Pull My Finger - I Got Jokes

By Jason Priestas on November 16, 2006 at 1:35a
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Why do Michigan grads drive with their degree on their dash?
So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

What does Michigan and Marijuana have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.

What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
Columbus : 187 Miles

What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
Drool

What's the difference between the Michigan Wolverines & the Taliban?
The Taliban have a running game.

What is the difference between Cheerios and the Michigan Wolverines?
Cheerios belongs in a bowl.

Definition of an optimist:
A Michigan Wolverine fan waiting at the airport for the Wolverines to return from the Rose Bowl.

How do you keep the Michigan Wolverines out of your yard?
Put up goal posts!

Where do you go in case of a tornado?
The Big House - they never get a touchdown there!

What do you call a Michigan Wolverine with a Big Ten Championship ring?
Thief

Did you hear about the Wolverines who bought an AM Radio?
It took him two weeks to figure out that it worked at night.

Why was the coach upset when the Michigan Wolverines' playbook was stolen?
Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

How do you know when a Wolverines fan is about to say something smart?
When he starts his sentence with "A Buckeye fan once told me...."

What do you get when you put 32 Wolverines fans in the same room?
A full set of teeth!

What's the difference between the Michigan Wolverines and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

How many Michigan Wolverines does it take to win a Rose Bowl?
Lloyd Carr has no idea!

What do you call 85 people sitting around a TV watching the Rose Bowl?
The Michigan Wolverines

What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Wolverines fans?
The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

What do the Michigan Wolverines and opossums have in common?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

How can you tell when the Michigan Wolverines are going to run the football?
The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

What do the Michigan Wolverines and a tampon have in common?
Both are good for only one period and there is no second string!

How do you get an Michigan Student off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza!

What's the difference between a dead possum and a dead Wolverines fan on the side of the road?
Vultures will eat a dead possum!

What's the difference between Michigan cheerleader and an elephant?
About twenty pounds.

How do you make up the difference?
Force feed the elephant!

What's the difference between a Michigan cheerleader and a warthog?
Lipstick!

What is the difference between Michigan Cheerleader and garbage?
Garbage gets taken out sometimes.

How do you keep a Michigan student busy for a month?
Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.

Why don't Michigan athletes eat pickles?
They can't get their heads in the jar.

What do you get when you cross a Michigan Wolverine with an ape?
A retarded ape.

How do you measure a U of Michigan graduate's I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.

How many Michigan football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. But he gets three hours credit.

What do they call a bunch of Michigan football players standing in a circle holding hands?
A dope ring.

What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A visitor.

Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan?
Six more weeks of bad football.

What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?
Get more cement.

How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

What do you call a Michigan player in a suit?
The defendant.

Three Michigan players are in a car, who's driving?
The police officer.

What do Michigan players get when they go to the NFL?
A pay cut.

What is every Michigan football player assigned upon arriving at Ann Arbor?
A personal bail bondsman.

Thanks Alexis!

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