likes of Nickelback with its awesomeness, what was the motivation behind linking the most athletic quarterback ever to suit up in the scarlet and gray with a 1980's anthem reeking of Zachary Allen Starkey hair? Had someone been playing entirely too much Grand Theft Auto 4? Does the emergence of The XX prove that new wave electro pop and indie dream pop all come back around full circle if you follow it through long enough? Most unfortunately this video's existence provides little more closure than our good friend's original question and actually leaves us with more questions than we started with.

 

Eleven Warriors Patron Saint Ray Small

Don't ever change.

 

Ray Small is not just one Buffalo Wild Wings incredible, he's two. While he frustrated many of us with his seemingly never ending eligibility woes, Ray Small has reinvented himself through graduation as an epic symbol of realness and to paraphrase the man, the myth, the legend "doing all things 'him'." It's easy to take out our frustration on his unfulfilled potential relative to his production as a Buckeye, but it's even easier to recognize that there's still a guy underneath those football pads and a thoroughly entertaining one at that. Instead of spewing vitriol and complaining about what could've been, follow this man on twitter and let the two rainbows quality ride commence. What makes him tick? Does he still play for the Vikings in lieu of the constant Hilliard, OH references and trips to C-Bus clubs? What do any of his tweets ever really mean? We may never truly have the answer to any of these questions.

 

Crazy Metaphor From Crazy Proud Conference Rival Fanbase Equals Crazy Stroke Onset Symptoms

WHAAAAAA?Purdue Pete smashes footballs bathed in dry ice
with a hammer. Your argument is invalid.

This post from Purdue blog "Hammer and Rails" is like an octuple rainbow. Look, I'm all for confidence. However, having the utmost faith in your program's staff to where you can muster up the gumption to classify the winningest team in your conference the last decade as a "toss-up" takes that to brave new heights. The post adds more magic when it states that Ohio State fans referred to the Purdue embarrassment as "Purdue Harbor". It's possible Ohio State fans somewhere did this, though the very mention is certainly news to me. I'm also in the dark if any Buckeyes out there called it Purdue/11, PurD-Day, the Purd Purdorsemen of the Purpocalypse, or any other tasteless play on words. If these things happened, perhaps it's best if I continue not knowing about them. (Author's note: Thanks to the reader who pointed out this originated around these parts. As always, I'm an idiot. What does it mean, indeed.)

 

The post goes further all M Night Shyamalan with this epic comment. And this is mentioning nothing of the fact that the post was sponsored, ergo someone was getting bankrolled for making this sort of magic happen. /frantictears "WHAT DOES IT MEAN?", etc.

Alas it seems we opened a pandora's box of wonder and we're no closer to answered the great question than we were when we started. If the answers come more easily to you, please share, or if further Ohio State natural wonders merit exploration, by all means: blow our minds.

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